Spare the rod and spoil the child.

[anotheoldgit]

http://tinyurl.com/6jc46cp

Although technically wrong, don't others agree that this young man will take more notice of his Dad's actions than anything the police and the authorities would be prepared to punish him with?

[ummmm]

They are...I'm lucky. But we've had our moments and it had nothing to do with his upbringing...

I'm not bitter....honestly :-)

[Sqad]

I did think that the object if "chastising either physically or verbally" was to bring about a less violent generation of children.

We took the physical aspect out chastising and left the verbal component in to achieve the same result.

Clearly we have failed in my opinion.

[LoftyLottie]

Quite honestly cuffing anyone around the ear is not on.

I am not a great believer in smacking but it happens - I don't think it achieves anything. But a cuff around the ear is not smacking.

I don't call t hat moderate and reasonable chastisement Molly. It is assault.

[LoftyLottie]

Well I used the verbal method and it worked out. I regret the few occasions that I smacked. It was temper that made me smack. It did neither of us any good whatsoever and achieved zilch.

[Sqad]

lofty

<<<<<I regret the few occasions that I smacked. It was temper that made me smack.<<<

So probably does the father.

[andy-hughes]

Sqad - from personal experience, I doubt it!

Lottie - I have only smacked my children in temper - and that was rarely, and never hard - and i have regretted each incident. I used the power of my position as their dad to instill proper respect and behaviour, which largely worked - no child, or parent is ever perfect.

However, this father is probably following the example set by his father - my reaction was to do the exact opposite, because of how it made me feel when it was done to me.

[andy-hughes]

inclink - times move on - that's why we don;t put people in pillories, or send children up chimneys.

The problem is - it was wrong then, and it's wrong now.

[LoftyLottie]

I smacked - I didn't clip or cuff around the head or ear. I get so upset at parents that you see cuffing their kids round the head.

I can understand him feeling angry though. Perhaps arresting him was a bit to heavy handed. Perhaps a stern caution.

No, having said that if he had clipped anybody else around the ear in a police station he would have got arrested, so the same should apply in this case. He deserved it.

[Sqad]

andy

<<<<<<The problem is - it was wrong then, and it's wrong now.<<<<

No,....the problem is.......is it working?

[andy-hughes]

They do - but physical violence against a child by an adult is not the appropriate way to teach it.

In my view, a protracted and dispassionate legal process would have demonstrated that adult crimes carry adult punishments - whereas this child still sees his childish misdemeanours punished by has father's violent temper - which has clearly failed to teach him right from wrong.

[LoftyLottie]

My Mum used to smack me Andy enough to humiliate me and make me angry. She left red marks on my legs and I hated it. Personally I think it achieved nothing except me feeling angry and hating her - it certainly didn't make me see the error of my ways in any way. I vowed I would never hit any child of mine. I did on a few occasions (my son says he cannot ever remember me hitting him) and as I said, I regret those few occasions.

[askyourgran]

We were never chastised by smacking, usually my fathers stern look made us very sorry to have failed the family.

Perhaps the boy's father was ashamed and disgusted by his son's actions, and the fact that the Police were involved he felt unable to express himself any other way.

[andy-hughes]

Sqad - and the answer, quite clearly, is NO!

[Zeuhl]

Inclink

can you list the worthwhile things you learnt that if you had got them wrong would have resulted in a beating?

are you currently in a job where if you make a mistake your boss takes you outside and gives you a good kicking in front of your colleagues?

If not - why not?
.

[Sqad]

andy...OK then not using physical violence is not working............I assume that´s what you meant by your answer.

[LoftyLottie]

Anyway, I am very much with Andy on this issue. And our ways worked with our child. His father has never hit him!!

I have never hit any of our dogs either and they turned out alright!!

[Zeuhl]

If the gist of this thread is...

why do we have a lot of ill behaved, violent kids roaming around?

I suspect it isn't because their parents didn't hit them.
Quite the opposite in many cases.

It could well be because they have learned that the judicial system is ultimately impotent and ineffective.
.