Solicitor's Letter Is Being Ignored.

[jourdain2]

This goes back to my post on Family, 29/11/16. Stepson has walked out on long-term partner and refuses all contact except on own grounds, will demand entry to house for things he wants. He has not contacted any member of his family since then. Mr J2 had sent cheque for birthday days before we knew of this and it has not been cashed. Massive mid-life crisis & I am certain he has had a breakdown (he has behaved cruelly and callously as if no family matters at all).

However, poor partner (Teaching Assistant, not well-paid and rest of family is solidly with her) is trying to keep largeish house in Devon going (she owns 1/3rd) - he has told her that it will be on the market next month. He is living with new woman in rented house (we have discovered they are illegally subletting) and refuses to pay any part of household bills (e.g. rates). The solicitor she consulted says that he must pay his part and wrote to him a month ago - no response. This cost her £50 and she simply can't afford to keep doing it.

Any help out there, please? Stepson just won't speak to anyone.

[jourdain2]

Thanks minty, bless you xx

[jourdain2]

I've sent the email about locks. Think I will email younger (practical and very nice) younger son tomorrow, I suspect that he will turn up and change locks without any further prompting :) This is really; really not funny and very hard to cope with.

You know, if I wrote a novel about events in my life I would be accused of romancing........... perhaps I should and that is the upside to it all.

[goodgoalie]

Jourdain, though I haven't posted on this before, I've followed your posts on this with interest, and wish you well in this difficult situation. I think your point about writing it down is a really good idea, and I'd strongly recommend writing down what happens every day, as it will then be very helpful if things get more sticky down the line. Same goes for taking photos which might be of help if evidence of wrongdoing needs be proved. Good luck.

[jourdain2]

Thank you for your interest goodgoalie and for some good advice. :)

[EDDIE51]

Yes keeping a diary of all that happens is a very good idea. It will help if the 'S**** hits the fan'!

[jourdain2]

Taken advice on board, thanks. Cheque went 1st class today - other son has unearthed a solicitor acquaintance who is taking an interest.

[EDDIE51]

A solicitor as a 'friend' will be very helpful. I hope things are starting to look up for the poor lady.

[jourdain2]

So do I EDDIE - I think we've all realised that it is up to us to organise things for her. She's not stupid, just 'out of it'. At least there are the first signs of rebellion happening ad she has kept a notebook recording all the advice she has been given. I'll email tonight about her keeping a detailed record as well - and follow it up with a phone-call Fri. night or Sat.

[EDDIE51]

Keep up the good work, you are in my thoughts.

[murraymints]

stay angry..stay focused xx

[jourdain2]

Thanks minty, EDDIE - yes, slow-burning anger at injustice and insult is inside me (and OH) and will keep us going. I've just sent a long-ish email about diary etc. and saying for the 1st time that this is going to have to come to a court case. (Not sure about that, but may be another useful jolt.) Mr J2 mutters things about if we have to go down to Devon, he'll take my horsewhip(useful for all sorts of stuff) and I don't think he's 100% joking! One step after another is all we can do - you learn that with age. :)

[EDDIE51]

Yes, I can't see how this will end without a court fight.
That is why the diary is so important, it will be a tremendous help to her case.

[EDDIE51]

Thanks for the note on the other post Jourdain. I am very glad D has finally realised she is going to have to fight this all the way.
I've bookmarked this question so I can see it there are any replies from you or others.
Be sure to let me know if I can be of help in looking up information etc.

[jourdain2]

Thank you again, EDDIE. The legal thing is not looking too good. Apparently this 'Declaration of Trust' she signed was proposed by the solicitor when they bought the property as the equivalent of a 'pre-nup.' She now wishes that she had said 'yes' when he asked her to marry him, but it was before her divorce was finalised and she felt terribly vulnerable. I think I've helped to make her angry and my cheque arriving was a jolt to her system (as intended).

What we have got is a letter to prevent him just walking into the house whenever he wants (he has to make an appointment) and we are hoping against hope that he will break that. The other thing is that he has ripped out chunks of house preparatory to renovations and these have not happened; so she can go for recompense for loss of value due to his failure to complete renovations (I can swear that one room was ripped out 2 years ago - nothing has been done).

The Estate Agents he has appointed have put a high value on the house - way above the other 2 which we advised her to get - so her big weapon is, I have told her, to hang out for the price he has agreed with these agents and refuse to sell for under it. We have discovered he is paying £850 a month in rent, so he's not going to want to be doing that for too long and that gives her a handle. She has found a small house for £200K - about £50K more than her 1/3rd
and she can use this as a bargaining tool. At last she is taking things seriously. I've given good advice about viewings only by appointment - and on those days the washing-up will be late etc. etc.. (I am afraid I had to learn this the hard way, but I learnt.) and various other completely innocuous ways of putting buyers off. (I worked out some very sneaky wording!)

Hopefully, eventually, he will be forced to settle for her terms. Really good is that she has joined the local Community Choir and met up with old friends. One has asked her to accompany him to the local pantomime - a widower, donkeys years older, but also lonely and happy to have someone to go places with. So I hope we have turned the corner as regards fighting-back.

I very, very much appreciate your help and support on this EDDIE and thank you sincerely. I will not hesitate to keep you up-to-date and ask for advice. :) x

[EDDIE51]

Thanks Jourdain, keep fighting!

[jourdain2]

Quick update. Spoke to D yesterday and she is much more positive. Says that all the support she has received from friends and A's family has made her realise that she can't let them down and she must use all the help.

The doctor has increased her anti-depressant and anxiety medication (NEVER NEEDED IT BEFORE) and is concerned enough about her weight to insist on fortnightly appointments to be weighed and assessed. I suggested that she eat chocolates (I know, not usually advised, but she needs fats etc..) in an effort to stimulate her appetite. So she is being cared for; is resigned to the situation; beginning to fight back and come alive again and has an appointment with the Housing Dept.. Got to be better.

Don't think house will sell quickly (especially with my aids) so we shall have some time. Spoke to someone in local Education here and discovered that D's qualifications would be gold-dust here and ensure her a job (only about £15K, but enough up here if she can own her own house and car). I did a bit of searching, found lovely little houses for about £138K (she should get more than that) and about 6 jobs within 10 miles.

So, I dropped this into the conversation and have sent her some details of some of the houses, just to prove my point. It would be a huge move for her, but a totally new start and we would be around to help. She took the main point, however, which was that she had perfectly viable options. I'll have a word at the school I help in tomorrow as well.

So at least the inertia and despair are being conquered and a future considered. Onwards and upwards! :)

[EDDIE51]

A full 'New start' may be exactly what she needs, this could be a godsend!

[murraymints]

dont let the B grind you down ! xx

[jourdain2]

It could, EDDIE, I already have a few, trusted, people who would rally round to help.

No, Minty, over our staffroom door hung the legend (in VERY bad, faux Latin) 'Nil illiegimae carborundum'. (Or so I was told :))

We shall be up near Hawick again in May (13th/20th) small, nervous dog means we shan't really be doing towns. Any likelihood of being able to meet up anywhere? Gness has my email.

Keeping going folks, I just will not let D be crushed. Digging in. :)

[murraymints]

sure we can sort something out x