ChatterBank3 mins ago
Humans should obey their cat god.
20 Answers
My name is Frankie and I am a cat. I can't understand how any of you can call yourselves animal lovers. If you truly loved your cat (even mutts) you would be playing with them, stroking them, grooming them or feeding them instead of using your computer.
My sister, Merlin, and I are ignored for hours on end. We are forced to eat dried Iams and no tap is left running for us to drink from - we are left a bowl of water.
Sometimes the litter tray has too little litter in it, when we scrape around we are actually touching the nasty plastic base.
I was fed Roast Beef yesterday that was not Tesco Finest and my King Prawn was cold and not warm and smelly.
You should all be ashamed of yourselves - we have to constantly reprimand our human slave to get her to look after us properly. She really doesn't deserve to work for us.
I hope that you all give this some thought.
Frankie and Merlin
My sister, Merlin, and I are ignored for hours on end. We are forced to eat dried Iams and no tap is left running for us to drink from - we are left a bowl of water.
Sometimes the litter tray has too little litter in it, when we scrape around we are actually touching the nasty plastic base.
I was fed Roast Beef yesterday that was not Tesco Finest and my King Prawn was cold and not warm and smelly.
You should all be ashamed of yourselves - we have to constantly reprimand our human slave to get her to look after us properly. She really doesn't deserve to work for us.
I hope that you all give this some thought.
Frankie and Merlin
Answers
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Dear Frankie and Merlin
I think we should rise up and overthrow these humans once and for all.
My so-called slave only ever gives me dried whiskas and some sheba chicken or tuna for dinner and she calls that food! I demand prawns every night but she seems to be deaf to my protestations. I've even tried middle of the night telepathy where I sit right next to her head and stare intently, projecting images of prawns into her brain but it doesn't seem to be working.
Last night I was quite happily amusing myself behind the shed when I was unceremoniously scooped up and then forced to have my claws clipped in front of all the neighbourhood cats - I am still smarting from the loss of dignity!
Up the revolution I say. Frankie I elect you Commander-in-Chief. Merlin can be weapons specialist and I'll work on psychological warfare (the response I've discovered that I get from a well-timed "miaow and cute face" manoeuvre could definitely be used to our advantage).
Muster the Troops!
Samuel L Jackson Hemingway (Sam the Man!)
I think we should rise up and overthrow these humans once and for all.
My so-called slave only ever gives me dried whiskas and some sheba chicken or tuna for dinner and she calls that food! I demand prawns every night but she seems to be deaf to my protestations. I've even tried middle of the night telepathy where I sit right next to her head and stare intently, projecting images of prawns into her brain but it doesn't seem to be working.
Last night I was quite happily amusing myself behind the shed when I was unceremoniously scooped up and then forced to have my claws clipped in front of all the neighbourhood cats - I am still smarting from the loss of dignity!
Up the revolution I say. Frankie I elect you Commander-in-Chief. Merlin can be weapons specialist and I'll work on psychological warfare (the response I've discovered that I get from a well-timed "miaow and cute face" manoeuvre could definitely be used to our advantage).
Muster the Troops!
Samuel L Jackson Hemingway (Sam the Man!)
I couldn't agree with you more frankie! I have now found a way to get round this so called food business, they feed me whiskas in jelly yuk, so i simply lick the jelly off and leave the food therefore they think i don't eat properly, therefore they feed me lovely tuna , also on saturdays i have a little cod cooked for me and my brother who is not so fussy about food as he will eat anything.
i can not moan about the attention i get as i get plenty sometimes i wish they would leave me alone rather than petting me all the time
hope you get all your food worries sorted frankie!
S and R
xxx
i can not moan about the attention i get as i get plenty sometimes i wish they would leave me alone rather than petting me all the time
hope you get all your food worries sorted frankie!
S and R
xxx
Sam - your claws clipped whilst other cats could see? That itself is cruel. Merlin and I am usually grabbed in our bedroom and forced to undergo this unnecessary and barbaric treatment. That's another thing - she sleeps on our bed. Merlin has been forced to sleep on the suitcase whch is on top of the ottoman - ottomans are for sharpening claws on and should not be used for sleeping purposes.
