Why would anyone want to die at home?

[dave50]

This has been in the news lately, that people should have the right to die at home surrounded by their loved ones. Why would you want to put your family through that? So the room where you died will always bring back memories of your death whenever anyone walked into it. I think it is a really selfish request. When my time comes, if possible I will make sure I am in a hospice or some such place where I can die without putting my family through the trauma of having a dead body lying in one of the bedrooms.

[Zacs-Master]

Ratter: I have been around many people when they have died due to my work. Cromer, what are you; an incompetent surgeon or an assassin? ;-)

[rowanwitch]

Easier when you work in an ITU so many more indicators that death is imminent and staffing levels mean someone can stay by the bedside pretty much all the time, most of the wards I have worked on would prioritise a dying patient with no family to try to allocate at least an auxillary or sensible student nurse to be with them

[RATTER15]

Zacs-Master: >>what are you; an incompetent surgeon or an assassin?<<

I work with severe dementia sufferers, these people are usually very elderly and poorly when they come to us.

[Zacs-Master]

Ratter, you just made it sound like you were personally responsible for their deaths.

[RATTER15]

Rowan, I wish we could have a member of staff like that but we are often running short staffed as it is and we are often pushed time wise to do the work scheduled, it is wrong I know, we do keep a very close eye on these people with checks every 15 minutes, sometimes we can call family to be at the bedside but often their families just dont want to know.

It can be a cruel world sometimes.

[smart1]

I think the other way dave. If my dying wish is to die in MY home, I should be allowed to do so. If it is upsetting for the family afterwards, that's unfortunate. And if the family are going around say 'if she dies here, we're gonna get upset about this room after she's gone' then that is selfish.

[ummmm]

I feel really sorry for people without caring families. When Dad was in the hospice the bloke in the bed next to him didn't have any visitors :-(

[rowanwitch]

We can only do the best we can with the resources we have...and at the point of death we are all really alone..no one can make that bit of the journey with you.

[grasscarp]

I would like to die peacefully in my sleep like my father, and not crying and screaming like his passengers.
(sorry)

[naomi24]

Smart, //If it is upsetting for the family afterwards, that's unfortunate.//

But isn't not caring how those you leave behind feel even more selfish? I'd want to leave my loved ones with as little trauma as possible. It'll make no difference to me - I'll be dead - but they have to live on and cope with their memories.

[rowanwitch]

All I hope; if I have the faculty to review my life, I can say my good deeds outweigh my bad and I leave everthing arranged so as not to be a bother

[RATTER15]

ummmm the majority of elderly where I work seldom get visitors, the ones with severe dementia get even fewer visitors, they often have family members within the same village.

Then you get the family members who will say "that's not my mother or Father any more" that attitude is so selfish, these unfortunate sufferers of dementia will still yearn to see their family members, they don't all forget who they are, sometimes they just recognise a familiar loving face but that still means the world to them.

[RATTER15]

^^^ ok im starting to rant!! time to step away from the keyboard!!

[Sqad]

I didnt realise that dying was so complicated......as judged by some of the posts on this thread.

I woke up in a good mood, but i am now depressed.....thanks folks. ;-)

[rowanwitch]

Dying got complicated when someone invented the care plan..

[ummmm]

I know Ratter....I read the visitors book!! 90% of it is my family....

I really don't understand, dementia or not, how people can detach!

You don't have to stay long....just pop in to say hello. Just so they know you care. I pop in and see gramps whenever I go to the supermarket...just give him a kiss and a quick hug.

[gness]

If I could turn back time my lovely husband would die at home as we had planned when the time was near. Instead, he died in a filthy, noisy hospital room with the most uncaring, cruel staff I had experienced in eleven years of caring for him. Maybe it`s the Irish in me but a good death is important.

[rowanwitch]

And sadly if family pop in all the time it keeps staff in the less than perfect homes/hospital wards on their toes

[TheOtherHalf]

My OH visits his mum in a home everyday without faily. I see her about 2-3 per week. We get on really well with the staff and have a great laugh with them sometimes. I think it does help, rowan, and it does keep them on their toes to know that we may be `watching them` so to speak, wheras if no one came to visit, they could be doing anything and you wouldnt know

[anneasquith]

because the alternative of dying in an NHS HOSPITAL is awful !