They Keep Coming

[Rondy]

Got some laxatives from the local chemist,
I'm now one of their more regular customers.

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There is a website for women drivers, it keeps on crashing though.

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ME: "I saw this couple making love on the common."
MATE: "Clapham?"
ME: "No, they didn't need any encouragement from me."

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I just saw a leopard in Argos trying to exchange some saucepans but they told him a leopard couldn't change his pots.

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So the Movember moustache was finally shaved off at midnight last night
Thank goodness for that!
The wife was starting to look like Tom Selleck..

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Paddy says to the doctor: “Doc, I'm worried, I swallowed an ice cube 3 days ago and it ain’t come out yet.”

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Your vet won't tell you this, but if your dog is running a fever, get some mustard.
It's the best thing for a hot dog.

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I got sacked last night from the Salvation army's soup kitchen. All I said was "Hurry up, some of us have got homes to go to."

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I Can Take A Hint..
The wife keeps hinting she would like something in Silk for Christmas.
But no doubt this tin of emulsion will be in the wrong flipping colour.

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I said to the manager of Tescos “ I want to make a complaint, this vinegar has lumps in it “
He said “ Sir, they are Pickled Onions “

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At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole."Are you a pole vaulter?"
"No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

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Jesus went to the travel lodge and put some nails on the counter....he then asks the receptionist if they could put him up for the night.

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[Patsy33]

Some good ones there! 😆😅