inheritance after leaving clarification

[samanthaxxx]

I think I have confused everybody with my question so I will start again with more detail and by the way I don't appriecate being called a greedy sod so if you havent got anything valid to say don't bother. After tweny years of marriage I left my husband in november 2005 due to unreasonable behavour as he was constantly undermining me in front of family and friends putting me down comparing my mothering skills to his perfect sister and even my own sister and friends making me feel completly worthless among other things so I walked because I was unhappy and couldn't bear to be with him any longer. I managed to rent a small flat and worked long hours to pay the rent. I took nothing from the house even though we had built up everything together and I had to buy all the basics again ie bed sofa table chairs linen and so on. Prior to that while I was still with him in about 2003 his mother became very ill and had to have constant care in a nursing home 80 miles away near his sister and we used to visit her or he used to go on his own while I looked after the kids at home in london so I supported him all through her illness and she eventually died in march 2004. As far as i am aware her assets were just divided between her 3 adult children my husband being one of them. He recieved it just after i left or so he says; As i said earlier I left him in nov 2005 and started divorce proceedings in 2006 we were referred to mediation where this inheritance of �162k was taken into account but as mediation was a very slow process with appointments few and far between I decided to ask my solicitor to write directly to his solicitor for a settlement and today i got the letter saying I wasn't entitled to any of the inheritance because I had deserted him and the children to live with another man which isn't true. All i am asking for is enough to get a mortgage buy a property so my daughters can come and stay sometimes.

[samanthaxxx]

By the way we are still married as the divorce can't proceed until the financial stuff is sorted out. and I pay maintanance to my daughters and buy them clothes etc. He earns more per month than i do.

[lady_p_gold]

Well as far as I understand it the behaviour of the parties does not really make any difference these days in the division of assets. If you get a divorce then the marital assets are divided according to the factors of length of the marriage, future needs of the parties and their children etc. I think the solicitor is bluffing, however I am not sure why you are writing to the solicitor yourself. You need to get a solicitor and do it all properly you need both to fill in the declaration of outgoings and if you cannot decide on a settlement then the court will. Also you should be entitled to a proportion of his pension, as he is entitled to yours (if you have one) and you would be entitled to at least half of the house, or more.

[samanthaxxx]

hi lady_ p _gold yes I do have A solicitor as I said in my post I got my solicitor to write to his solicitor because mediation was just taking too long and getting nowhere everytime we had an appt my husband wouldn't have all his details and I still havent found out what actual date he recieved this. He got it in two parts �43000 in december 2005 which I havent seen any proof of what date or account it went into he says he dosent remember and �122000 which was credited in a building soc in april 2006 which i have seen proof of.
Regarding the pension question His solicitor seems to say because of the expense of apportioning payments (whatever that means) and because it cannot be of any benefit for a long time its not worth bothering about but we are talking 130,000 worth of pension so i will have to seek advice on that too.
It has been agreed that I will get half the equity on the house and half the endowments which totals �93,000 i have already had an interim payment a few months ago to clear some debts accrued while still living with him and things I had to buy for this flat and six months rent up front to move in here which were on my credit cards gaining interest. I think he only gave me some in advance because he was worried that if i defaulted on the payments they might come atfer the house which is in my name too.
With what is left and working out what mortgage I can get I would just about manage to afford a tiny flat while he is living in a 4 bedroomed detached house. only 1 daughter lives there with him the other is at university in scotland.

[amonty1144]

Maybe you should consider changing your solicitor, I assume that your husband won't try and work it out directly as he's scared of losing what he has.
My ex was the same and lied through his teeth about what investments he had, private pension etc, miraculously they all 'disappearred'. eventually because I became extremely unwell, not related to the divorce, he came to an arrangement where I took a smaller amount but quicker, I got shafted but needed the money for medical expenses. I think the court runs some sort of mediation service, perhaps they can help.
I realsie that you need the money to move on, perhaps if you come in with a smaller request he might pay it, to get it settled.
Good luck

[amonty1144]

I forgot, it respect of the inheritance, I thoought they could only take into account what was part of the marriage, so if the inheritance came within the period of you being together, then you would be entitlted, a bit tricky if the delay in paying out a sbeen to thwart your claim.
The example being if he bought a lottery ticket while you were married and claimed, you could have some, if he delayed claiming until you had left, you could claim, if he bought the ticket now, you can't.

[plowter]

It's not quite clear who's looking for a divorce. Are you raising a divorce action on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour? Is he contesting the divorce or is he seeking divorce on the grounds of adultery or desertion?

Whatever grounds there are, you both have to make your case and provide evidence or witness statements.

Both solicitors should be working for their clients to come to a settlement over the property and possessions from the marriage. This includes pensions, although it's unlikely the pension would be released as 'cash'.

