Why would anyone want to die at home?

[dave50]

This has been in the news lately, that people should have the right to die at home surrounded by their loved ones. Why would you want to put your family through that? So the room where you died will always bring back memories of your death whenever anyone walked into it. I think it is a really selfish request. When my time comes, if possible I will make sure I am in a hospice or some such place where I can die without putting my family through the trauma of having a dead body lying in one of the bedrooms.

[emmie]

because some might find comfort with familiar surroundings, hospitals can be sterile places to pass your last hours. I would rather my o/h had passed away at home than in the wretched hospital where he did. Or perhaps as you say a hospice. Family will go through the trauma no matter where the loved one passes away.

[murraymints]

My fil died at home where he wanted...very peacefully in his sleep after a terrible few years with Alzheimers...it was a comfort to him being at home and to me as his carer to see him at peace and not in distress surrounded by strangers...

[emmie]

murraym exactly my thoughts.

[ummmm]

You think it's not traumatic dying in a hospice??? I sat with my Dads dead body for 4 hours in a hospice before the undertakers came. At least at home I could have made a coffee/had a fag/weep.

[emmie]

we sat with my o/h in a private hospital and had had no warning of his impending passing. Doctor did not say nor the nursing staff, and 30 minutes afterwards we were told to get in the undertakers, if you think that wasn't traumatic then don't know what is. Uncaring, unfeeling and i wouldn't subject anyone to that.

[ummmm]

I slept at the hospice every night, in a chair....

I left my Dad to go home for a quick shower and change. He died when I'd gone. I beat myself up about that. 4 years on, I still beat myself up about that. That wouldn't have happened if he'd been at home.

[pillj123]

I work for a 97 year old...his wife died in December,aged 86.Both were devoted to each other.It was their greatest wish to die at home.She did.Instead of withering away,the husband has ,with the help of his nearby relatives,adjusted remarkabley well.Maybe at that fine old age ,it is easier to accept that dying is inevitable.Her bedroom had been cleared and rearranged,and it no longer reminds me of sadness of her loss.
My own husband had no choice but to die in a hospice,all he wanted was to go home...but it was too late.
We need to adjust to the normality of death...and learn a lot from other cultures which embrace it as more ''acceptable''.Then maybe we wouldn't consider it a selfish wish to die at home.

[murraymints]

think the home vote has it !!!!

[grasscarp]

I have witnessed a friend close to death in a hospital. Life carried on around him and he was paid little attention. One of the other patients told me he had a fall the previous night when he rang the bell to go to the toilet but nobody came, so he got out of bed. The nurses were all talking and laughing in the nurses station. Home would be a better option if there are people always there to minister to you. IMHO

[emmie]

grasscarp, same here, no staff around at all, and when it was near the end, we had to get the only one on duty for help, a junior doctor, appalling..

[starone]

I have to say that my experience of my husband dieing in hospital was completely different from the other posters. The nurses were caring and I stayed by his bed every day all day. They supplied me with a reclining chair which I could sleep in if necessary. I could not stay at night because it was a men's ward but when the last day came and I had just reached home when the phone rang to call me back to be by his side when he passed away. I could not have cared for him as they did. The hospital paid for a taxi to take me home afterwards. As for crying I could not stop.

[rowanwitch]

Ummm I have known so many cases where a person seems to wait until the person/people they care about seems to wait until they are away from the bedside. I think its their subconcious making one last gesture sparing you the moment of their dying and I have also seen patients ask relatives to leave for a few minutes sort of go get a cup of tea I will be ok.. almost as soon as they are alone (except for the nurses) they slip away.

[ummmm]

That's what the nurses told me. Doesn't really sink in when you have a broken heart.

[naomi24]

I've sat with the dying in hospices and hospitals, and the staff couldn't have been kinder to me, or to their patients. Whilst it's a comforting idea to die at home, it isn't always the best thing for those left behind. My mother suffered nightmares for years after my father died in their bed at home. She never could rid herself of the memory.

[daffy654]

I want to die in hospital or a hospice, I do not want to put my family through having to watch me die as it likely will be distressing to watch because of my illness. I hope I slip away when none of them are around.

[woofgang]

There is no trauma in my experience of having the body in the house. The painful memories don't depend on the room or location. It was a solemn day and not a happy one but easier and more peaceful than dying in a public building.

[TheOtherHalf]

I have known that too rowan. FIL did exactly that. My sisters husband died at home recently after a long illness and she said it was terrible. Our family are unfortunately in disagreement at the moment as our mum is due out of hospital this week. I think they just want to get her out, but my brother who still lives at home wants her to return home but most of the family would prefer her to be looked after in a nursing home to the end of her days now. She is 90 and very poorly. We think he is just being selfish wanting her there as she always has been.
At this present moment, I dont think I would want to die at home and give my family the pain of seeing me, possibly taking my last breath. Its a very difficult decision

[ummmm]

The staff in my Dads hospice were wonderful. Not just to him, to all of us....

[rowanwitch]

Ummm let it sink in now...As I see it its a last act of love... and it will help to finally accept it as such...

Best example was my late lovely MIL she asked the family to leave so she could use a bedpan... they left she died... she couldn't use a bedpan she had bags for both types of waste..they fell for it When I found out (I was back at the house with a couple of elderly rels) I laughed it was so like her to take control and trick them to do it... nice one June

[ummmm]

But they see your last breaths where ever you are. The death rattle doesn't care about your location...