What Happens To Facebook After You Die?

[AB Editor]

Dear All,

This question was sprung into my mind from this: http://www.theanswerb...s/Question994133.html

What happens to a Facebook account when you become an ex-facebooker? Can you transfer your farmville livestock out to your family & friends? Could you make notice in your will that Auntie Dorine should not be in receipt of any farmville land because of what she once said about our Shirley at Dianne & Tom's wedding?

And, more seriously, what about for those people who want to keep the account open as a monument to that person? It is certainly better than roadside flowers - but still creepy.

Any spurious information or cold-hard speculation is welcome.

Spare Ed

[ummmm]

Just looked at her wall....some of it is really sad.

[zzxxee]

i know what you mean pinki and like i have said,
i would never judge anyone how they deal with grief how we deal with it, is an individual thing,
People should not be judged how they deal with it, the important thing is people get through it , be it in a private or public way.
Who cares as long as you cope and find peace in the end ?

[NOX]

I wasn't referring to facebook specifically Ed, more to the fact that in other cultures open displays of grief are considered normal- people tear their clothes, scream, wail etc and some have a far more rigid sysytem of ceremony than we have which keeps participents busy- here that's really not seen so there is no outlet for people's boiling emotions- so I think perhaps that's why the facebook thing has caught on so virulently in the west- it gives us all an outlet to say and do things we never could before.

[zzxxee]

daft comment ed what about people leaving condolence messages for people in columns in papers.
If i found a ballopn " dear nanny i hope everything is ok in heaven and just to let you know i think of you and love you " xxx what else can you think but " bless that child ???

[zzxxee]

*balloon

[LoftyLottie]

I think that it is best not to bottle up grief and let it show rather than hold it in, but I certainly don't want to show my grief to the rest of the world and show it in newspaper 'In Memorium' colomns, facebook etc. I am also not interested in reading other peoples' messages of grief. I hate public outpourings of grief - such as the fiasco that was Diana's funeral. It is all so false in my opinion.

Grief is a very personal thing though and I accept we are all not alike.

I constantly think of my dead parents and admit to having a quiet word with their photos, but I can't imagine putting it on a website!!

[AB Editor]

"It's things like 'Hey Mum...thought I'd let you know I passed my driving test'"

I agree with Pinkilady - it is upsetting. However, I think that is fine.

One problem: the natural course of grief is one where there is a lot of focus on the death and those around the deceased. Eventually life picks up again and the world becomes busy, even for those close to the deceased. Eventually there will when no one has posted for a while. First I think a to-the-second count of how long a memory of someone has been ignored is very upsetting. Second: Might some feel compelled to write on a wall to keep up appearances.

Also, please be aware that I am not trying to upset anyone, just trying to negotiate this quite sensitive topic.

Spare Ed

[ummmm]

I scrolled down to the earlier ones....they were upsetting.

People are still writing on her wall....It's not so emotional now. More remembering the good times. Looking at the friends list I think they had a bit of a cull after she died.

[AB Editor]

//I constantly think of my dead parents and admit to having a quiet word with their photos.//

I can say I have the echoes of voices of those who have died in my head, sometimes I think this is enough - they can offer guidance in this way.

Zzxxee. My last post was written without seeing your most recent ones. I think leaving messages in papers is a little pointless too - other than to alert of funerals etc.

Also: ///People should not be judged how they deal with it, the important thing is people get through it , be it in a private or public way. /// Not trying to judge, just want to talk about it really.

NOX - Any examples though? I'm still having trouble thinking of a particular cultural example?

Spare

[AB Editor]

//I think they had a bit of a cull after she died.//
A bit revisionist that! It'd be like crossing out a page you don't like in someone's diary!

[LoftyLottie]

The one reason I have for not having a memorial stone or anything tangible for my parents is that when I have gone it will mean nothing to anyone else. I still have my mothers Ashes in her room in my house and that is where they will stay until I go!!
Why anybody puts anything in newspapers in the In Memoriam columms beats me!! Why do people wan't to display the personal feelings to others. The person they are grieving for won't need to read it in a newspaper. I can understand the death announcements though for obvious reasons.

[LoftyLottie]

" can say I have the echoes of voices of those who have died in my head, sometimes I think this is enough - they can offer guidance in this way."

Absolutely agree, but the photos give me a focus. My Mum's picture is my computer wallpaper and she smiles at me when I start the computer up!! It makes me smile!!

[Dris]

Does it occur to anyone on this thread that what you may think unacceptable and cant understand is the very thing that see's another through their bleakest moments and makes sense to them?

My GP at 'the time' said exactly what NOX has-we are too restrained in grief for our own sakes.In the Middle East for example there is vast outpourings of grief at burials.Far rather that than have to be heavily sedated in order to maintain 'dignity' so others dont feel uncomfortable and you dont let the side down.

[ummmm]

People gather friends on FB...Looks like it's now family and close friends. I'm probably only on it because of my surname. So they are talking about memories amongst themselves....which is ok imo..

[ummmm]

Also - times whizzes by. It was my Dads anniversary on Monday....it still feels like no time at all. When he died I had this irrational fear that people would forget him. FB keeps them in peoples memories..which is nice for the family...I think anyway.

I'm lucky...the pub my Dad drank in (probably the only 'real' Irish pub left in town) have a golf tournament in his name every year.....and a picture of him and my Uncle on the wall...

[AB Editor]

///Does it occur to anyone on this thread that what you may think unacceptable and cant understand is the very thing that see's another through their bleakest moments and makes sense to them?///

Yes, we said we recognised this earlier Dris, don't be so patronising.

Thanks for the example of outward grief though. I'm not sure what to think of it really though? Do you think there is an element of "performance" in it - in the same way we might visit a body in the chapel?

Also, I don't think anyone has addressed the issue of the Facebook cows properly. Do Facebook have a policy of deleting dead users or not?

Spare Ed

[ummmm]

They don't seem to have a policy...

I suppose it's best to leave the cows to die with them....