Solicitor's Letter Is Being Ignored.

[jourdain2]

This goes back to my post on Family, 29/11/16. Stepson has walked out on long-term partner and refuses all contact except on own grounds, will demand entry to house for things he wants. He has not contacted any member of his family since then. Mr J2 had sent cheque for birthday days before we knew of this and it has not been cashed. Massive mid-life crisis & I am certain he has had a breakdown (he has behaved cruelly and callously as if no family matters at all).

However, poor partner (Teaching Assistant, not well-paid and rest of family is solidly with her) is trying to keep largeish house in Devon going (she owns 1/3rd) - he has told her that it will be on the market next month. He is living with new woman in rented house (we have discovered they are illegally subletting) and refuses to pay any part of household bills (e.g. rates). The solicitor she consulted says that he must pay his part and wrote to him a month ago - no response. This cost her £50 and she simply can't afford to keep doing it.

Any help out there, please? Stepson just won't speak to anyone.

[jourdain2]

Thanks again - no, he won't engage with anyone. (Seriously - the ones who have encountered him say he won't engage. Surely the law can understand this sort of thing? But Jarndyce etc... Very appreciative,, Barmaid,
but I just don't know where to go - this feels all wrong and against natural justice. It's simply wrong.

[EDDIE51]

Looks like the best bet is as Barmaid says to get a residence order with the help of Shelter or the domestic abuse helpline she gave. That has to be first priority.

[jourdain2]

Thanks EDDIE, this is all horrible.

[EDDIE51]

You have my sympathy and I'm hoping it turns out as well as possible.

[jourdain2]

Update: rang D an hour ago, she is in a state. A came round this eve. to say date on which he was marketing the house - a week or so too early for forced agreement and she stood up to him. Horrid scene ensued. He accuses her of blackening him to the family (we found out from his bro.) and so I have just been double-deleting my emails to her as he has threatened untold legal investigations. Am now certain he is not in right mind. Good bit is that she managed to talk to Mr. J2 (could hear the tears) and he reinforced the 'you must fight' message. She hadn't contacted Shelter, but he made her promise and I am sure she will. I would guess that she is crying herself to sleep at the mo., but hopefully she will wake with new resolve (1st time she's had MrJ2 instructing her to fight!). He keeps waving this 'Declaration of Trust' at her and she crumbles. We've both told her to fight etc., etc. and given all the info we've gleaned. Honestly, after all this we have each had to be brutal and force her to realise that it is over, can never be the same. I feel quite bad, as, I am sure, does OH. However we now know we have done our best advice-wise and can work on practicalities until anything else arises. She'll have a go at the junior junior barrister site as well.

Deepest thanks to all who have contributed and tried to help. xxxxxx

[EDDIE51]

The Stepson is behaving exactly as I thought he would, trying to bully her into handing over the house. It is essential that she stands up to him and gets hold of Shelter.Did he say which estate agent he is going to use so that they can be warned?

[jourdain2]

No, EDDIE - but I will find out and contact them myself- we have until15th Feb. for the 3 mths. to be up (to cap it all this is her birthday!).

[EDDIE51]

She really MUST get the residence order started ASAP. If she does not do it I would contact Shelter and explain the situation myself and then at least you will know where she stands and get a plan of action in hand!
In fact I would do that anyway as then you have the information 'straight from the horse's mouth' as it were ! You could do it and explain that as a teaching assistant she can't get time off to do it herself and you want to act on her behalf.

[jourdain2]

Good thinking, EDDIE, will do. :)

[EDDIE51]

Good on you!
While you are at it ask a solicitor about the chances of legal aid. I still think his 'mental abuse and mental cruelty' is regarded as equal to physical abuse/cruelty and will qualify her for legal aid!

