'Abuse' What Does It Mean To You?
Society & Culture1 min ago
age difference,.....
33 Answers
Would age difference affect you, in choosing a bf or gf? I mean if its casual dating where you dont really care and its all a bit of fun, then I'm sure it wouldnt matter a bit, but if you're at that age where you're a bit more serious about what you want from a partner and life, then would say a 20 year gap affect you ? Could you ever see eye to eye on anything? What about when they're about 60 and you're 40... they tire more easily and life's only just started (after retirement) for you? Is it a big deal or am I overreacting?
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A 20 year gap is not a barrier to a relationship.
I am 34 in a few days time and my wife is 57. We have just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary though we have been living together for over 10 years now (and were friends before that).
Most people who know me well would consider me a lot older that 33 (my business partner refers to me as being born 40). You would also not be able to guess my wife's age - most people consider her to be in her 40s.
Of course, me wife will be retiring in 3 years time, and there is some pain that I won't be able to with her. That said, all relationships involve a level of compromise - and we are both happy with the compromises that we are making.
When we first moved in together, there was obviously a lot of thought about the future - but how many 'normal' relationships don't last 10 years?
If we were both in our 30s and my wife was involved in a terrible accident that left her in a wheel chair, would I leave her as 'my life is just beginning'? Of course not.
I am 34 in a few days time and my wife is 57. We have just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary though we have been living together for over 10 years now (and were friends before that).
Most people who know me well would consider me a lot older that 33 (my business partner refers to me as being born 40). You would also not be able to guess my wife's age - most people consider her to be in her 40s.
Of course, me wife will be retiring in 3 years time, and there is some pain that I won't be able to with her. That said, all relationships involve a level of compromise - and we are both happy with the compromises that we are making.
When we first moved in together, there was obviously a lot of thought about the future - but how many 'normal' relationships don't last 10 years?
If we were both in our 30s and my wife was involved in a terrible accident that left her in a wheel chair, would I leave her as 'my life is just beginning'? Of course not.
Vic, good for you, and I hope you'll continue to be very happy together.
I would worry about someone of 16 being married to a much older person, since their outlook will probably have changed considerably by the time they're 26, but once you're an adult, age doesn't matter at all. Once you're grown up, you're grown up. Nature is cruel because with age, people change on the outside, but they don't change on the inside. Society has pre-conceived ideas about older people, which is sad, because I know people who are 60, 70 and 80 years old but only about 25 on the inside, so society really doesn't know them at all.
If the woman is much older than the man, then perhaps children will be out of the question, but if the couple can live with that, I can't see why it should bother anyone else.
If the age gap is large, then there might be minor cultural differences of opinion - perhaps tastes in music, for example, won't be the same - but that could be the case for any couple of any age.
Louisa is right when she says it's other people that cause problems. It takes a great deal of courage to go against convention and marry someone whose age differs greatly from your own, but in my opinion, anyone, especially a young man, who has the courage to do what he wants to do really is a mature man with a strong character and with a mind of his own - and I applaud him.
By the way, I don't think Michael Douglas and Catherine are a couple in a million - marriages between young women and older men have always happened - and marriages between young men and older women are becoming increasingly common.
Did you ask this question for a particular reason, feist?
I would worry about someone of 16 being married to a much older person, since their outlook will probably have changed considerably by the time they're 26, but once you're an adult, age doesn't matter at all. Once you're grown up, you're grown up. Nature is cruel because with age, people change on the outside, but they don't change on the inside. Society has pre-conceived ideas about older people, which is sad, because I know people who are 60, 70 and 80 years old but only about 25 on the inside, so society really doesn't know them at all.
If the woman is much older than the man, then perhaps children will be out of the question, but if the couple can live with that, I can't see why it should bother anyone else.
If the age gap is large, then there might be minor cultural differences of opinion - perhaps tastes in music, for example, won't be the same - but that could be the case for any couple of any age.
Louisa is right when she says it's other people that cause problems. It takes a great deal of courage to go against convention and marry someone whose age differs greatly from your own, but in my opinion, anyone, especially a young man, who has the courage to do what he wants to do really is a mature man with a strong character and with a mind of his own - and I applaud him.
By the way, I don't think Michael Douglas and Catherine are a couple in a million - marriages between young women and older men have always happened - and marriages between young men and older women are becoming increasingly common.
Did you ask this question for a particular reason, feist?
a friend of mine who is 28 married a woman 4 years ago who is 21 years older than him. she has 2 children who are nearer his age, 19 and 17. they are still very happy together. i know in the past he had said he wanted children one day, he is the sort of bloke who loves kids and is good with them but when they met he knew this would not be possible and he accepted that. i think everyone close to him was surprised at first but you could see that it worked and they were meant to be together. everyone is different, personally i am not attracted to men a lot older or a lot younger than me and i do feel that i would always want to be with someone who is at about the same stage in their life as me, this might not be the same age but it wouldnt be a big gap.
