Question for Noxlumous

[Loosehead]

Noxy, you have mentioned several times here that you have been to prison. Now we don't always agree but you come across as avery sensitive and understanding person, a fine debater and a general all round decent bloke. So I, and am sure others, was wondering about you experieneces inside and how it affected what you are now and of course what happenned for you to get there in the first place, abberation? perhaps, what would you do differently? Just ignore if you want to keep it private, I understand. AB ed, in news because I know he looks here.

[Loosehead]

Oh and If I don't respond for a while it's because I'm going out!

[Le Chat]

I have often wondered this myself Loosehead, especially as he has 10 children and does home schooling ... and still has time to go on the ab!!!

[bigmalc]

What a guy!

I'm fascinated now. A legend is being born!

Some say he can see into your soul and that he has eyes which can pierce steel with just a glance. Others say that the children were all conceived whilst the porridge was being done and must all, by implication, be the chosen ones!

Just kidding. I really would like to know.

[chimney]

An unwritten rule is that you don't ask an ex-con what their crime was. This is for three reasons

They want to put it behind them

They may not be proud of it

It's no-one elses business

You will only know if they decide to tell you.

I agree whole heartedly with your observations of Noxlumos, he is an intelligent and well educated individual

[noxlumos]

Hello, I don't really know how to answer this except to say that I went to prison for GBH and a few other things and that prison was the loneliest, most miserable, soul destroying place on earth. I cannot tell you what it did to me as a person, I have never been so full of rage and hate in my life and I was a sure candidate to reoffend. I could have quite happily killed the world when I was released.That's why I am very anti-prison for all but the most serious offenders.Prisons are not holiday camps, they are lonely hateful hell holes which turn quite average people into really nasty pieces of work, surely that's exactly what we don't want happening?It was not an abberation that I was in there, I routinely used violence, as I had grown up with violence and saw it as a useful tool, so I deserved to be there no question about it.Upon release my wife wanted a divorce and it ended up that basically she had all the money house etc in exchange for me having full custody of our children. I was using drugs and alcohol as a prop to make myself feel better and I realised that this was no example to my boys so I upped and left NI and went to london with the idea of a fresh start etc. This was made possible by the woman whose now my second wife. She let us stay with her and opened her home to us for as long as we needed and she helped me quit drugs and drinking to excess. I trusted her and she explained to me that I'd always feel like this, this hate and anger until I forgave myself for the things I'd done and forgave other people who had hurt and harmed me. I wasnt really having any of that for a long time bc I thought it was all cr4p and new age and laughable to be honest.
contd/

[anotheoldgit]

Surely this question should be posted, under the
' CELEBRITY GOSSIP' Topics?

[crete]

above comment uncalled for.

[noxlumos]

She finally convinced me to give it a go and I began a very long process of unravelling myself and understanding why I felt the way I did, had done the things I did and how I could mke as much of that better as possible.It works, if you put the effort in and can put up with feeling much worse before you feel better and I know had I married her frst I'd never have gone to prison as my issues mostly lay in my childhod and in the area I grew up in. I can now see my actions from a distance and undertand them but it feels like watching someone else as I think I've become who I should have been in the frst place now more or less.
I think I would never have been to prison had I not been physically abused as a child, had the situation in my area not have been so bloody random when growing up and had it not been so easy to find a sense of family and belonging with people who had their own agendas.
I think prison fails a lot of inmates bc the emphasis on people who are not genuinley evil, just maybe hard up or misguided or easily led is still on punishment and not focused enough on making them better more capable people for when they are released so they can contribute positively. We are actually creating career criminals by de-humanising nice normal people, which is a disaster.
I did academically ok and I'm financially successful, but I wouldn't have been if it hadn't been for my second wife, who dragged me back from the edge of being a total psycho and particularly with violent offenders I think they need someone who can support more positive choices when they leave prison, as tbh my first response to any aggro even now is to beat the hell out of someone, I have to actually think nah that's 100% innappropriate and stop myself.Without support some people will always re-offend, but it's true that almost everyone doens't WANT to be an offnder, we just have to manage them so they have the best chance of not being and locking people up endlessly is never

[bigmalc]

Your story is incredible, heartbreaking and uplifting. I'd guess that it's a reality for many young men in this day and age.

