I Need To Toughen Up But How?

[GymLadTim]

I was involved in an incident last weekend that has shaken me to my core and made me realise I need to grow a thicker skin but how – I care about people but fall apart when dealing with any conflict or verbal aggression?

I was walking in my hometown of Hanley last Saturday on one of the busiest shopping streets. I was horrified to see a man openly emptying his colostomy bag into a public drain – (one of the ones at the edge of a road). I thought don’t judge him Tim it may be a medical emergency. I went over to the man and asked if I could offer any support (very calmly and politely). I won’t repeat his reply but it was not pleasant. I explained (still calm and polite) and possibly illegal. The gentleman was very abusive calling me names that I won’t repeat. He then began to follow me shouting abuse and I ran away.

I went to my mom’s and explained what had happened. I then just burst into tears in my moms arms and I have been emotional about it since. A few weeks ago I was involved in a very similar incident in KFC. I heard a mom telling her son that he was her second favourite behind his brother. I said something and the whole thing escalated. My mom says I should that if there was not a good reason why he was doing this it was inappropriate, unacceptable mind my own business and my friend Kelly says I need to toughen up.

I’m 21 years old and soft like marshmallow inside but have a good heart. Has anyone else had to toughen up and how did you do it?

[spathiphyllum]

Or do you think i would get sympathy? "Poor chap was obviously caught short it's not his fault"...

[ummmm]

//i would be arrested even if i was not exposing myself.//

As a fit healthy man why on earth would you be peeing down a drain? There are exceptions to the rule but most people can get to somewhere more private.

[spathiphyllum]

Caught short. It happens to the best of us. IBS? Need to squat over a story drain in the road.

[spathiphyllum]

Someone who may look fit and healthy isn't always.

[ummmm]

I didn't say they were!!

[spathiphyllum]

If i was the OP.. i would have live and let live. I wouldn't have wanted to approach the situation. However, the OP has put this for discussion, and ask'd how he can toughen up. Unfortunately the focus is Tims action by talking to this man.

I think tim had every right, in the public highstreet, to say what he did. The reaction, in my opinion, tells me the man was not a pleasant man to begin with.

If it was I in that horrid situation, caught so short that you're defecating into highstreet storm drains, when approached by a member of the public i would be more than apologetic and embarrassed, and trying to explain myself, not arrogant, rude and aggressive.

Tim - how to toughen up.. Have confidence in yourself buddy. Trust your thoughts and feelings and act on them when needed. Fight or flight, sometimes flight is a better option than fight.

[GymLadTim]

Thanks for all of your answers good or bad. I find it surprising that a person can ask for help with being sensitive and then be subjected to such a torrent of abuse - that's the internet I suppose. There has been a lot of discussion about the drain incident despite it not really being the main question, so let me clarify a few points.

The gentleman was emptying faeces from his bag not urine. He did not appear to be embarrassed about what he was doing and was almost certainly intoxicated. I approached him not only because I felt this behaviour was unacceptable but also because I was worried about him - he was balancing on a kerb on a main road and could have fallen and been hit by a moving vehicle. Following the altercation he followed me for around half a mile shouting foul abuse. People were stopping and staring - I then ran away. This was the worst part of my ordeal.

[spathiphyllum]

You certainly should have included the information regarding the inebriated state of the man.

[nailit]

GLT,
Im also from Hanley ;-)
Have to say that Ive never come across anything like you describe re: colostomy bag but if I had of done I would have walked on bye, especially if the guy was inebriated. Theres enough CCTV cameras around Hanley to pick it up on and make the relevant authorities aware of the situation (Ive actually been into the CCTV room where its all monitored from and there is virtually not a street that is not covered)
I would never interfere with stuff like this unless I saw a woman or child been abused.
You're young. You'll learn.
And you're going to need a thick skin if you're planning on hanging hang around this site!
;-)

[nailit]

//I find it surprising that a person can ask for help with being sensitive and then be subjected to such a torrent of abuse - that's the internet I suppose//
Nah, just another day on Answerbank. It'll grow on you as time goes by!

[GymLadTim]

Hi Nailit - I'm born and bred in Hanley and live 5 minutes walk from the centre. A few years back I used to walk through Hanley around 7 in the morning and there was a pub called The Burton Stores, my mates called it the pen. Even at 7 in the morning they would have music blasting, people dancing and falling out the door bladdered. LOL

[nailit]

GLT, many years ago I used to go into the Pig Pen to get my cheese and bacon (you'll know what I mean,) Have to pay regular prices bow its shut lol.