Sex On A First Date?

[Scarlett]

Is it an old fashioned view that it's not a good idea to have sex on a first date? What is your view on this. I wonder whether girls who do this either are desperate to secure a man/husband and think that's the way to do it, or they have low self esteem and having sex makes them feel special and wanted. If they just do it because they like sex, does this spoil the chances of the relationship being anything other than just sex? In days of old, you were supposed to wait until you were married (according to the church and therefore society) so that men would commit and take sex seriously. I wonder how much has really changed these days? Do you have any first hand experience of this?

[pizza]

Squad never been in the S/A but can shake a mean tambourine and Kramer why does a good **** have to be spoilt by the talk of marriage ? yuk lol

[cupid04]

You could always get one of those dolls, then!

[pastafreak]

this notion that sex is something that is 'done' to women and they just endure it for men is ridiculous
wherever did men get this idea that sex was 'theirs'?
that we are there to be hunted and won etc?


Actually....up until as late as the second world war,that was the prevailing attitude. Until Victorian times,women were property...owned by their husbands to do with as they wanted. Laws started to look at women as individuals in about the 1850's...but the acceptance that women could and did like sex did not become apparent until over 100 years later.
So all our attitudes-both male and female - are quite deeply ingrained.

[jomifl]

joko, I stand corrected... so women are piss heads who stink of tobacco and fall int bed with almost any one,.. damn where did I go wrong?

[FredPuli43]

No jomifl, women can fee randy rather more than romantic just as men can, but randy is not quite the right word. Such a woman exercises choice but the man has to be the right man at the right time and in the right place. Men really don't care; we are driven by a primitive instinct to spread our own genes. Women have long been free of the fear of pregnancy and can enjoy themselves, if the mood takes them, with a little entertainment.

Being a drunk isn't in the equation. She may be completely sober.

[boxtops]

Personally - I think it's cheapening for a young woman to "give out" too soon, she runs the risk of being labelled as easy and not taken seriously.

Disagree entirely with the OP, it's nothing to do with desperation or needing a partner - it's because humans like sex.

[joeluke]

Sex On A First Date?

Don't see any problem with that if both people want it

Women need to be careful they don't scare a guy off by being too 'I don't want to seem too keen/I'll make him wait'

[boxtops]

Couldn't disagree more, JL - that's what the OP is saying, if the girl doesn't do it, she'll lose the bloke. Not much of a relationship, then, if it's just ships that pass in the night. I've never felt the need to be careful (sounds like a warning!) that I'm giving out a message that a bloke had to wait - I'd rather get to know them first.

[naomi24]

joe, if 'no' scares a guy off - byeee!

[pixie373]

...they're the ones the women want to get rid of joeluke

[237SJ]

Sex on a first date? In a word - No. I`m not saying that we haven`t been there and some of us have been the victims of alcohol (as Zacs said) but the old saying comes to mind (from a man`s point of view) "Why chase after the bus when you are already on it"?

[joko]

pasta - exactly - and that's the problem ...
its so deeply ingrained in our psyche that if you asked someone quite simply 'why' they didn't agree with it, most would only be able to respond with vague answers like 'its just wrong' or 'its not right' - but they couldn't really explain - it just 'is' ... which kind of makes it even more frustrating really.
thats aside from the whole religious side of it of course.

slowly but surely its being 'bred' out of us with every passing generation, but its dragging its heels a bit.

jomilf - exactly! at last someone who gets it!

i really don't understand why a woman who wants to have sex and likes it - who isn't married or in a relationship is seen as desperate or having low self esteem.
they may be the case for some of them.
but i bet the majority are just doing it because they want to and its fun and its allowed.

any man who would judge a woman like that, is obviously an old fashioned, judgmental chauvenist and is not a man worth having any way to be honest


this is one of those subjects that i would point out to someone who says religion does not affect their lives one iota - because they don't pray or go to church

[joko]

and actually to flip it a bit - its actually men who are lacking in self esteem and desperate - except they use different words for it - like 'the hunt', and 'on the pull' etc - its all about bolstering their ego - seeing whether they can 'win' the prize and compete with other men

then there's all the nasty talk when it doesn't go to plan.
about "shagging a munter at the end of the night because she will let him", or beer goggles etc - because they have accepted 'defeat of 'first prize so are trying for the bronze now - they will do ANYTHING to win ... even if they don't really want to.
or they try and joke it away to their mates, they insult her and laugh at her, because although they're embarrassed, its still a point to them - and that's the main thing... scoring points.

then there's the other nasty stuff like - shes a lesbian, or she's a *** etc - just because they didn't get their own way - she didn't play the game properly - she didn't let him get his win.
so they get angry - and instead of just shrugging it off they get nasty and blame her.

then they brag to their mates - cajole and goad each other into telling it all, and then exaggerate, make stuff up - that this girl was a sex maniac or something because, again, they just want to impress their mates and are desperate to be seen to have 'won' first prize.

then they count the girls, see how many they can 'score', notches the bedpost - view it as a high score, like a game ...

and the maddest thing of all is that they all know they're all doing it! they know all their mates are the same and are making a sport of something that is not supposed to be a sport - they cook up strategies, and discuss the plan of action etc.
they go out in gangs, like pack hunters looking for prey.

its quite bizarre - i mean who lives their lives as though playing a video game? whose aim in life is to score points to make them happy?
they do it because no-one looks down on them for doing it - its a personality flaw that they 'need' to do that to be happy, to use and discard women just 'for the win' - yet they are patted on the back for it - so they keep doing it.

so, i would say all that is much more in the realm of sad, desperate and low self esteem - wouldn't you?

[joko]

oh, and before anyone starts - i am not saying ALL men do this ... of course i know that plenty don't.

[ummmm]

I'm not a prude but I'm unwilling to get naked with someone unless I feel comfortable with them in other scenarios.

I do believe each to their own. Women are as equal to men and should do what pleases them.

My partner waited 5 months before we had sex. He didn't mind waiting....but!! we've known each other for a long time, he knew why he was waiting.

[joeluke]

Plenty of women actually want sex on a first date

[ummmm]

Yes....like I said. each to their own!

[Libarena]

I have done it.