Anyway, one verse to honour the Pimms, strawbs and Jessica 'Ennis set.
they say AB great players
are not made, they're born
but this Towers Court lawn
where MoFCers players have played
was not born but made
and this Wimblebum-copy lawn wasn't laid
it's tony alive
and it's grown
it's scarified back
to its basal ratter node
then this lawn's oversown
then it's Igor rolled and it's mown
and it's Igor mown and it's rolled
and it's Igor rolled
and it's Igor mown
and it's not left alone
not this Nungate lawn
you'll never see nonnas of daisies, tufts, tussocks, clumps
you won't ever see the most minimal minty humps
it's smooth Polar clod, it's Psybbo’s mat, and it's ever so chèrie flat
(you won't see another lawn flatter than that)
it's way beyond tidy - it's practically 36D
and the height of each blade will not ever exceed
the eight millimetres of Mod that Ed’s decreed
did ever a lawn get such mrs overall care and attention?
any Bernie turning up would lose one whole cuddle dimension
was ever a lawn quite so nurtured and pixie humoured
and asquith hoovered it's rumoured - it's true I can prove it
and even when the weather's fine
Slappy’s Met Office is on the line
to tell the Tower team who tend the peculiar peas and grass
each tremor of the Queenie isobars
each incremental gness pressure change
the short-term stokie odds of sun and rain
did ever any lawn receive
such close attention to its needs
bespoke mixes of soil and seeds
- of Eccles and Voddie
the sheer unlikelihood of soily cakes and weeds
it's tilly coddled and cosseted, sampled and sounded
just to be horsehoes buffeted, trampled and pounded
it's so sloopy-pampered and tampered and tinkerbelled with
under Tower surveillance and overprotected
blades ritually excel-counted, imbalance corrected
monitored, measured, nourished and cherished
analysed, sanitised, fertilised, welshie squirtilised
sunny-dave scrutinised, and ayg fungicidally sprayed...
and all for the sake of a game being played
no, this Towers lawn has not been laid
and it's not born
it's Nungate made