I Went To The Doctor And...

[Chipchopper]

She said, "what seems to be the problem ?"

I explained "I've broken my neck in two places".

She replied "well, stop going to those places"

[Spicerack]

Good advice. ;-)

[JimF]

"What seems to be the trouble?"

"Me head's hanging off."

[zabado]

Tommy Cooper told it better. :¬)

[Bazile]

Just place a splint on it

[Patsy33]

You could do with a break....

[aelmpvw]

patient: ''doctor, i keep thinking i'm a dog''
doctor: ''just hop up on the couch for a moment''
patient: ''i can't, 'i'm not allowed on the furniture''

[Patsy33]

Patient. "I keep thinking I'm a dog".
Doctor. "How long have you been feeling like this?
Patient. "Since I've been a puppy"

[jno]

"doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains"

"Pull yourself together."

[aelmpvw]

patient: Doc, I keep having these dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?
doctor: You need to relax. You’re two tents.

[marval]

I went to the doctors. He said 'I'd like you to lie on the couch'.
I said 'What for?'
He said 'I'd like to sweep the floor'

[Spicerack]

'Doctor, I think I'm a moth'
'You shouldn't be here. You should go to the Psychiatrists'
'I was on my way there, Doctor, when I noticed your light was on'

[marval]

A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

[JimF]

Patient: "Doctor, I can't stop wearing these see-through Y-fronts."

Doctor: "You're clinically insane. I'm going to section you."

[marval]

A man goes to doctor Sqad and tells him ‘doctor, my wife wants intense sex all day. She also will only wear silk undies, what should I do. Doctor Sqad says give her my phone number.

[Patsy33]

^^^^^
Lol!