Unable To Drink At Social Occasions

[joko]

I have noticed over the last few weeks - and obviously heard it in the past too, that some people have not turned up for someones important do, and stated that they 'cant drink', as the reason - whether it be due to pregnancy, medication, special diet, have to drive etc.

but how would you feel if your cousin or friend etc, that you really wanted to come, wouldn't come your wedding for this reason?

to me you are going to celebrate a friends special day - not drink - and that shouldn't be the focus of the evening and your reason for going.
i realise you may not have as good a time, but that's not the point.

i have a hen night and wedding coming up and number of people have pulled out, saying this... and i just think i'd be pretty peeved at them

its a terrible 'excuse'.

what do you think?

cheers

[bookbinder]

You're right, it is a poor excuse. A good host will always provide non-alcoholic alternatives.

[sandyRoe]

Some people may be fighting a battle to stay sober. One way to try to do that is to avoid temptation. It's not something they'd want the world to know.

[chaptazbru]

I'm preggers and can't drink, but it wouldn't stop me going to a 'do' if it involved someone I cared about, definitely not ....

[China Doll]

I think it's fairly ridiculous myself but some people don't like being around a load of drunk/tipsy people if they can't drink themselves. Although that said, if I was out with a group of people and wasn't drinking for whatever reason, and they all got very very drunk then I would probably leave earlier as I do think I'd probably find that a bit tedious after a while.

[andy-hughes]

It moves hand in hand with the cultural perception that alcohol consumption is madatory if people are to enjoy themselves.

Sadly, we encourage the shyness and insecurity of adolescence, when some numbking alcohol takes the edge of insecurity and paranoia, and carry it on into adulthood, where only by drinking is a person able to relax and have a good time.

It reaches a stage where - as you have discovered - if there is a chance of that crutch being removed, some people would seriously rather not attend an event at all than attend it without alcohol.

That cultural perception is the reason why we have a drinking culture - and why the notion of a 'cafe society' was always doomed to fail.

the British don't drink because they enjoy the taste of nice wine or good beer, they drink because they need the anaesthetic effects of alcohol to a greater or lesser degree.

When we can educate a generation of childen that alcohol poisoning is not a good barometer of a pleasureable evening, we will be on the way to phasing out the mass of crime, damage and misery caused by this insidious drug.

[jake-the-peg]

I would suspect that they might be wrestling with an alcohol problem.

Having given up drinking 12 years ago I know how difficult it can be at first and I might suspect that they don't trust themselves around a lot of people drinking.

But then again you know this person and I dont

[andy-hughes]

Cina Doll - you are quite right.

As someone who has never enjoyed the taste or effect of alcohol, I have spent large chuncks of my adult social life in the company of drunken people, and it is massively tedious.

I don't feel 'left out' as a sober drinker would, i just think its a shame that decent conversation ebbs away as the night progresses, followed by degrees of rubbish and / or bad behaviour.

[nungate]

I'd be more than a little peeved if someone didn't come to a shindig I was giving because they couldn't drink. If they have problems with alcohol I might forgive them but having never been much of a drinker I've never excused myself from any invitations because I don't want to or couldn't drink, alcohol is something I can take or leave (like chocolate) and have never felt that my not having a drink has ever stood in the way of me having a good time!

[andy-hughes]

jake and sandy - the people you suggest are a seriously small minority compared with the avgerage drinker who lacks the social skills and security of an adult personality and needs the refuge of pseudo-confidence provided by alcohol.

[Prudie]

If the reason given is genuinely that they don't want to go to a social event unless they could drink alcohol then I'd agree it's a pretty shabby excuse. There may be the possibility however that it's an easier reason to give than admitting to social anxiety. I have this a bit and I can barely think of anything more stressful than a hen night or wedding where you're expected to have fun and stay to the bitter end.

[MadMen]

I'd think it was a bit bad to use this excuse for a wedding, but I completely get why someone would use it for a hen night...

[China Doll]

And you sir are quite wrong Mr Hughes! Some of us Brits do drink because we like the taste of a nice wine! ;oP

I think you have touched on something interesting though, I don't like all the drinking of shots and stuff like that, mainly because the only alcohol I do drink is actually what I enjoy (wine mainly). I can sit and have a meal or a non-alcholic drink in a group and enjoy myself, but if the shots come out then I'd definitely be off as that's just drinking to get drunk and i don't really like being that sort of thing anyway. (Not that I never get drunk or tipsy, it's just not deliberate!)

[joko]

i think leaving early is fine, if you're ill or pregnant etc, and the fact that you showed up is enough

if someone is a proper recovering alcoholic id understand more, especially if they only just beginning recovery - but if its been a while then surely they can manage to control themselves drink a few soft drinks...?

i think when its an important event, you should make the effort to attend at least for a bit.

you're right chris, socialising on a night out has become centered around drinking.
sad really.

[MadMen]

What are their specific reasons, Joko?

[andy-hughes]

Some of us Brits do drink because we like the taste of a nice wine! ;oP

Indeed China Doll, and some people enjoy a shot of heroin as well - and are able to enjoy it safely. But the fact remains that as with drinkers, they are a minority, compared with most people who need alcohol to 'relax' and feel comfortable in social situations.

[China Doll]

Hmmmm.... Not sure I agree with you on this Andy. The people I know and socialise with do not drink in order to feel relaxed in a social situation (granted two of them are french and not british). It is my personal experience that people who need to drink in order to relax in to a social situation are a) not as many as you'd think and b) make very bad drunks! To me both our opinions on this are subjective though.

[ummmm]

I don't know many people who 'need' alcohol to relax.

[rockyracoon]

I prefer to be having a drink when I'm surrounded by people who are drinking but I wouldn't not go somewhere because I couldn't. Sobriety for me has only occured because I've been pregnant or on antibiotics, these occasions are easier to reconcile a you can't drink, end of. On couple of occassions I've had to do the driving as cab fares have been too expensive, this I don't like as you can't slip off early, and the OH will start aggravating me, but I'll do it if I have to.

[2sp_]

I am unable to drink because I turn into a bum hole (a well documented fact), but I don't use that as an excuse not to go to a social occasion.

[nannybooby]

ok to the hen night ,but the wedding no they should go its a poor excuse but then when wedding invites say no children I think thats wierd too.