3 teenage mothers

[milly143]

I read this article just now - http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1405668.html?menu=

I am so shocked at what their mother said, blaming it on society and the school. Sex ed at my school was pretty useless but managed not to get up the duff. Is it just me or is bad parenting partly to blame for this. This has really got my goat so I'm not even going to start on the amount of benefits they get!

[Lillabet]

Their mother does sound totally ineffective. They are children, her children and she is primarily responsible for their welfare. Whilst schools have certain responsibilities the time spent in class no matter how good can't make up for a lack of guidance at home.

As a mother it is up to her to know what her daughters are up to, where they go and who they see. Also to provide them with moral / ethical guidance.

If she is happy for her children and grandchildren to all live off the state then this is just an extension of her incapability to accept any responsibility. Having said that I am assuming that the girls chose 1, to have sex, 2, not to use contraception and 3, to keep and raise the resultant kids. They too should take a lot of responsibility along with the boyfriends and the boyfriends' parents. School and society come after all these individuals...

[QmunkE]

Poor parenting, but look at the children - four GCSEs? I sat eleven! Behold those who would doubt there is a link between intelligence and common sense.

Clearly, they have not had a stable home life - their mother is a double divorcee - I would imagine this would contribute to their apparent lack of control or morals - all their supposed "boyfriends" are guilty of a criminal act by engaging in sexual relations with them, so they should be apprehended and punished to the fullest extent of the law.

As for the amount of benefits they get, I hope they spend them wisely - I can't see their children having a particularly happy childhood.

[netibiza]

Well said Lillabet - why do ineffectual parents always blame the schools?  What has happened to parental responsibilty - I checked with the school as to what my daughter was learning re contraceptives (and this being a catholic country) _ was pleased with what they said.  I then backed them up when my daughter needed it. But I felt basically it was my responsibilty to teach her the facts of life, and the consequences.

[bernardo]

I think that I must be rapidly getting middle aged, because in the last few months I have been increasingly thinking things [edited by The AnswerBank] as simplistic solutions to complex social problems - whether it's teenage mothers or chavs or hoodies etc.
The girls themselves and their mother are to blame, not society or the school.  Even the [edited by The AnswerBank] knows the basics of how babies are made, without needing to be taught the details of the process in school.

[londondave]

After seeing that I started to believe in my own thread of "Selective Breeding"

It is partly to do with that girls are starting periods at a younger age, so their bodies are telling them to have children, meaning that kids are having kids. If a 13 year old has a kid, by the time it is 10 the parent is still classed as a youth themselves so it is no wonder we have a yob rule on our streets.

A relation of mine works in a abortion clinic and the stats for under 16s terminating is incredible

[acw]

Firstly - on a point of information - I DON'T think all the boys are necessarily guilty of an offence.  There is a defence available to them, depending on their own age...

Sexual Offences Act 2003, Ch. 42, s. 9 (Eng.)

9 Sexual activity with a child

(1) A person aged 18 or over (A) commits an offence if--
(a) he intentionally touches another person (B),
(b) the touching is sexual, and
(c) either--
(i) B is under 16 and A does not reasonably believe that B is 16 or over, or
(ii) B is under 13.

I.e., If the boys themselves are under 18, and they THOUGHT the girls were over 16 (possible with the older girls maybe), then they have a defence.  However, for the 12 year old this is a SERIOUS offence....

[acw]

Secondly, my opinion!

I agree with almost everything that has been said actually!  I find it totally spineless when parents blame the schools for so much.  My opinion extends to blame about nutrition and health as well.  In fact, arguably about education.  This is not the EXCLUSIVE remit of the school.  My parents taught me to read before I even STARTED school - and I'm sure mine is not the only family where that happened. 

If the mum thought sex ed began too late, then she would have realised that with the first daughter (her eldest I mean) and could at least have sat with all 3 at that stage and just told them a few basics.  And she could have dispelled all the myths about "first time" "standing up" "bath afterwards" etc.  If she felt uncomfortable talking face to face then she should have got a book or a DVD to explain it all (an EDUCATIONAL one I mean!!!)