I did have a very close male friend who was 20 years older than me, he died a few years ago at only 41 but we were good mates. we had only know each other for 2 years but we got on so well and were on the same wavelength, our ages were irrelevent to our friendship.
I did have a very close male friend who was 20 years older than me, he died a few years ago at only 41 but we were good mates. we had only know each other for 2 years but we got on so well and were on the same wavelength, our ages were irrelevent to our friendship.
A family member of mine is married to someone 30 years his junior. They bicker all the time but love each other very much. You wouldn't have been able to drag this bloke up the alse if he didn't, he's as stubborn as a mule.
Anyway, the bloke in question appears and acts more youthful and the woman has been throguh a lot for a woman her age and I don't think anyone in her peer group could necesarily relate.
The bloke has children from a previous relationship, the younger ones weren't happy about the age gap initially but are ok now. The eldest always felt that as long has her dad was happy she didn't really see the problem but then she's six and eight years older than her siblings anyway so probably sees things a little differently.
As far as I'm aware the only problem is that the wife is not sure how to relate to the children, too young to be a step mother and the eldest would be unimpressed at having her 'big sister' status removed but somehow they all jog along together quite nicely really.
Anyway, the bloke in question appears and acts more youthful and the woman has been throguh a lot for a woman her age and I don't think anyone in her peer group could necesarily relate.
The bloke has children from a previous relationship, the younger ones weren't happy about the age gap initially but are ok now. The eldest always felt that as long has her dad was happy she didn't really see the problem but then she's six and eight years older than her siblings anyway so probably sees things a little differently.
As far as I'm aware the only problem is that the wife is not sure how to relate to the children, too young to be a step mother and the eldest would be unimpressed at having her 'big sister' status removed but somehow they all jog along together quite nicely really.
sorry, maybe I should have mentioned that my step children are 29 and 27 - I am also a step grandparent to 2 girls (4 & 2) and a 4 month old boy.
This means that I was a 29 year old granddad!
My situation was probably easier than a lot of people who marry their equal age as my step children were (sort of) grown up when we moved in together.
The eldest (17 when we moved in) was at first a bit wary but we have a great relationship now (he gave away his mum when we got married).
This means that I was a 29 year old granddad!
My situation was probably easier than a lot of people who marry their equal age as my step children were (sort of) grown up when we moved in together.
The eldest (17 when we moved in) was at first a bit wary but we have a great relationship now (he gave away his mum when we got married).
Well I am only 4 1/2 years older than eldest.
When I first moved in with my wife, he just sort of tolerated me - we were polite but that was about it. We developed a relationship over time - him looking at the way I treat his mum and me respecting him as a man. Since he was 17 and working, I never presumed to ever tell him anything - but was always there for advice.
He now turns to me if he has a problem in preference to his dad (his dad is a prat according to my wife - but she is hardly going to say otherwise). He also turns to me when he doesn't have a problem (eg he phoned me up around an hour ago to ask where he could buy a Nintendo Wii from!).
I don't have a particularly good relationship with my step daughter (and for a variety of reasons it has become worse in the last couple of years) - but that is mainly because she is a lying manipulative work-shy cow and living with a good for nothing lazy prat ;-)
Unsurprisingly, I did act a lot older than my years at the time - I am not sure if he actually knows how old I am - he obviously knows that I am a lot younger than his mum but I doubt he realises that I am only a few years older than he is.
When I first moved in with my wife, he just sort of tolerated me - we were polite but that was about it. We developed a relationship over time - him looking at the way I treat his mum and me respecting him as a man. Since he was 17 and working, I never presumed to ever tell him anything - but was always there for advice.
He now turns to me if he has a problem in preference to his dad (his dad is a prat according to my wife - but she is hardly going to say otherwise). He also turns to me when he doesn't have a problem (eg he phoned me up around an hour ago to ask where he could buy a Nintendo Wii from!).
I don't have a particularly good relationship with my step daughter (and for a variety of reasons it has become worse in the last couple of years) - but that is mainly because she is a lying manipulative work-shy cow and living with a good for nothing lazy prat ;-)
Unsurprisingly, I did act a lot older than my years at the time - I am not sure if he actually knows how old I am - he obviously knows that I am a lot younger than his mum but I doubt he realises that I am only a few years older than he is.
I think the only complaint the eldest has about the wife is taht she talks during Have I got News for You and The Simpsons which is just not cricket.
The step daughter reminds me of another relation of mine ;0)
I think the wife just wants to be seen to have a role or something so to speak and I guess it'll take time for her to realise that their 'fathers Mrs' is enough of a role without having to try and fit in anywhere else. Must be hard for her tho poor thing.
The step daughter reminds me of another relation of mine ;0)
I think the wife just wants to be seen to have a role or something so to speak and I guess it'll take time for her to realise that their 'fathers Mrs' is enough of a role without having to try and fit in anywhere else. Must be hard for her tho poor thing.
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