parental responsabilty

[stebzy]

my daughter is 7yrs old and her father wants to take me to court to get parental responsabilty as i want to move to Ireland Dublin. he wants to use this to stop me leaving country. is there any way i can stop him getting this as he is a very controlling man and will try to ruin my life. i let him see her every wk end and when i move i will let him have her in school holidays.

[Whickerman]

that's very good of you.

Perhaps if you stopped lending her to him like a cd, and started sharing your daughter's time between her mother and father there'd be less aggro. What kind of attitude do people think their kids will grow up with if they're used in this way?

I hope there's no way - he has a right to be part of his daughter's life. And I'm sorry if my tone upsets you, it's a topic i feel strongly about.

[ojread2]

Taking your child away from her father will be the absolute single worse thing you could do to her; believe me I know.

I hope that a) he can stop you and b) he puts up a fight

[deisegirl]

hi stez.i am in the very same situation except we would like to move to meath.you have to get a good solicitor, and talk through your options.if the child will have a better standard of life at home with you then you should go for it.there are plenty of fathers and mothers out there who only see kids at holidays and such.parental responsabilty doesn`t really give the father that much controll if the child is living with you it just means you have to discuss the big things with him i.e school choices health and of course moving.if you agree to give it to him you will both have to go and get it signed together in front of a judge.please try and talk to your childs dad and let him know what benifits the child would have if you moved and ireland is not a million miles away it is 55 mins from london to dublin flying he could still see the child at least every month as booking in advance the flights are really cheap. i really hope this helps and i hope all goes well for you all xxx

[Zzzzzzz]

What you have to do is decide what is best for your child not what is best for you!

How can taking a child away from her father be best for her?

Also you say that you will let him have her in the school holidays. What about your daughter? Do you not think this would be very difficult for her as i'm sure she'd also like to spend time with her friends. She would end up torn between wanting to do her own thing and feeling guilty about not wanting to spend the holidays with her father.

As a parent he should have parental responsibility - end of story.

It will backfire on you, believe me!

[TEAK36]

Why do some people think that 'letting him have her in the school Holidays' is a fair option. The summer Holidays is 6 weeks long and I imagine it would be virtually impossible for most people to get that sort of time off work.

If I was the Father, I would do everything in my power to prevent my daughter being taken to another country.

[Whickerman]

here's a thought - leave your daughter with him, and you move, and you see her on holidays. If you genuinely feel that's enough exposure to a parent it should suit all concerned.

However, I'll bet it'd kill you to do that and would also hurt your daughter. Now reverse the situation - that's what you're planning to do to your daughter and her father, and see why most people on here would side with the father.

[Pippa68]

I really cannot stand the 'let him have her' attitude.

I agree with Whickerman. It is because of situations like this that there is now automatic parental responsibility given to unmarried fathers.

[bednobs]

there isnt any way you can "stop" him getting this - the courts will decide, that is why he is taking it to court. Is there a compromise here? Dublin is in another country, outside the uk so i can see why th father wants to stop you. He may be controlling but unfortunately YOU chose him to be the father of your child, and he has all the rights and responsibilities that come with that. He is seeing her regularly now, so must be at least in some way responsible. Does he pay any money toward her up keep? Again if he does, he is being a model father really, so there ont be any reason for the court not to grant what he wants.

Sorry but i agree with the others - just seeing her in the holidays is crap and i don't think you'd like it if it was you

[stebzy]

i wrote that question people lets me give you the facts when he has her for week end he takes her to pub and when i ask him not to he lies and takes her any way. he took her on holiday and gave her walkie talkies so he didnt have to go park with her but sent her bye her self.oh and my final but great point to all you haters he dont pay a penny in child support. so i think his a lucky man to see his child every wkend. Going to Dublin is for a better life!

[Pippa68]

We aren't haters.

It would have been more pertinent for you to have put other facts in your original post. However bednobs is correct ~ you will of course have your say in court, and he is entitled to do the same.

The final say will be from the judge, who will hear facts from both sides and make a decision based on them. The fact that he doesn't pay any child support will probably be another issue, although will not be looked upon greatly by the judge.

The main issue to be addressed will be the best interests of the child, and as she has had constant contact with her father every weekend it isn't favourable that this is dropped to a few weeks here and there.

Oh, and way to go for giving yourself stars. You must take on board the fact that there are many people who have child contact issues on this site ~ myself included. Giving stars to someone simply for agreeing with you isn't good.

