I Feel Terrible....

[mancmo]

I have been talking to someone who I met on an online dating site...(I haven't actually met him)...we have been exchanging emails and texts..

tonight he told me to watch the Undateables programme as there was a lad on there with tourettes....and then he informed me he had it....

I was taken aback..he never mentioned this before...we have been in contact within each other for about 8 weeks now...we get on well, he has dropped hints the past few weeks about where he would take me on our first date...!

but this has just really put me off...I know, I sound so shallow..I will hold my hands up to that..and feel so guilty, but i really dont think I could date someone with tourettes...

I know I will get replies back saying I am being a b***h, but could you date someone with it?

Your answers would be appreciated! xx

[Canary42]

Yes, on second thoughts, if you follow lilacben's advice, then gness's final point may turn out to be true.

[anaxcrosswords]

I was born with no fingers on my left hand. In terms of getting on with the usual stuff of life it's no problem, but a few years ago I began IM correspondence with somebody who, after a few weeks, began to talk about us meeting up. I then happened to mention my hand... and she began to lambast me for not telling her about it before, as if it was some hugely important thing. It did show her up as shallow, but it also made me feel incredibly self-conscious. Even now I walk around with my hands in my pockets far more than I used to - that sort of reaction can make you feel like s**t.

All I can say is try to understand why he may not have mentioned it before. Maybe it has - unreasonably - been a barrier to previous relationships and he just feels very reluctant to mention it. He may be far more normal than you think.

[mancmo]

Thanks everyone, lilacben & gness, I will take your much helpful advice ...it's true, I don't know much about it, and I'm sure he'll be willing to enlighten my ignorance!!
Thanks again! Xx

[mancmo]

Thank you Anaxcrosswords, I now know it must have been hard for him to send that text to me tonight and I will certainly not question him about not telling me sooner..glad I've got this off my chest now...Thanks for sharing that xx

[gness]

You're welcome M. I don't know how old you are. In my younger days I think, if I'm honest, looks and appearances and what people thought mattered.
With the wisdom of years I know that perfection can disappoint and the odd imperfection, quirk, difference can add to a relationship.....with the right attitude.
If that makes sense at this late hour. :-(
Learn about the condition....you may find it doesn't bother you but his tattoos, piercings and bringing his mother on a date does. :-)

[ummmm]

It makes perfect sense, Gness.

[anaxcrosswords]

LOL @ gness!

And thank you for your comment mancmo. Just a thought - far from not questioning him, you could use this an an opportunity to compliment him on his bravery in raising the subject. Once you've done that and made him feel better about himself you can comfortably go on to ask about the extent of his condition (tactfully of course!). If his reply is interspersed with the occasional **** ***** **** don't worry - lots of people without tourettes do that anyway. **** **** **** for example. ;o)

[ummmm]

Only a small amount of tourettes sufferers suffer with the vocal outbursts. It's mainly tic's.

[anaxcrosswords]

Doh, and my attempt at humouir was going so well. I need new writers/researchers.

[anaxcrosswords]

Humouir? Blame the keyboard... not the wine.

[ummmm]

Sorry :-( x

[mancmo]

Gness, I'm late 30s! An age where I shouldn't be worried or bothered about appearance s or conditions...hell, I've got physical flaws which I'm embarrassed about, but cover them (i think) well...omg...Will it put him off??!!!
But, I will admit that it's what other people think aswell...again...shallow, I know

Anaxcrossword.....blame the wine..it's always the ###### wines fault!!

[gness]

#######wines fault! Now who's Toutretting? ;-)

If you like most of what you know about this guy give it a go......neither of you may click on meeting...but there might be that spark that makes everything you're worried about fade away. Nothing ventured...etc..
Let us know but if you end it now no-one will think any the less of you...you've been honest. Some would invent an excuse. x

[Dee Sa]

this time I disagree with the majority, its better to end it now and kinder then to pretend you may be interested, sooner or later he is going to be hurt and the longer you leave it the worse its going to be, so answer him honestly tell him at present time you are not ready for a relationship with someone who has an illness like his.It may be mild now but what if it gets worse as time goes by ? and by then you are in too deep to do anything but run,what if u had children and they inherited it too ? Close this chapter now.

[rsvp]

Haven't read through the previous posts so maybe this view has already been expressed. Many people have things in their life which others find difficult to accept - for example some people are uncomfortable with amputees, excessive hair, skin colouring etc etc .You've been in touch with this man for a while and seemed to enjoy the connection, he has been very honest and up front prior to your meeting each other which suggests he's an honest person. None of us know what secrets other people we come into connect with have - we could be working with a serial killer (okay, bit extreme) - if you have a serious problem with tourettes then don't see him - but, perhaps a meeting in a very public cafe/bar/whatever with a trusted friend or relation at the same place at few tables away?

[lcg]

yes....it wouldn't bother me as my hubby has serious mental health problems and can be a handful to deal with. i once had a friend with tourettes and i loved him dearly.....we used to have a scream when we went out pubbing and clubbing, and it was hilarious watching his subconscious scream things other people have a soial handbrake for (sometimes it got him into trouble too!). but....eventually it gets normal and you see past the problems - and see the person. if you do go out and see him and have a proper relationship....do so with an open heart and have fun. it will certainly be an interesting experience for you! go for it if he is lovely. he may be dating through the internet because of his problem - as it will get him past all the people who see his disorder firt, and not the person. if he's lovely.....go on, dive in! good luck x

[lcg]

and i hope you texted him back x