Quickies...............

[Shaglene]

Having been granted bail, Oscar Pistorius will be electronically tagged to stop him fleeing the country.
Am I the only one to see a slight flaw with this plan?
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My wife and I only stayed together for the children. Neither one of us wanted custody of the little ***.
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I wasn't happy when a refugee moved in next door to me, but after a couple of days he came round with a gift for me.
"Oh my goodness, this is beautiful." I said, holding up the stunning patchwork blanket - thousands of tiny, misshapen pieces of different fabrics all perfectly hand-stitched together into a four foot square. "You have an amazing talent."
"Yes." He replied. "A skill I acquired through my occupation back home in Syria."
"Quiltmaking?"
"Rucksack repair."
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A Syrian man turns up at UK immigration.
"Welcome to the UK sir how was your trip?" The officer asked.
"It was terrible,we travelled across many waters. I lost two of my seven sons and nearly lost my wife too. If only we knew how to swim, we barely all survived " replied the Syrian.
"That's horrific sir, well your safe now. We have a house ready for you" exclaimed the officer.
"Thank you, thank you where is it?" Queried the Syrian.
"Cumbria"
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Daniel Sturridge reminds me of a tampon.
In for a week then out for month.
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B.B.C News: A petition to ban Donald Trump from the UK for his Anti Muslim statement has reached 200,000 .
It would of been more but they had to have a legal address to sign it
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Why don't sperm banks have a hole in the wall?