Divorce

[emmie]

The daily mail newspaper has been running articles citing the high divorce rate in Britain, and the fallout if you like, particularly where children are concerned. Do you think that the laws should be tightened, and mediators, counsellors should be involved when couples are planning to divorce. The suggestion from the law lords is that the laws are too lax, lenient towards couples wanting to divorce. Would you agree, or have an opinion either way.

[emmie]

my parents divorced, thank heavens, and it didn't come a minute too soon.

[craft1948]

My parents divorced under the new laws in about 1971, they had been separated since 1961. If the new no fault law hadn't come in my father would never have got a divorce, as he had no grounds, and my mother would never have divorced him out of bitterness.

[emmie]

craft so were you happy, sad, glad they split, did it affect you. I find that some of what has been written in these articles annoying, implying that divorce is so easy that it's not a problem, whereas i reckon those who do divorce have good reasons, and it's a hard decision. And that children aren't always better off with a warring mum and dad.

[hc4361]

I think it is too easy to marry! Some people manage it 6 times or more in their lifetime.

Nobody should be forced to stay in an abusive or violent marriage but all couples have rough times. They should try and work through it before rushing for divorce.

[FredPuli43]

Yes,counsellor and mediators should be; it would save some marriages, but it's doubtful how many.
The present law on the divorce itself is good; perfect when compared with what went before.

[craft1948]

em I was very sad for my mother when they split as my father was the love of her life. They married when she was 19 and she never looked at another man. From my perspective I couldn't stand my father, he was a horrible man, but his leaving certainly caused us immense financial hardship (my brother was only 3 at the time)

[Joanne130]

I think divorce is sometimes seen as an easy option, yes i'm all for mediation for married couples to talk over their issues, afterall if they married the presumably at some point they had strong feelings for each other, if nothing else it could help give them closure

[tamborine]

Leave the laws as they stand. If a couple rue their divorce they can always marry each other again....and again....and so on

[ChocolatChip]

I think it depends on the ground of the divorce, I think if it is an abusive relationship or adultery has taken place, then I think these are good grounds for divorce.
But I think in other cases, there should be procedures for counsellors (and I guess in some cases sex therapists) should be provided and divorce should only be consider once a therapy programme has been completed.
I think both marriage and divorce is too easy to get into, and neither should be taken lightly.

[emmie]

One law lord described people getting married today as being like OK Magazine, in other words peoples expectations are too high in the first place. And that working harder at it might mean not quite so many heading for bitterness and divorce. Had it been harder for my parents to split, which was bad enough, could have meant her having to put up with him for a lot longer. She got nothing out of it either, but then she was well shot.
Craft like you, my old man was horrible, hence my previous comments.

[karenmac60]

Why should people be forced to either discuss their problems with a bunch of strangers or stay with someone they can no longer stand? If 2 people decide they no longer want to be married then that is their business. Obviously it is harder if there are children involved - but most parents don't take it lightly and in many cases it is far better for the children to not be living in a warzone.

[ChocolatChip]

But I think in some cases if things go a bit off the boil or starts to turn a little sour then people do nothing about it, let it get worse instead of trying to work their way through things. Eventually becoming resentment followed by divorce.
If couples counselling was more popular and common, I truly believe this would help.

[ChocolatChip]

I don't know if I made that clear, but I think couples counselling should be made more readily available from the start of the problems, this is what I think would help marriages.

[Prudie]

Absolutely agree with Karen. At least one half of the couple is usually mind made up anyway, couples who aren't sure already have the option for counselling without the indignity of having to bare all with a stranger if they don't want to..

[emmie]

I agree, however they are also talking about the fallout where children end up in one parent families. Often no contact with the father if it was acrimonious. Then there have been recent cases of much older people getting divorced, say after 30, 40 years of marriage, getting a second wind and dumping their wife/husband. And if that is also acrimonious then it's the adult children picking up the tab, where you end up mediating, not wanting to take sides. and then also maybe looking after one parent because they haven't been left with anything. It's a minefield, and perhaps for some mediation, counselling is a good thing. In cases on violence on either side, then it would be better to leave.

[karenmac60]

That's fine if both parties want mediation - but if they don't and are forced into it? Surely that is only going to cause more resentment and bitterness.

[emmie]

that was my point, many obviously don't want it, and for these law lords to suggest that people get divorced at the drop of a hat seems rather harsh.

[Brinjal]

If people have the free will to marry then same goes for divorce. It is a marriage after all not a life sentence. Even murderers get released eventually. There is a tendency to marry too young and we do developed as years go by hopefully. But we don't always go in the same direction shy stay withsoeoneyiu no longer has anythingincommonwith. Samehappensinlngterm partnerships and it is equally traumatic for the couples involvedbutthats life I afraid.