Your solicitor should obtain full details of all your ex-partner's assets, income and expenditure. If there's any obstruction then he can obtain this through court action.

There may be additional on-going financial support (maintenance) to support the former partner. Your solicitor should be helping you argue your case or explain if this is an unrealistic expectation in your circumstances.

Custody of the children and financial provision for their support will also need to be agreed. Has custody been agreed?

Divorce frequently means a change in lifestyle and expectation. You may have experienced a large drop in income since splitting up. Be realistic about what you can afford for the moment until the divorce settlment is agreed.

Good luck.

[flip_flop]

Opinion only, but hey, that's what this site is for to a degree - it obviously goes without saying that you are pefectly entitled to half of the assets of the house, and indeed some of the pension particularly as, presumably, you stayed at home to bring up your kids and therefore weren't contributing to your own pension - strikes me that that is morally just.

However, his mother's inheritance? Really? Come on, isn't that a bit unreasonable? Morally questionable even?

Even if you are "entitled" to some of it, don't you think you should back-off? this is a gift bequethed to him by his mum fer gawd's sake! You've moved on, found another relationship, are going to get the best part of �100k and probably a share of the pension pot.

Leave his inheritance alone.

[samanthaxxx]

I know you say that because its his mothers inheritance leave it alone but I always thought that a court would take the needs of both parties into account.as this money enables him to keep a big house have an expensive car and still have money in the bank and a very small mortgage. however I will have to have a small flat and large mortgage and no spare money to be able to buy my daughters anything.
I was married to this guy for 20 years gave up my career in a bank to raise our two children who are now 18 and 19 by the way so custody isn't an issue had part time jobs throughout our marriage to help out financially when things were tough often working till 2am in the morning stacking shelves and then getting the kids up for school etc.
I feel i played a large contribution in raising two beautiful clever daughters and maintaning a good home doing all the housework and cooking because he never did any of that stuff also doing most of the decorating etc. So just because I couldn't stay in an unhappy marriage is it morally fair that he can live in comfort for the rest of his life and I have to struggle. Regardless of where this extra money come from he has the potental to earn more than i do in the future and a big fat pension at the end of it.

[PortlandBill]

Check the other thread. I have posted some things there. It is largely irrelevant to you that he can now afford a bigger hous edue to a windfall and I belive that you will find the courts agree. I write as a law student and someone who has far too many friends on lap two or three.

[flip_flop]

Is it just the time proximity that makes you feel entitled to his inheritance?

Would you still feel entitiled to it if it happened, say, 10 years after you split up?

[bednobs]

i would say with this new information that my "common sense" answer from your other post still stands. After all if you were to win the lottery tnght, or come into an inheritance of your own, you really wouldn't expect to share it with him would you? In my opinion you should be pleased you are out of a horrible marriage and your children have somewher nice to live. If you now married a millionaire and had a great style of living, would you still expect to get some of that money?

[themas]

I really don't understand what your own solicitor is doing (or not doing?) in relation to this. His job is to advise you on what you are entitled to and to act for you to obtain the best result he can; alternatively to help you go to Court for a judge to decide if you cannot - through the solicitors - reach an agreement.


Your solicitor needs to advise you on what your ex's solicitor has said in his letter. The pension should certainly be split unless there are particular reasons for not doing so; the inheritance is more problematic but from what you say it seems possible that you might have an argument that you should have some part of it. The errors in the solicitor's letter (about you leaving to live with someone else) must be refuted.

[samanthaxxx]

yes the time proximity is an issue and i think i need to find out when he actually recieved these two inheritance cqs. i am only going on what he has said I have seen no proof of the dates they were issued to him so maybe i need my sol to get some proof. its just that all the years we were married he was very cagey about any money he had and very tight with it as well and saying he doesnt remember which account he paid in the one for �43000 in dec 2005 makes me very suspicous he is hiding something.

[PortlandBill]

perhaps unwisely, i will say this. you have found new life. your children are old enough to be safe. maybe it is time to move on and generate a new life. more court? more animosity? more jealousy? just give it up maybe, you are old enough to know. i also accept that i will take flack for this but hey! we fall in and out of love so why do we all argue about the cash value of the love we lost? Move on. life is too short and it strikes me that youn have an opportunity that has a greater value than cash.

[samanthaxxx]

I know what you are saying portland bill and believe me I want to move on but money is very tight and the thought of having to struggle with a massive mortgage is hard when a bit of extra money would make all the difference. I want to be able to take my girls on a holiday in the future and buy them things they need so i need to get this sorted out. I know i have a new life now but i also invested a hell of a lot in the old one and tried hard to make the marriage work but there is only so much a person can take before having to give up and move on.