Mum dying - advice needed urgently.

[Traci66]

I have not seen or spoken to my mum in 17 years and I have just had a phone call from one of my sisters saying she is dying and desperately wants to make her peace with me before she dies. I have no inclination to see her what so ever, she has had seventeen years to make her peace and hasn't bothered, so my question is:
1) Do I go and see her and let her make her peace.
2) Go and see her and tell her exactly what I think.
3) Just keep away.
The thing is I can never forgive her for what she did.

[bellazella]

sorry mary thats a rubbish adage

[jno]

seems pretty appropriate to me, bella - it says some things are too bad to be forgiven by humans and had better be left to God. That sounds pretty much like the way Traci feels, and a lot of other posters on this thread too.

[murraymints]

traci my love..hugs to you..xx you will do what is goodfor you..

[Caribeing]

Sorry didn't read the relevant post about what exactly happened, unforgiveable
on the mother's part I absolutely abhor sexual abuse.

[rozia]

go and see your mum, she is your mother after all, and whatever has happened, you need to feel that you will have no regrets, and also making peace with a parent is a blessing......go see her before its too late, please.

[mrsmaveric]

too right rozia..id give anything to see and talk to my parents again...and we had some horrible arguments when i was younger..its too late when they die.

[jno]

well, it's more than just arguments in this case, mrsmaveric.

[maggiebee]

1) YES - life is very short. Listen to what she has to say.
2) NO - You're obviously still hurt but your mum wants to make peace.
3) NO - You'll regret it in the future.

[rockyracoon]

Agree with you jno, Mary's adage was very apt.

[rozia]

sorry, after reading the sexual abuse bit, i have decided that it may not be a good idea to go and see her, im sorry, but your daughter comes first, and what happened to her is unforgivable. god bless you sweet heart. She could and should have stopped this, and she chose not to.....its awful situation, but be strong and know that you are not in the wrong.

[askyourgran]

Traci I would go to see her, what harm would that be? You only have one mother and in years to come you may regret not making your peace with her, or at least giving her peace of mind at last before she dies.You would be very cold and hard hearted person if you only went to tell her what you think. It's entirely your call, but personally I couldn't refuse a dying wish.

[ladybirder]

IMO there are some things that are unforgivable and this is one of them. As has been said she has had years to try and make her peace with you and the fact she has chosen to do this on her deathbed shows, to me, that she is doing it for herself and not for you. You have made the right decision not to go and I don't think you will regret it for one minute. I think it might even be a relief to you when she has gone. A pity the pathetic specimen she married will go on living. I hope you and your lovely daughter have a wonderful peaceful rest of your lives. X

[Traci66]

A big thank you again to everyone from yesterday, feeling at peace now I have made my decision, guess I just needed to hear that I wasn't doing something wrong by not going. Hugs and kisses to you all.

[grasscarp]

Traci. I know you have made your decision and fully understand your reasons. Just hope in the years left of your life you never come to wish you had done otherwise. When you are old yourself and going to meet your maker you may feel frightened and full of regrets for things you didnt do differently in your own life. However, thank you for reading our offerings. x

[Sqad]

Tracie my love, throughout life one has to make decisions and these decisions are based on the facts as YOU see them.
Some of the decisions that you make are correct and some clearly wrong as seen in retrospect, but that doesn't matter.
The important thing is you and you alone have made a decision and nobody can fault you on that.

[Iolanthe]

Go to see her. She may be able to tell you why things went wrong. Parents often make mistakes in judgement, and we don't always appreciate parental difficulties when we are younger.

Be magnanimous and try to forgive her, as you may well regret it later.

Carol Vorderman found it difficult to forgive her own father, but she was reconciled in similar circumstances just before he died, and was glad she was, afterwards. Life is too short and fragile to bear grudges for ever. Please go and see her, before it 's too late.

[arfurdaley]

I have lost both parents over the past few years and fell out with them I am glad so glad I made peace with my dad before he died even though it was tough. Please go you do not have too forgive but you won't forgive yourself if you don't.

[wendylottie]

for no other reason just go and see her ,just you beeing there will be enough words are not needed

[Traci66]

Well, it's over, I got a phone call a couple of hours ago to say she had died in the early hours of this morning.

[Traci66]

In case anyone is wondering I did not go to see her, I did write to her and the letter was returned to me unopened. Now got to decide about the funeral.