Pub jokes

[vehelpfulguy]

A penguin walks into the pub and says "Has my brother been in"

Bartender: "I dont know, whats he look like"

[vehelpfulguy]

Man walk into the pub with some tarmac over his shoulder.

"Give me a beer, and one for the road"

[vehelpfulguy]

Lady goes into a pub.

She asks "Can I have a double entrende please"

Barman: "Ok, sit there and I will give you one later"

[vehelpfulguy]

Man starts chatting up a lady in a pub, but he is getting nowhere.

She says "Sorry, I only go out with cowboys and jews, but what is your name"

"Hopalong Goldberg" he replies

[Thunderbird+]

What do you call a barmaid that can carry four pints of beer in each hand and another balanced on her head........

Beertrix.

[toonmilo]

What if she could play Snooker at the same time???



Beertrix potter!

[sophie_1003]

like the 2nd one...took me a min to get it but very good!! oldie but a goodie---a man walks in to a bar with a small lizard on the shoulder and says "ill have a beer for me and a lemonade for tiny here" the barman says "why do u call him tiny?" the man replies "because hes my newt!"

[Postdog]

Bloke goes into a pub, and as he walks by the fruit machine it says to him "boy, are you ugly!". Anyway he carries on, and when he gets to the bar, the nuts in the bowl say "hello handsome, nice to see you"

So he orders a drink from the barman and explains what happened. "Oh" said the barman "the nuts are complimentary but the fruit machine is out of order"

[Postdog]

A white horse goes into the pub, walks up to the bar, orders a pint, and as he's pouring it he says "that's funny, do you know we have a drink named after you?"

"What, Eric?" says the horse.

[Madmonks]

A man walks into a bar in Texas and sees a little man about a foot tall playing the piano.
He orders a drink and asks the barman where the little guy came from. The barman says he got him from a genie in a magic whisky bottle and that he could have a wish if he wanted.
The bottle is produced and the guy wishes for a million bucks, there's a flash of light and the bar is full of ducks. The guy complains that he wished for a million bucks not a million ducks and ths barman says he forgot to say the genie was a bit hard of hearing and says "you don't think I wished for a 12 inch pianist !"