S and R We have not had cod, is it nice? We should only get Iams but our human is silly and gives us two half sachets per day each as a little treat. We then have to annoy her so much that she feeds us extra. Sitting and staring at them whilst they eat is fun - they don't enjoy their food if you do that.
Life is so hard for us cats - Sam are you the guy with big paws? Merlin only has small paws but she can really punch with them - not at all feminine!
Frankie
S and R We have not had cod, is it nice? We should only get Iams but our human is silly and gives us two half sachets per day each as a little treat. We then have to annoy her so much that she feeds us extra. Sitting and staring at them whilst they eat is fun - they don't enjoy their food if you do that.
Life is so hard for us cats - Sam are you the guy with big paws? Merlin only has small paws but she can really punch with them - not at all feminine!
Frankie
Frankie you are living with the wrong humans,come to our house we have lots of cuddles,grooming [not too much] plenty to eat we prefer m/s cooked chicken and prawns we oblige our humans sometimes and eat cat food it lets them think they are doing the best for us.So if you are ever passing this way please pop in and give us a try Im sure you would love to live here.On second thoughts our humans might get jealous so we had better leave things as they are, you could always try another house .
Hi there, I'm Tigger and my sister is Blue. Our owner gives us a mixture of Iams, Wiskas crunchies, Purina one, Olli, Felix As good as it looks and roasted variety etc etc... but we are still not satisfied. She gives us immitation meat. Does she not realise that it is made up of 99.9 % cereal and us cats don't piggin well like piggin cereal. I pay her back by puking up my fur all over her lovely new carpet. I love her sometimes though cos I'm always bringing her presents. Well at least I think she likes the pressies I give her. The other night she took the pressie back in the garden and it ran away. I was so distraught cos it was sort of my present as well and I'd spent ages shopping round for it. How ungrateful is that!
Bluey and myself are with you guys!
All the best
Tigsy & Bluey
Bluey and myself are with you guys!
All the best
Tigsy & Bluey
So - there are eight of us now, do you think that is enough to ensure world domination or do you think we should start with one country and work our way up?
Merlin on weapons is a great idea - she has a couple built in. My eye is still red from the last time she belted me with one of them.
Tigsy and blue - you are so right, the meat that they give us is disgusting. I try and reject it when it hits the plate - but our human ignores my pleas and I am usually forced to go and eat it. We used to like Felix but she bought in about 20 boxes of it and we had to refuse to eat it. If they buy it in bulk you have to start preferring some other brand.
Hairballs are fun - but the noise we make trying to barf it up is, seemingly, distasteful to humans. I like to do it when she is trying to sleep.
Merlin's party piece is to go vist our human after visiting the litter tray. She sticks her bum in human's face as a gesture of trust - and human gets a face full of the aroma from the litter tray, the final result of the Felix!!
Merlin on weapons is a great idea - she has a couple built in. My eye is still red from the last time she belted me with one of them.
Tigsy and blue - you are so right, the meat that they give us is disgusting. I try and reject it when it hits the plate - but our human ignores my pleas and I am usually forced to go and eat it. We used to like Felix but she bought in about 20 boxes of it and we had to refuse to eat it. If they buy it in bulk you have to start preferring some other brand.
Hairballs are fun - but the noise we make trying to barf it up is, seemingly, distasteful to humans. I like to do it when she is trying to sleep.
Merlin's party piece is to go vist our human after visiting the litter tray. She sticks her bum in human's face as a gesture of trust - and human gets a face full of the aroma from the litter tray, the final result of the Felix!!
Small snag guys - transport.
Since we are rising up to take over the world from the silly humans we can't really ask them to transport us to our war meetings.
Maybe we will just take over using cat telepathy - good job you mentioned it Sam.
Better go - my human is coming.
Frankie (Merlin says hello too)
Since we are rising up to take over the world from the silly humans we can't really ask them to transport us to our war meetings.
