Leaving home at 8

[bestmum]

Did anyone watch this programme on C4 last night at 9pm? What did you think of it? I felt really sorry for April she really didn't want to be there did she? As a parent myself I couldn't think of doing such a thing to my daughter. That poor girl must have felt so lonely and abandoned. Why have kids in the 1st place if you are going, to palm them off on a boarding school as soon as the turn 8. Must be quite rich to be able to send both kids to a private boarding school. Hope she is still enjoying being at boarding school now, i felt so sad for her.

[LoftyLottie]

I must admit Tambo that the particular boarding school my son went to gave him so many opportunities he could never have had if he had not gone. Gave him a far more rounded education and, above all, made him think for himself and encouraged him to be his own person. It was the best thing we ever did for him. However, I do feel sorry for children who are sent away against their wishes - although, as you say, in some cases parents have no choice.

I still think however 8 is much too young to leave home. What really upsets me is that at 8 years old children still need physical cuddles. However much attention and love they get from the boarding school staff, they cannot give them any physical affection. That to me is deprivation and can lead to all sorts of problems right through their lives.

[tamborine]

All the children of same age 'suffer' same deprivation. In the company of peers they are soon distracted, and with the help of qualified staff. Some kids whinge about going to the local school - that's kids!

[LoftyLottie]

I still think physical affection is very important to development. They can be distracted but this isn't necessarily a good thing. Qualified staff are not allowed to show physical affection. Unless it couldn't be avoided I would never send an 8 year old away. Someone I know sent all her children to boarding school at 8 - to the other side of the country. Two of them were OK. One of them did not grow for a year and that was put down to stress. She said she was worried about him. If he were mine he would have come home.

[tamborine]

Kids do have the emotions of their parents ie genes etc. A good parent will ease the child into the chosen school and secure the kids confidence.

[LoftyLottie]

But physical contact and and security at a young age increases confidence. We gave my son the opportunity to choose from several schools and he chose what we wanted, so perhaps he has inherited our genes. It was still the worst time of my life when he went away to school though - he just didn't bother to contact us for three weeks - life was so good! - and he was most surprised that we should have been worried. I can remember him saying that he knew we were always there if he really needed us - now that is what I call confidence in a young person!

[tamborine]

typical Lofty ;) Just like pets.....you think you're they're most loved till they find another feeder.

Some parents coddle kids forever, given the chance. When the kid is teenage and rebels against parental control, the parent wonders where they've gone wrong.

To say you shouldn't have kids if they're bundled off to boarding school is insulting. To have kids and indulge their every whim is irresponsible.

[LoftyLottie]

Sorry Tamborine, I never coddled my kid! Cuddling is not coddling. My son went overseas at the tender age of just 16 (pre six form college and climbed Mt Kinabaloo, and did various other things - just him and a friend.) Does that sound like an overprotective Mum? He was never a rebelious teenager and was treated in an adult fashion from quite a young age. I expected good behaviour and he received the appropriate discipline.

He was not indulged - far from it. How can you think that physical affection towards a child is indulgant? I found it difficult to cope without him - it was a tremendous wrench - but that did not make it a problem for him.

I don't remember saying that people shouldn't have children if they're just bundled off to boarding school.

8 is just too young in my opinion.

[tamborine]

lofty - my answers are not personal to you; they're in response to all the answers given. I didn't see the tv program but only saw the video here.

I went to boarding school as my father was in the army....while I missed them & only saw them for summer hols I dont feel like HRH Charles & his whinges......some were 'bullying nuns' but I soon learned how to outwit them.

[pusskin]

hi smudge.
i've not followed the link untill this morning! (sorry for delay)
I did see the programme on iplayer ! say no more ---that was so sad to watch!
it brings back sad and happy memories for me too.

p.s. mine were green wellies in them days? (ha ha) x

[LoftyLottie]

The stories my son tells of outwitting the staff are quite hilarious Tambo, especially after 'lights out'. They had such fun in that school, always something to do. Mind you I think the fact that they had mixed boarding houses made it a more 'normal' atmosphere. And their relationships with the staff were really good too. I would love to have gone there rather than the all girls grammar school I had to attend.

The other lovely thing was that I didn't have to be the one to oversee homework!! The was just great and his work really was all his own work!!

[smudge]

I'll agree to disagree with most of your postings tamborine.

P.S. My comments regarding the cute, but precocious kid in the advert still stands!

[smudge]

BTW tamborine - I wasn't a whinger, I was homesick for Christ's sake!

[smudge]

How insensitive & uncaring some people come across!

[smudge]

P.P.S. I was far from mollycoddled tamborine!

I was the 7th of 10 children, but was was truly loved & cared for, up until my Mother was ill & up until she died.

[tamborine]

Ooooh smudge....you have taken umbrage - nothing I've said is personal to anyone and we all have different circumstances for using the schools we choose. All schools have their good & bad points.

I was privileged to attend my school; also travelled a lot globally (that's educational too) with father's postings. Sorry you had a bad experience but its behind you now.....life is what you make it.

[smudge]

Bully for you tamborine. I've also travelled the world - but what's that got to do with being homesick for a couple of short periods in my life?!

I've also had a very happy, fullfilled life since leaving my 'Secondary Modern School for Girls' - going on to do many successful things my peers didn't manage to do, but I won't rub it in.....!

[josaphine32]

My sisters 2 boys Board at the Dragon school in oxford, The youngest who is 7 has just started ( september ) and found it tough, He loves it now and is settled in well, My sister and i argue over this at times as i feel it is not healthy for a young child to not have a normal family upbringing from there parents, statistics have shown that boarding kids are more likely to stay single as find it difficult to settle down in adulthood. I cried when i watched this program

[tamborine]

so what is your point smudge.....parents

a: unfit parents if children dispatched to boarding school
b: boarding schools closed
c: children reared entirely at home are more balanced?
e: snobbery

[LoftyLottie]

I think boarding is OK for older kids Josaphine. Secondary school age and if they are happy with it. But I speak obviously as a Mum whose son went to boarding school at 11 and loved it. He certainly hasn't had any difficultly settling down into adulthood and hasn't remained single ;o)

Every child is different though, every family is different and the main thing is that children are loved and are happy and some are happy even if they go to boarding school at 7/8, especially if it is a normal occurence in their families. The programme certainly didn't make me cry, but I could not have let that little girl return to that school when she was so upset.

[LoftyLottie]

By the way my son went to a state boarding school! Very few and far between.