[butter1]

After watching the mother on GMTV this morning my opinion still hasn't changed.  I think she is very irresponsible and a stupid woman.  She hasn't set any examples to her children as she is just as bad.  Very bad parenting skills.  Who in their right mind would let their daughters b/f sleep in the same room at the age of 12.  Plus, why would a girl of 12 be thinking of having sex at that age....I was still into barbie dolls at that age!

[milly143]

I totally agree with everything that has been said. Just makes me even more grateful that I had good parents who knew how to raise children properly.

I don't know what would make a 12 year old think of sex either. I don't know what was on my mind at that age but it certainly wasn't sex!

[QmunkE]

My guess would be that even if there was sex education at the girl's school, they wouldn't have paid much attention to it, if they weren't off truanting anyhow. Also, how old was the mother when she had here children?

[mrs mofo]

Firstly I cannot believe the mother dares brandish her own stupidity on a national scale, doing nothing short of humiliating herself,

secondly I would like to know how much they're getting paid from the whole media furore, and i hope they're getting taxed on these sole earnings,

and lastly they should trying working for a living like the rest of us and when they see there huge income tax deduction feeding wasters like that family they may change there tune, (oh the bitterness)

[Bob A Job]

Yet another example of certain families being a drain on society. I grew up in a town full of them (Basildon) and the attitude of some girls there was

1) getting pregnant was a garenteed way of getting your own flat from the council.

2) getting pregnant again was effectively a pay rise in there efforts to drain the state. and a way of not having to get a job.

3) there offspring were treated like burdenous objects, that grew into pets that were then set free to ravage housing estates.

[FP]

I get so angry about this family that I can't even express what I feel!  Bad parenting, in my opinion, is wholly to blame in this case, as in most other similar stories.

[smudge]

I'll second your comments FP!

[roxyuk]

i think they think that having babies is cool but its not fair on the children and what really ****** me of is when thay say `i dont belive in abortions` people at that age are not mentally stable or financely. The only people i feel sorry for is the children for not being able to have what they need not just matrialicticly but love and support  

[Emily Ball]

When society at large and the Government in particular, through its various agencies, succeeded in removing the stigma of unmarried and teenage motherhood, then the outcome was always going to be increased promiscuity and the prevailing attitude that it is fine to indulge yourself sexually because the rest of society will  foot the bill for the result and no-one will think any the worse of you. I do feel sad that so many children of the present generation have such a short childhood, a time when they should be truly carefree.

[Lillabet]

In response to the last answer I think it is wrong to lump all unmarried mothers together and certainly wouldn't want to return to a time when to give birth outside of marriage was to make you an outcast and to emotionally scar your child.

A friend of mine recently gave birth. She is a University lecturer in her early 30s who has lived with her partner for 5 years. They are unmarried but in a highly committed relationship. I am sure her daughter will be well brought up and loved by both parents. A lack of a marriage certificate will not hinder this. Society will not have 'to foot the bill'

I would be more worried about a 16 year old who gets married and pregnant and proposes to live off the state.

Whilst I concede your point that there is a lot of pressure on girls and women to be sexually active I don't think it is about age or financial status as much as it is about attitude.

There are some extremely good single parents whose non married status may or may not be through choice - most single parent households are the result of divorce and the parents were usually married at the time of birth.

What counts most is the willingness to take your responsibilities as a parent seriously and provide emotionally, morally and if at all possibly financially for your child... In this case all of these seem to be lacking!

[kick3m0n]

totally agree with Lilabet and think that last answer was pretty offensive.  I had my baby boy 20mnths ago, having been with his dad for 16 years.  I've watched friends meet, marry have kids and divorce in the time we've been together, so your use of the phrase "unmarried" is a lazy generalisation and a bit dim really Emily. 

[Emily Ball]

You are quite right kick3m0n; the use of 'unmarried' in my post was a lazy generalisation. What I shouild have said was young, or under-age , or even not-so-young motherhood without being financially self-supporting or having the benefit of a financially supportive partner or family. Apologies to anyone who might have felt affronted by my answer.