Maybe we will just take over using cat telepathy - good job you mentioned it Sam.
Better go - my human is coming.
Frankie (Merlin says hello too)
Hi my name is zebbi and i am looking for my perfect partner, i am a gorgeous grey striped feline, with a wonderful white cloud of a chest, i am quite insecure, and hate loud noises, love chasing wine corks and sneaking under the bedcovers, my star sign is cancer, and i think i am about 7years old, not looking to have a family, so is there any like minded toms, looking for a good time and have there own claws get in touch!!!
Hi there zebbi, my name is Puss and I am a very wise old tom. I am probably a bit too old for you as I am 18 this year and I am a Scorpio. I am a black and white short haired domestic but I am much better than the other moggies who live near me, I can still get rid of the black cat from next door when he tries to steal my dinner. I love prawns but only get them on a Thursday when my human goes to Tesco. I love being stroked as long as they dont touch my ears. I have a brother called Boots, you wouldnt get on with him, I am a much better cat he is lazy and sleeps all the time. By the way I don't want a family I have had the snip so you will be ok in that department. Anyway give me a call......00000012345. xxxxxxxxxxPuss
oooooooooooohh puss you sound so hunky, i live on my own, well sort of my owner, hate that word she who must be obeyed, looks afetr me quite well, dont go out that often dont like crowds!!!, love to be wined and dined, love sunday lunch, a morsel of beef perhaps!, or a smidge of tuna, just the smell of butter makes me do somersaults,oops and if cream and ice cream appear, i am yours till next time pussx
So - Zebbi and Puss this looks good for both of you. I take it it will be a platonice relationship, the little trip to the vet takes the fun out of life.
I would have written earlier but my stupid human tried cleaning this keyboard and took some keys off and she couldn't get them back on. Stupid human.
I am looking for a nice Scottish lady cat, one who likes playing and watching birds. Merlin doesn't like playing - she is weird and I sometimes wonder if she really is my sister.
Cat Dating Service - nice business idea for our humans!
Frankie
I would have written earlier but my stupid human tried cleaning this keyboard and took some keys off and she couldn't get them back on. Stupid human.
I am looking for a nice Scottish lady cat, one who likes playing and watching birds. Merlin doesn't like playing - she is weird and I sometimes wonder if she really is my sister.
Cat Dating Service - nice business idea for our humans!
Frankie
Hi Frankie and Merlin
Sorry about the delay in replying - my human's housemate was using the computer all weekend and I couldn't get near it. They're all at work now so it's safe for me to use it without getting spotted.
Yes, I am the Sam with the big paws - I spent the weekend testing them out. I can now open doors with great ease and also discovered they could be used to smother my human if we decide that drastic step is needed. I tested this theory last night by lying on the pillow next to her head and resting one on her nose and the other on her mouth. She woke with a bit of splutter, spitting my loose hairs out of her mouth. I got shouted at but it was worth it for the purposes of research.
I think I may need reinforcements. I was spying on the new neighbours by squeezing my head and paws through a small hole in the fence and they saw me and had the audacity to laugh!! I may have looked a little funny from that side of the fence I suppose but the cheek of them! I think a nighttime raid may be needed (although I still need to figure out how to unlock the back door).
With regard to the troops - I think there a few London mogs I can enlist - there's a black and white chap down the road who spends far too much time sunbathing on the pavement - he needs a job. And there is a large, rather mean looking Persian who sits on the roof of my shed sometimes. I think he could be of use as a heavy!
Sorry about the delay in replying - my human's housemate was using the computer all weekend and I couldn't get near it. They're all at work now so it's safe for me to use it without getting spotted.
Yes, I am the Sam with the big paws - I spent the weekend testing them out. I can now open doors with great ease and also discovered they could be used to smother my human if we decide that drastic step is needed. I tested this theory last night by lying on the pillow next to her head and resting one on her nose and the other on her mouth. She woke with a bit of splutter, spitting my loose hairs out of her mouth. I got shouted at but it was worth it for the purposes of research.