People are so quick to condemn and rarely stop to consider the implications of dehumanising someone like yourself. Noxlumous, you are living proof that some people are not beyond redemption and that all it takes, sometimes, is compassion, good will and a great deal of personal effort to conquer hatred and frustration.

Your strength of character and level-headed honesty are a lesson to us all.

[noxlumos]

Cheers Malc, it honestly was my wife more than myself responsible for any change, she's very subtle and persuasive and I think I've been routinely psychologically manipulated for the last ten years lol.
You were right about the porridge though....:)

[bigmalc]

Although I've nothing to compare with your experience, I know what it's like to be rescued by someone.
Before I met my wife I numbed myself with drugs and booze and had no direction whatsoever. I'd had a comfortable upbringing, I was never abused and I am as middle-class as they come, but I was a total waste of space. I squandered everything I had ended up in huge debt. My wife helped me believe in myself and now I feel like I have a future I can work towards.

I'm a big fella, but next to you I'm a pigmy.

[crete]

nox, id understand if you do not wish to answer the question, why would your ex wife allow you to have custody of your children when you have said you were abusing drugs and alcohol at the time ? and if prison is not working what is the alternative ?

[dyli795]

On behalf of every one else Nox, thanks for the response. I didn't read it all because I was never that interested in the first place. But let's all remember you can get all kinds of humanity in prisons! Even some individuals who are completely inocent. I think all the interest is a bit goulish. It's an everyday thing peeps! Get over it! and remember to say your prayers!

[bigmalc]

Is being interested in someone's story more ghoulish than having a debate a paedophilia or murder?

[noxlumos]

My ex wife and I did not have a happy marriage right from the start. In my opinion she is frigid, uncaring, dysfunctional and a thoroughly shallow, stupid woman.
I appreciate that I may be biased. lol, but I lost all respect for her when she openly called our son Danny a "retard" (he's deaf not retarded and he's a freelance photgrapher/journalist). She didn't like me, so in her own words "why should I like your children?" WTF???
I appreciate I wasn't a great husband, but I really would have been, or at least tried to be had she been a bit less absurd.
Anyway to cut to the chase of what you asked, I adored the kids, she couldn't stand them, I don't value money , it's ALL she values... so she used this to her advantage and screwed me over for everything. She basically said she'd give me full custody as long as I gave her everything financial, if I disagreed she'd go for full custody just to spite me. No contest in my book so she had it all. She wouldn't have cared if I had flayed them all alive to be honest. She never calls, writes, sends cards, presents and if they call her she just says "what do you want?" The fact I drank and took drugs was neither here nor there to her, it didn't matter to her agenda.

[noxlumos]

Prison is appropriate for serious violent crime, crimes against the very vulnerable, peadophilia, rape and murder.I dont think it's appropriate for people who can't pay fines, petty theft etc. There should be a sensible community punishment where everyone gains coupled with training, like maintianing local parkland and open spaces, municipal cleaning, community things like hair dressing in old people's homes, working for charities, anything that gives something back , trains people, gives the offender self respect, something that will be positive for all concerned.It obviously needs to be carefully monitored but at the moment we just have jails full of frightened people who maybe haven't done so well at school, have slipped up for another reason or who bc they might not cope well or organise well end up in jail. When they are released all that conviction does is make it even harder for them to acheieve, that's why I stick my money where my mouth is and try to employ ex offenders as much as possible and out of quite a few only two have seriously let me down.

[matt66]

Sorry to hear all this happen to you nox. Just out of curiosity you must be in your late 40s early 50s then.;As you say your son is a freelance photographer. Also were your problems rooted in the sectarian conflict?

[netibiza]

Well hats off to you nox it has turned into a success story. Good luck

[LazyGun]

Never mind the Rumble in the Jungle, how many of ye would pay good money to watch a bout between Mustfa "thundering good hiding"Tickl and Nox "smelly snivelling crybaby" Lumos?

As promoter, I get 10% of course :)