Told my daughter was chatty and stubborn

[kat83]

hi all, my 4 year old daughter started school about 4 weeks ago, and today was the first time i was able to catch her teacher to see how she was getting on. Her teacher said she was going on fine,and that she was very chatty (which she is!) and then paused, and said stubborn too. I know she probably didnt mean it to offend, but it did! All i have been thinking about is that comment. I really want to be able to do something to make sure my daughter isnt seen in that light, because to be fair, i dont feel she actually is, well not with me anyway. I have tried to look at the comment in both positive and negative lights. But the thing that i am most dreading is that it is parents evening in 2 weeks, and dont feel i can hear my daughter being talked about like that again! I know im just being an overprotective mummy, but that is our job isnt it! So i haven't really got a question, or a point, just wanted to get all that off my chest! Thank you!

[ummmm]

You need to get a thicker skin...

If they mention it at parents evening ask them in what way is she...then you might start paying attention and realise that she's more stubborn than you thought. We get use to people we live with and don't notice the gradual changes.

[China Doll]

I've probably been described as that from a much younger age than four... They're two of my biggest character traits... there are lots of worse things to be called and attributes to have.

Stubboness is a failing but it also shows will and a certain amount of character (good or bad) so don't take on so... Sounds to me like she's got the makings of a really cool person ;0)

[ummmm]

Mel0ns.....it happened to both my kids,but i nipped it in the bud with the teachers she knew mum was no pushover and to keep her opinions to herself unless they were positive ones.

Are you serious?

So you don't want to hear anything negative about your kids? I thought all parents wanted to hear both so they could deal with things that need dealing with...

[kat83]

thank you to all answers! i think i need to take a bit of each onboard! Im sure i will get used to hearing slightly negative things about her over the years, and although you often actually know they exist, its not nice for them to be actually pointed out! I felt really defensive! I didnt let the teacher know i felt like that, as im sure she didnt mean it as a critisim. I mean i asked how she was getting on and she told me. I just felt for a second, like she was having a go out my parenting skills (which i know she wasn't! And i know i was being paranoid!) just took me off guard! Im sure i will have a good old moan with the other mums and dads about it on the playground!

[jno]

what on earth is the point of only hearing positive opinions? Sounds like the right way to produce a self-obsessed little bully.

kat83, best thing to do if you're worried about this is just to ask. Stubbornness isn't the end of the world, though it might point to a reluctance to co-operate with others. No big deal at the age of 4, I would have thought. But only the teacher knows exactly what she meant.

[bednobs]

exactly, she could have meant sociable and determined
or friendly and knows her own mind

All of which are cool!

[annie0000]

You need to be prepared to hear a lot of surprising things about your child over the next few years, some you will like, others you wont. Your daughter is in a new environment and wont necessarily behave in the way that you are used to seeing. You wont be the first parent to ask, half way through your childs teachers report, " is it XX you are talking about?" or "We are X's parents, have you got the correct report?".

I remember my brother and his wife going up to school for their first parents day for their beautiful little angel of a girl to be met by the teacher showing them a box of broken pencils which my little neice had snapped in half in sheer temper after being told not to run around during story time!

Don't be shy to ask the teacher what she meant - she may just have a different perspective than you or some insight to share.

[littlewren]

It all depends where you are standing :

I know my own mind
You are determined
He is stubborn

Try to see the positive aspects of any criticism - as in the above example, a more tactful word might have been used. However, you need to know if the behaviour is really difficult so that you can find out why it is happening, and address it. Refusal to co-operate with her peers or teachers could stem from a large number of things including fear of something that is happening in school and which you are unaware of, or jit might just be that it's not what she is used to doing at home, doesn't like it, and doesn't see why she should. Who knows what is going on in the mind of a 4-year old who is having to deal with the huge new experience of school. Give her time - get explicit details from her teacher - and reassure your daughter about the changes she is having to make. Good luck.