Domestic Abh Advice

[James02]

I’ve been arrested for abh as my partner has filed a complaint.
It’s the first time I’ve ever been arrested, complaint filed for bruising to eye area. Mitigation is that it was self defence after I was initially assaulted. There were hours of alcohol involved on both sides (6 hours more on partners side) ,a fuelled by alcohol domestic incident.
My partner or somebody she knows (married to policeman) has lodged the complaint ( a few days later )which is unsigned by her.
I was arrested gave a statement to police with my side of the events citing self defence. Advised by legal aid to give prepared statement and no comment at interview to questions. The upshot is that I have not been charged, but bailed with a strict no contacting of my partner for 30 days pending further investigation.We have young children involved, I can contact them by phone but any personal contact must be through a third party. I’m already aware that my partner is likely having deep regret at what’s happened but feel she is being guided by her friend. If we need anything it’s a relation counsellor not being kept apart pending further investigation.
I’m feeling very isolated and terrified at where this may go. Just reaching out for any thoughts about a likely outcome and how people managed things like this.
Thanking in advance.

[jno]

I think self defence actually constiutes a defence to the charge (ie you're not guilty), not just mitigation; but someone will probably be along to give you a more informed view.

[bednobs]

You must absolutely stick to what the police have told you to do. You must demonstrate you have control. Even if she calls and invites you round for dinner with the kids

[calmck]

Agree with no contact no matter what she says. Does the no contact apply to children? If not could a family member or friend bring them to you and return them to you wife or arrange an exchange at police station but not with your wife bringing them. How old are they

[barry1010]

calmck, James has said that personal contact with the children must be through a third party, so he can see them at least.

It is impossible to forecast the likely outcome. You cited self-defence as your defence but we don't know what your partner has said. She might deny attacking you, she might claim self-defence or extreme provocation (also a valid defence).

Abide by the conditions of your bail and stay sober.

[James02]

Our children are young, primary school age. I was told by the duty sgt that I can speak by phone with them and text. Contact personally is through a 3rd party. I appreciate the help and guidance. Just feel so alone and upset it’s got to this stage and that the bail conditions seem so draconian for a family that wants to be together but have rules and regulations stipulated by police. At the same time I understand they must conduct their investigations.

[brainiac]

Whatever you do, abide by the bail conditions, and resist ALL temptations not to.

[barry1010]

James, you can surely understand the reason for the bail conditions. You have admitted to both you and your partner being drunk and both of you being violent. That is not a good environment for children and the police have to be sure that home is a safe place for them.

You say that you know your partner has deep regret for what has happened - as if it is all her fault. That is not the attitude to present to the police.

[Maydup]

The only way to prove that you are not normally a violent person, ir regularly under the influence of alcohol, it to abide by the rules.

The outcome is likely to be fine if you do that. and with any luck your partner will withdraw the charges or admit to being equally to blame, but keep your head down for now.

Did you have a friend or family member who can help you to meet up with the children sometime ?

[James02]

yes we should be able to sort something out for me see the children, logistically its hard but i've had offers to assist from mutual third parties. I do appreciate the advice and support,its very welcome thank you.

[davebro]

Why are you (both) drinking to excess when you have young children to care for? I think your relationship & lifestyle needs to hit the re-set button.

[James02]

totally agree, whatever happens its time for a period of reflection and discussion ( when we're allowed of course)on the best way forward from this point. A wake up call and reality check.