Problems with my boss

[Anabel]

Hi there

I wonder if anyone out there has some advice for me with regards to a problem I'm having with my boss at work�

Basically, my boss and I have a bit of a strange relationship. She is a very clever person, unbelievably busy within a high powered corporate position with lots of responsibility and drive. I am her assistant. When I say we have a strange relationship, what I mean to say is that she is quite cold and not very approachable with me, where as I am completely the opposite and I often feel awkward around her and not in-tune. I'm a friendly warm approachable person as in 'what you see is what you get' � there are no hidden agenda's with me�

Things got a bit better just before Christmas and I really thought we had come out the other end. The trouble is, is we have recently come back from a business trip together and worked really hard whilst I was there. I got lots of praise from various colleagues to say what a good job I was doing, but not from my boss.

Since we've got back she is even colder towards me and I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to have done. It's making me feel really miserable!! I know for a fact it's not a jealousy thing, because my boss is the one who made the conference happen and she did get publicly thanked for her amazing efforts�

My boss has been away from her office all morning (there isn't a meeting scheduled in her diary), so I have a really strong feeling that she has been down talking to HR about me saying that she's not happy with me. I can't explain it, just call it women's intuition, but I would bet money on it, that's where she's been. I should also say, that other than the problems I'm having with my boss, I really enjoy my job and I really like the company and I don't really want to have to leave�

I look forward to hearing from someone soon (hopefully) xx

[theo_wyvern]

only one way i know of - sit down and speak to her and explain feelings !

alternatively you could speak to hr yourself and explain the situation and they may be able to approach things differently.

do not worry about her seeing hr, providing you do your job well and there are no issues with disciplinary you will be fine even if you end up working for someone else.

[Anabel]

Thanks for replying so quickly Theo - that's what I've been advised to do too. I don't know whether to speak to my boss first, or go to HR first...? I don't want to make a huge deal out of this, I just want my boss and I to get on!!

I think I'll send a note to my contact in HR requesting a confidential meeting during a lunch break sometime this week, so my boss doesn't miss me during the day...

Thanks again!! x

[*ALFIE*]

Yeh, safest bet is with HR first. Let them deal with it rather than you as an individual.

[xrayspecs]

Your boss is a jerk. People in positions of responsibility often think it's acceptable to treat those under them like dirt.

Your boss irronically is the one with the problem because it's her inability to comunicate that leads her to treat people this way. It should be suggested (by your HR resource) that she goes on a personal development programme. This will identify to her the problems that she has, and more importantly that others have with her and give her the tools to modify her behavoir.

[Anabel]

You're absolutely right xrayspecs - that's exactly what my boyfriend says. I don't think she has ever had to manage anyone before...and it totally shows.

I'm quite a sensitive person and have always wondered if I'm cut out to work in a corporate environment...I try and rack my brains to see what else I could do (that would also pay me enough to pay the mortgage), but I haven't come up with anything yet.. x

[sense4all]

I am disappointed to say that some people are just oblivious to everybody else but themselves, that is how they get to the top in the first place. My hubbie who works for a large corporation ( as a director ) says that he has noticed, that exec. women are particularly dismissive to the other women in the office. I wouldn't bother too much with her phases just do your job as well as you can, if she's so fab. let's hope she gets headhunted and soon!

[zeldazog]

You don't say if your boss is like it with other people too.

Don't be so sure its not jealousy either - if you're approachable, and she isn't, she may wish she was actually more like you.

She could be jealous of your abilities to do your job, which may appear (to her) with ease, whilst she struggles.

You got lots of praise at the conference, which, whilst she got publicly thanked, was that a genuine thankyou from folk or a "corporate" thank you (you know, a bit like the company Xmas card, obligatory)?

I used to work for someone who could be really cold in work to me, and would never acknowledge my efforts to others when the department was praised, often taking credit for work or ideas herself.

I then got promoted to head another department, so was on the same level as her. It was only after I left the company that she told me she always feared she would lose her job to me because she knew I was more able.

[Quiet Man]

I think there is someone like your boss in every company, so don't leave. These people are out to impress those who can influence their career and don't care who they upset as they try to climb up the ladder. (I watch them every day in meetings jockeying for position) I hope her wheels fall off soon! As sense4all says just do your job as well as you can and in a professional manner.

