They Keep Coming

[Rondy]

I asked my mate what part of the USA his wife was from.

He replied 'Alaska'...

Well - to be honest I thought he would know!



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Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says: "Bejesus, I've jus found a sandwich that looks like a bomb."

The operator aske: "Is it tickin?"

Paddy says: "No, I think it's beef."



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I've just flown home after a lucky escape.

I was climbing in the Himalayas and was Accosted by a Yeti, It Forced me to do a thousand Sit Ups and a thousand Stomach Crunches.

When I got back to Base and told our Sherpa, He Said, " Ah Yes, That'll be the Abdominal Snowman"



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Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.

"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".

Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet"



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I had such a red face when I realised I'd forgotten my wife's birthday.

Mind you, she did slap me pretty hard.



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First Irish Farmer: “My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it.”



Second Irish Farmer: “Did you shoot it in the hole?” First Irish Farmer: ” No, in the head.”



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Today I overheard my son talk back to my wife.

She told him to do something and he told her, "No."

So l had to pull him aside to talk to him and said,"Son, can you teach me how to do that?"



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A cosmetic surgeon's office is the only place where people don't get offended when you pick your nose.
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I arrived home last night to find a pretty young girl grouting the bathroom wall. She was singing: "It's a heartache, nothing bit a fools game."

I thought to myself she's a Bonnie tiler.
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