Conned by member of family?

[astronaut]

Not sure which catagory I should have posted this, but here goes anyway. Have any ABers been conned by a member of their own family? If so what action did you take and is blood really thicker than water? At Xmas there were revelations that would make 'Dynasty' look tame and now all sorts of things are coming out of the woodwork and my sister is playing other members off against one another, especially my 85 year old mother who will not hear a word said against her. Meanwhile my sister continues to 'con' money out of her brothers and sisters with sob stories and has not even been to see her newly born grand-daughter (saying she couldn't afford the fare) yet still managed to find the money to have her fringe cut for �65. There's so much more horrible things I'm discovering about my 46 year old sister and her lies have even preventing me in seeing my nieces. Should I confront my sister or make amends with my nieces now I know some 'home-truths'?

[joko]

you need proof, taped conversations, documents whatever.

This could back fire - the family might think its just you causing trouble, she is obvious a skilled liar and deceiver and if she knows you are on to her, she may launch an offensive and you may end up ostracised

tread carefully but do something

I am having similar propbs with brother - no-one believes what he's up to except me and sis - because he more or less tells us and laughs! - but mum and dad won't hear a word against him - i am getting, deeds, land registry etc and intend to tape him soon.

family are often the worst for this - they take liberties and think you wouldn't get the law involved so they'll get away with it - or can talk their way out of anything.

[spudqueen]

Personally I'd avoid confrontation, it always makes a bad situation even worse. Just make amends with your nieces and have has little to do with your sister as possible. I had an uncle who was really bad news, he stole money intended for my Grandmother (his own mother!) and was generally obnoxious and not to be trusted. I used to see my cousins (his children) regularly and the one subject we never discussed was him! Some things are best left alone as even though he wasn't a nice bloke, and I'm sure his kids knew this, he was still their Dad and if I'd started dissing him they could have come to his defence just because yes, sometimes, blood is thicker than water. Didn't mean I had to have anything to do with him though.

[astronaut]

Thank you for answers. Firstly joko, I once did tape her when I discovered that she had got my ex-boyfriend to pay for a new washing machine and there were suspicions of HOW she managed that. I never contacted her for 2 years and she got up to all sorts, mainly manipulating other members of the family. They did indeed see ME as a trouble-maker and I wondered why they had cooled down relations. I'm getting more nervous as time gets on as I bought the house with another sister just before my dad died, but the deeds were never altered and I suspect that when my mom does eventually go, she will Will the house to my sister who sponges off the state and is perfectly able to get a job, but won't. You're right, if it was stranger, a solictor would be consulted almost immeadiately, but since she is someone I grew up with this would make ME the callous one.

Spudqueen, thank you too for you reply, I have been in contact with two of my nieces who I never saw for two years because of being decieved and and still in shock since they have now children of their own, and I feel awful that I've missed out on them growing up, I will just have to gather as may FACTS for as long as it takes. But time is running out and if the house is Willed to my sister I know that things are going to get expensive for a solicitors advice (she would probably get legal aid) and then get everything I worked hard for. So the old saying that keeping your enemies close to you is becoming a reality for me.

[jolibo]

Oh this is so typical of families...

My sister sucked up to my dad for years to get what she could - pleaded poverty, couldn't afford to buy the kids lunches, but has a huge house in the country, new car, lots in the bank !

I am one of four, but the only one witness to this, so I was the snitch and bad guy.

My partner's cousin is the same - the haircut example was a good one. No money ... but got a lovely new coif for over �100.

Sometimes inlaws are unbelievable, but Karma will fix it all eventually. Don't stoop to their level,

keep smiling!

[WendyS]

Remember the old saying. "God gave us our families so thank God for our friends". I think most families have a history of bad blood and personal feuds somewhere along the line. Unless it's absolutely necessary, it's probably best to try and maintain a distance from your sister and ringfence your relations with your nieces. If they ask about your lack of contact with their mother, just be vague and say that you don't have much in common any more and would rather keep your distance than cause family rows. They will probably take their mother's side anyway so you don't want to alienate them deliberately. If your other brothers and sisters are happy to be "conned" let them get on with it. One day the scales may fall off their eyes. If they don't, at least you won't be accused of being a trouble-maker.