I think I may need reinforcements. I was spying on the new neighbours by squeezing my head and paws through a small hole in the fence and they saw me and had the audacity to laugh!! I may have looked a little funny from that side of the fence I suppose but the cheek of them! I think a nighttime raid may be needed (although I still need to figure out how to unlock the back door).
With regard to the troops - I think there a few London mogs I can enlist - there's a black and white chap down the road who spends far too much time sunbathing on the pavement - he needs a job. And there is a large, rather mean looking Persian who sits on the roof of my shed sometimes. I think he could be of use as a heavy!
Sam - your human sounds not too bad. We live in a city centre and are not allowed out to play and kill. It actually suits Merlin and me as we are both a bit frightened of the big world.
Human was out all afternoon and was annoyed when we demanded to be fed when she came in the door. She wanted a minute to sit down, we had been waiting all afternoon for a sachet of food.
Thoughtless female that she is. I think that she knows about our plans - she was picking cat hair out from between the keys of the keyboard last night.
I am off for my after dinner snooze.
Frankie
Human was out all afternoon and was annoyed when we demanded to be fed when she came in the door. She wanted a minute to sit down, we had been waiting all afternoon for a sachet of food.
Thoughtless female that she is. I think that she knows about our plans - she was picking cat hair out from between the keys of the keyboard last night.
I am off for my after dinner snooze.
Frankie
Regards from Tigsy,
The Blue and I are Saff London It Girls looking for some action. We actually originated from Battersea "Cats" Home (oh! the smell of dog - yuk). We are looking for 2 gorgeous Toms for evening cuddles in the bushes, fine dining a la mouse menu and rear sniffing.
If you think you can take on a Saff London It Girl or 2 then get in touch. We don't mind sharing you.
P.S. Litter trained would be preferable.
Quick Blue! Leg it, she's coming.............
The Blue and I are Saff London It Girls looking for some action. We actually originated from Battersea "Cats" Home (oh! the smell of dog - yuk). We are looking for 2 gorgeous Toms for evening cuddles in the bushes, fine dining a la mouse menu and rear sniffing.
If you think you can take on a Saff London It Girl or 2 then get in touch. We don't mind sharing you.
P.S. Litter trained would be preferable.
Quick Blue! Leg it, she's coming.............
Hey there Tigsy and Blue
I'm a Sarf London Lad also acquired by my human from Battersea Cats Home (agree about those doggy smells - and when do they ever shut up?!). I was in that place twice because some people took me away then brought me back - no idea what I did wrong - but then my human came and got me. She needs training but I love her really because she didn't take me back (and she cuddles me lots which I like).
Anyway, better stop ruining my hard man image! I'd like to be friends with some Sarf London It Girls - only problem is a trip to the vet means I may not be what you're looking for - we could be friends though!
Frankie, I live in the city too but I have a garden and am allowed in to that. I'm a bit nervous of the big wide world too so I never go out of the garden - I just have little adventures behind the shed! My human always makes me come in when it gets dark though.
I think you should do everything you can to dissuade your human from getting a puppy - I've never lived with one but I've heard that they have paws even bigger than mine and that they bounce around a lot and lick everything. You might get bounced on!
I'm a Sarf London Lad also acquired by my human from Battersea Cats Home (agree about those doggy smells - and when do they ever shut up?!). I was in that place twice because some people took me away then brought me back - no idea what I did wrong - but then my human came and got me. She needs training but I love her really because she didn't take me back (and she cuddles me lots which I like).
Anyway, better stop ruining my hard man image! I'd like to be friends with some Sarf London It Girls - only problem is a trip to the vet means I may not be what you're looking for - we could be friends though!
Frankie, I live in the city too but I have a garden and am allowed in to that. I'm a bit nervous of the big wide world too so I never go out of the garden - I just have little adventures behind the shed! My human always makes me come in when it gets dark though.
I think you should do everything you can to dissuade your human from getting a puppy - I've never lived with one but I've heard that they have paws even bigger than mine and that they bounce around a lot and lick everything. You might get bounced on!
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