Dilemma number 2

[tigwig]

Hi again, I have another dilemma which is much more of a delicate situation than the Christmas present one. Since my mum in law died in June, myself and my sister in law have had her dad round for tea 2 nights each per week which means he hasn't had to be on his own and cook a meal for himself at all. The only thing is now we are wondering have we done the right thing because he is not showing any sign of wanting to stand on his own two feet and cook for himself and we worry that he isn't coping when he is on his own as he rarely is. He goes out with friends on Sat night and on Fri or Sun he goes to my sister in laws again in addition to the 2 weekly nights! Don't get me wrong we don't mind him coming (most of the time) although my sis would like time to spend on her own with her family but we don't know how to broach the subject without hurting his feelings and sounding like we don't want him there. We think it would be better if he just came to each of our houses just 1 night for tea and did manage to cook for himself the other 2 nights what do you think?

[Shadow Man]

I do not know how old your father is but what I can say is cooking does not come easy if you have never learnt.

I was brought up in a fairly traditional family where either my mother or the family cook did all the cooking. I never even entered the kitchen.

Then at boarding school we had the choice of studying cooking (Home Economics) or metalshop. Without being sexist, only the effeminate boys chose cooking.

At university I dined out every night.

In the Army, I dined in the Officers Mess or had my own personal chefs. on ToD's I ate whatever was on offer.

My late wife did all the cooking when we were together.

I then had a housemaid/cook for two days a week and she cooked 4 or 5 meals for me and the other nights I dined out.

I used to try. But trust me even simple things were quite hard to fathom out. It really was frustrating to see people knock up even a roast dinner with such ease. If you have never been taught, it really is tough.

Yes, in the past few years I have learnt through trial and error, but still dine out more than I care for.

Perhaps, you could go to his house and teach him the basics?

[someonesgirl]

What a bl**dy good answer shadow! Bravo.

[B00]

lmao @ wardy, lol, sorry, but in the last few months you're posts have got snobbier and snobbier. In another few months you'll be telling us you're the Queen's second cousin ;-)

[bobtheturkey]

i find men who cook very strange it is something that i have no inclination to do furthermore i have never seen the point of standing for hours cooking some obscure meal only to spend 5 mins eating it and finding it didn't taste nice anyway, he probably is taking all He can get and then will revert to bunging something in the microwave or legging it down the chippy like a real man

[Shadow Man]

Booster Girl, where, preytell, have I been snobby?

I would love a knock on the door from some deep undercover Royal commission informing me that Prince William needs a kidney and I have a good match. Further, telling me I was adopted form an extra marital affair of Charles and some posh totty. But as I look my father, this dream is not going to happen!!!!!

Bloody cheek.

[Lindylou]

If you live in the UK there's a company called Wiltshire Farm Foods. They have a huge catalogue of ready prepared meals, including low-fat, diabetic, low-calorie etc etc. Check with your local Social Services Dept. who might be able to provide you with a catalogue and a phone number. All meals are microwaveable. Minimum purchase is approximately �15 (for several meals) and they deliver. My Aunt prefers them to Meals on Wheels and supermarket ready meals. And when I tasted one I was much impressed!

[bednobs]

the cooking is a red herring in my opinion - anyone can easily survive without cooking -its what reay meals from marks and spencer and toasters were made for, so dont worry about that. I suspect your bigger problem is how to approach him about not coming as often, which could be easily overcome by saying you had plans for a night, or by going on holiay for a week or by being completely honest and saying you need more family time

[society]

Tigwig, I think your father is very depressed. Losing a loved one is very stressful and depressing. He is still grieving and mourning his loss and at the moment couldn't care less. Being in the company of family members makes forget about his loss and less depressed.

Some people who live alone thinks why bother to go through all the trouble of cooking when it's only for them self. They also think they can make do with anything.

[beryllium]

Hello tigwig :)

My MiL decided to drop dead on us 3 weeks ago. FiL is weak from various brain stuff, but independant sort of. The dog is his saviour in this case. I see Lindylou has suggested Wiltshire Farm Foods, a good start. My SiL has Marks and Sparks deliver atm, and I think they're pretty good on the tv dinner front too.

Shadow is right about men that can't/won't cook. Both my dad and bruv cannot cook, although both have had a go lol...

Strangely though, after the horrific accident I was in with my previous partner, and lost his nan who brought him up, her husband was completely independant and cooked for us!!!

Grieving can take 1-2 years btw......

[bednobs]

or two months .... or 17 years .... or forever
point being bereavement is different for everyone

[beryllium]

lol... sorry. I dont mean and then you get over it full stop.