Thoughts On My Song?

[river454]

I know perhaps I shouldn't promote on here. But really want to hear what people think. The song is called "A Tale Of Tragic Love In London" and is a romantic tragedy song about grief and loss. I'm a song writer currently aiming to put a band together in London.

[royfromaus]

as I walk down brixton in autumn
I see you standing by the nuclear dawn

[river454]

I actually value your negative feedback roy despite how hostile it is.. But I am not a recording technician and am new to it so this will come, hence yes the recording is rough on that front... But is what you're really saying... My vocals are awful?? Personally I think there's a chance they are poor... For this reason I'll give up, prob be best. Is this what you're saying?

[royfromaus]

I know lquite a few musicians (Mark Rae in a fashion) some are great and are making money...some are very average and know they won't make money but they enjoy it.
I put you in the latter. That's not me being hostile, it is me being honest.

[river454]

TheCorbyloon... the correct line as mentioned by someone else is "nuclear dawn" it is a famous, popular mural of a skeleton in Brixton, London

[choux]

river, Canary @ 20:25 gave what I thought to be a good answer. I could hear the strings very well but had no success at separating the lyrics. Could you try to make changes to the next recording you do?

It is a shame to think you might give up this easily :(

[river454]

Roy I actually appreciate this honesty :) Id rathet you say "dude u such" so I apply my mind elsewhere... again tho is it the vocals u are getting at here? or the lyrics/melody/guitar? .... The one thing most have told me is that the songwriting is good. But I have sensed they feel my vox arent the best.

[Arksided]

Hard to hear some of the lyrics, what I thought was seemed a bit flat, no mid eighth to at least change the scale a bit.

That said good luck keep plucking away.

[river454]

Hi Choux. Thanks I am going there again tomorrow and I'll record again the same song with higher volume on vocals and less reverb as well... I have included the lyrics as of now in the description if this helps. I appreciate your comment :)

[royfromaus]

I'm a great believer in less is more when it comes to lyrics.

Stick at it and enjoy it.

[choux]

Good chap. If you really want to be a success you need to keep focused on your goal, whatever it takes. You have had 60+ views and 1 like :)

[Arksided]

Mark Rae Was full of BS made out he played the drums, he couldn’t even identify a clutch on a hi-hat anyone who’d sat behind a drum kit would know what it is. If a “musician” plenty of other bs he came up with was just laughable.

[THECORBYLOON]

"Nuclear dawn" might be famous to some but I've never heard of it.

You've not put up the full lyrics by the way.

[THECORBYLOON]

"You have had 60+ views and 1 like :)"

A fair few are my trying to work out the words...

[royfromaus]

As I walk down brixton in autumn
I see you standing by the nuclear dawn
As I walk that bridge of westminster
I see you standing by the river

And these bright lights remind me of that look in your eyes
And these restaurants they taunt me with all our good times.
I didn't expect that I would see you here
Instead this place paints your picture clear

In my dreams I still see you smiling
With black dyed hair in the night time
How I wish this city could free me
So I could hold you and make those memories

But that time has passed
And you're gone from my sight
Like the streets of London
On a misty cold night
I just wish I could go back once
To when we both laughed and I played that song

And this city was meant to make me forget you
This city was meant to make me forget you
This city was meant to make me forget you
But here I dream of what can not come true

So I will drink a shot of rum for you
And I will think of when I held you too
If you had only held out for longer
Could have helped you fight
Coulda made you stronger

Now if only your ghost was as real as my memory
I would give up this life and dig up what I buried
But I will never see your face again
So here I'll stay right until the end

[THECORBYLOON]

There are further lines in the song.

[river454]

Corbyloon... These are actually the full lyrics :) But you are right in that I repeated the same line quite a bit near the end.... "I will never see your face again" before finishing it with the final line.

Im glad I asked on here, you see for me I know what im saying so my brain isnt able to relate when people say they cant hear them. But that's only cos I know what Im saying ofc. But due to the amount of ppl saying they cant hear them I know I must pay 100% attention to this going forward.

Incidentally this song is a real life tragedy/story (based on anyway) about my gf who decided to call it quits a few months ago.