[jourdain2]

Hi! Took me ages this afternoon to get to talk to David from Shelter. (4 phone calls and a lot of hanging on.) When I explained it all, he felt that it was complicated and went off to ask advice. No real result. It is the exact wording of this dratted 'Declaration of Trust' that is the problem. Their advice was to take it to a solicitor! Bit disappointed, but understand. They do not think that she can get legal aid under the current rules. They did give the phone number and address of her local citizen's advice beaureau
and advised her to contact them and suggested that she call the local Housing officer to explain the situation in advance. Beginning to feel a bit let down by the powers-that-be. They thought that it was a good idea of mine to speak to the estate agents and warn them that a sale might be problematical. Bit cheesed-off, this seems so wrong! :(

[EDDIE51]

Sorry it's proving so hard.Get hold of CAB they may need notice to get legal advice as it looks complicated so make an appointment.
It just goes to prove though that the stepson has thought this out in advance and planned it all, hence the 'declaration of trust'. Looks like rather than 'having a crisis' he is just putting a callous but thought out plan into action.

[jourdain2]

That's what we have, reluctantly, come to believe EDDIE. Poor Mr.J2 has emailed again to no avail - no response is really weird. He now no longer wishes to talk to his son ever again. It is so sad, but I don't see what more we can do on that front. I am trying to keep a door open for repentance. I'll ring CAB myself tomorrow (in school today and have a long survey to complete). Mr. J2 may decide to use money intended to be left to stepson to help fund legal expenses, it's not a lot and I won't press the matter, but would help. Thanks yet again. :)

[EDDIE51]

Yes I agree with not leaving him the money but putting it aside for legal fees.
Still try for legal aid even if you don't get 100% you might get a %
( it goes down to 10% ) even if the answer is NO you have lost nothing. Legal aid is decided by an independent body not by the solicitor you are using and you can appeal against a refusal.

[EDDIE51]

Any new development on this Jourdain.

[jourdain2]

Thank you for remembering, EDDIE, I didn't want to keep harping on and bothering people. Well, Mr. J2 and I talked it over and I said that I was prepared to put some savings into a 'fighting fund' - turned out that that was all he needed to take action himself. In a phone call at the weekend I said this to youngest son and (surprise!) he and his wife had also made the same decision and they'd spoken to Mr J2s daughter - who agreed. So we are going to 'crowd fund' proper legal advice.

It fell to me to get in touch with D on Sunday, she started by saying she was just waiting and that furniture kept disappearing. Anyway, I told her what we were ready to do - poor woman burst into tears and I had all on soothing her. I have extracted a promise to visit CAB and Shelter and a cheque from me is on the sideboard as I type - receiving that will, I think, convince her that she can act. Mr J2 has told her in these words 'funds will be available - fight him'. So that's where we are at present.

Again, thank you so much for your caring. I'll try to keep you up-to-date on this. x

[EDDIE51]

Thanks for the update. It seems to me that you and your OH may have to do most of this yourselves. The poor woman for whatever reason does not seem to actually be taking any action. Now she is standing by while the SIL removes the furniture!
I just pray that she does not allow him to come into the house while she is out and change the locks! it sounds the sort of thing he would try! She really needs to get the locks changed and only allow him entry when she is there and there is another person to supervise what he does and takes!

[jourdain2]

I'd not thought about the locks - just spoken to Mr.J2 and he agrees that I should tell her. Off this site to email now. I'm dreading it, but it may come to me having to make that awfully long drive and a bit of physical 'standing by' - I really do hope not, it would be very hard. Mr J2 would probably want to accompany me and bring small dog, quite an upheaval - he's hale and hearty, but nearly 84 and this has hit hard, tough though he is. We'll see. What needs to be done will be done as well as we can.

[murraymints]

jourdain..thinking of you through this dreadful time...how stressful for you all....big hugs 'n' stuff xx

[EDDIE51]

Well done it is very hard. I can see this man doing something like getting in and changing the locks to keep the house for himself. Or removing so much furniture/ fittings that the house is uninhabitable.
She really does need to get some form of security so that she can continue to live in the house.
I heard of a similar situation where the ex husband was only allowed access to the house if there was a police officer present to make sure he did not take anything he was not entitled to, hurt her or damage the property. But in that case the wife had a 'no contact' order from the court.