ChatterBank21 mins ago
Peter Pan
6 Answers
I am hoisted on a Petard. I recently changed departments at work and my new seat has COMPRESSED GAS HEIGHT ADJUSTMENT. I fear that at any moment it will explode and blow me flying across Kensigton Gardens like Peter Pan. I have lost concentration, sleep and fear coming to work. How many of these things have in fact exploded? Has anyone survived?
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Gas%20Lifts
Hello, oh dear, you are a worrier. The petard is a mere metaphor for how deeply you worry about anything. Were you thrown from a knee you thought was safe when you were a child? A too boisterous game of "This is the way the ladies ride" perhaps?
Repeat three times a day, my chair is safe, my chair is safe, my chair is safe......
I very much sympathise with you, Anna. Precautions must be taken. To minimise disintegration, you must wera non-flammable corsets with high-strength steel bones. Sit with your back always inclined at 60 degrees towards an open window. Attached by a string to your wrist must always be a small umbrella to act as a braking chute should you be in danger of overshooting the Round Pond or Serpentine. Keep a �20 note in your bra to pay for a taxi back. Also keep some loose confetti in your shoes so that your colleagues know in which direction you have gone. To minimise the seat impaling your rear end, place a 1/4" steel plate about 2' square on the seat and on this an asbestos-substitute filled cushion about 4" thick to sit on. You may have a case for constructive dismissal at a Tribunal.