[Anabel]

Thanks guys - I really appreciate the moral support, more than you'll ever know!!

There has been a development though...my boss called me into her office last night to ask me how she thought I had got on at the conference and I told her that I thought I had worked hard, shown lots of commitment and that I had received positive comments from other executive�s that were present at the conference. Unfortunately, she had another view and felt I hadn�t supported her enough and that I work for her and not the other executives.

Part of my job is quite analytical and I must say that numbers are totally not my forte. If there was such a thing as mathematical dyslexia, then I definitely have it. My boss has always said that it is a massive problem for her that I�m slow with numbers and Excel in particular and that she really needs someone to support her who has this skills set.

The long and short of it is, that we agreed we aren�t suited to work with each other. She praised my skills as a PA, and said I was the best PA in our department, but that she needed someone who has that little bit extra to be her executive assistant. I told her that I didn�t want to leave the company, that I enjoyed working here (I�ve been at the company for 9 months), so she suggested I speak to HR to see if there is a position somewhere else in the company�

What ever happens I�ll still be here at the end of the March, being the end of the fiscal year and they can�t do anything which will effect the budgets allocated for the year i.e. recruiting someone else�

I�m going to make that appointment with HR this morning and see what they say. I�ll keep you lovely people posted� xx

[creeker]

I know how you feel. I go through the same cold distant realationship everyday in my office too. Me and another lady run the desk at an office and I am a very open person like you. During our free time I am always talking about my kids. Never real personal stuff, but It helps me get through the day. she on the otherhand, listens to me and responses but, NEVER talks about anything in her life. I feel like if I don't say anything nothing will ever be said sometimes. I feel really bad for you, I wish I knew what to tell you to do. I think she is jealous of you because you are so free. Goodluck to you.

[Anabel]

Hi Creeker

I know exactly how you feel, if you don't initiate conversation to try and get on some kind of personal level, then it just doesn't happen...the same applies to me...

I spoke to HR yesterday and on the face of it they seem very supportive and understanding about the situation, but the problem is, is that there aren't any internal jobs at present and HR weren't sure if there would be any, so I'm a bit stuffed really.

I might end up having to go down the disciplinary route at the end of March, in order to buy me some time...
I hate all of this and I'm feeling particularly down about it today. It doesn't help that it's so miserable outside...

Good luck to you Creeker and keep smiling :o)) xx

[sense4all]

Hang in there Anabel, by all means contemplate a plan of action in case all the facts remain the same. However things can change in the blink of an eye. Not always for the worse.

Sorry you felt bad today, but on the bright side if this is a sizable company there is lots of potential for someone to lose the plot and chuck it all in within the next eight weeks.

Be positive! Need some entertainment contemplate asking to join the pension scheme down at H.R. (if you are in qualifying period) just to see their reaction, you can do lots of escapist mental gymnastics to keep you going. Post a thread for suggestions to give yourself a lift. Sense X

[xrayspecs]

Anabel - Your boss is still a Jerk. She clearly demonstrates that she hasn't the skills necesary to manage or mentor. Your better off out of it. Take heart though. PA's with your skills are widely sought after. The Guardian Newspaper has a secretarial employment section (I can't remember which day of the week though) in which there are PA positions advertised regularly. Ok so you don't like numbers - your not alone! concentrate on the skilss you have, and the bits of your job you enjoy and make those skills work for you. Good luck.

[Anabel]

Hi xrayspecs

You're very sweet and all your support does make me feel better! Thank you!!!

You're right about the management and mentoring and lack of it. She hasn't got a clue. She has never set me any clear objectives or gave me any feedback on my performance and her communication skills totally need work on.

I need to start being proactive now in finding something else, but it's hard when your confidence is at an all time low... :o( xx

[lion heart]

I think maybe your scaring her maybe she thinks your to good and want to take her job! Maybe your next trip you could get time to talk to her and ask her if there is something about you that she finds threatning! I would just make sure i do my job right then she has no excuse to sack you which she needs if she want you sacked they cant just sack you because she doesnt want you there! keep your chin up Good Luck