[Whickerman]

stebzy

I'm not a 'hater'. I am, however, a father, and I have spent my last 15 years making sure that my daughter has the best upbringing I could give her. I would be devastated if she wasn't the biggest part of my life. My daughter's mother and I broke up when my daughter was very young, but we were adult enough to realise that our problems weren't my daughter's problems. There has been more than one occasion where I've had to make huge sacrifices to ensure my daughter's happiness, and i've had to hold my tongue on more than one occasion, believe me!

But, regardless, we got through it and continue to do so. Maybe we're lucky, unusual, or both.

But if you feel moving away's in the best interest of your child, you should do so. But if he's interested enough to go through court to get time with her, maybe, just maybe, there's more there than you think?

I'm not judging you, I can't, i don't know you. But I can give you one generalisation that seems to be widely true - kids are better off with both parents in their lives.

I'm sorry if you don't agree, you're in the best position to judeg.

[Goodsoulette]

Controlling man could be code for he used to beat the crap out of me. My ex has very strong opinions about family but unfortunately with them he beat the **** out of me. He now says that I am not allowed to date anyone and no one is ever allowed to meet my kids. If he finds out the kids have met someone he doesn't know all hell breaks out. The amount of times he has said to me, let me have the kids and you see them every now and then etc etc My ex also doesn't pay us a penny, and despite everything he did to me, I still bow to his demands of when he can and cant see them.

I really feel fr you Stebzy, he sounds a bit like my ex infection.

[Goodsoulette]

To answer your question properly though, the courts can and will order a radius area where a mother can move with the children in order to stop this happening. They can also use the Hague convention to stop it..... depends on your circumstance I suppose.

[Pippa68]

Very true Goodie...however the term 'controlling' was used to describe Mr Pippa simply because he wanted to know :

WHY did his daughter always seem to be ill when it was contact weekend?

WHY was his daughters mother always out with his daughter late at night when he had to have her home by 5 o'clock so that she could get ready for bed?

WHY was the mother insistant their daughter had asthma even though several doctors had said she didn't.

This lot and several other questions were misconstrued as interfering and controlling ~ luckily all were deemed sensible questions from a caring father.

[stebzy]

thanks for all ur comments, you gave me lots to think about. but fathers just because the mother of your child has screwed you over doesn't mean that every woman with a child is like that, most of us just want what is best for are children. what ever you may think!!

[Whickerman]

That's very fair stebzy. I think I have to admit my first post was coloured by having just read 2 posts further down where men were going through hell with their exes.

[Goodsoulette]

I see where you are coming from Pippa, I just have the shoe on the otehr foot and am sick of being painted as the bad guy, when I get no money, no help. everything on his terms and knowing that my life will never progress because he is an obsessional fukcwit. If I had the chance I would have emigrated a year ago.

[bednobs]

hi gs, sorry to butt in and you dont have to answer but there is something ive never undertstood (not just with you) but why on earth chose these people to be fathers to your kids (therefore tying them to you FOREVER) if they are so crap/obsessional/controlling/stupid?

[helpplz]

hi stebzy i'm afraid everyone is right in saying that the father has a say i should know i've just been through the same thing but if a company called CAFASS get involved they are fantastic they interview both parents and the child if they are old enough, they really go into detail and then they file a report to court on what they see is in the best interest to the child, but they take your interest, your daughters interest and the father's interest into consideration. They helped me alot i have just been granted permission to take my daughter out of u.k to move to france which has taken me over a year and half to finalize but thanks to cafass it probably would of taken alot longer.

[Goodsoulette]

Bednobs, I have no idea. I suppose I always thought he would stop. After giving birth to my second child, within a few hours he was shouting at me for no reason. Well in his mind it was a good reason but to everyone else it was ludicrous. It was all about him having to go back and get the car seat. This strop continued for 4 days. Constantly banging on at me. As I had recently given birth and we had a stream of midwives and visitors in and out the house he managed to contain his fists but I knew it was over. It still too me a year to leave him though.

I was also very scared about being alone forever, how I would work and cope with the kids alone etc.

Knowing I have this tie with him forever is the most depressing part of my life some days. He is the biggest mistake of my life but he wondered in at a point when I was week and besides that, what doesn't kill us only makes us a stronger. Its jst a shame that I let him get so close to the nearly killing me part.