My missus reckons she's a bit overweight so she goes to her doctor and asks, "What are the easiest exercises I can take to lose weight?" He replies, "At certain times, just shake your head." "What...
So, me and the wife walked into a restaurant last night. "Hi, is our table ready?" "No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?" "No, that's okay." "Great, can you take these plates to table six then...
The family of the man killed by a falling window have been denied compensation after the evidence was cleared up by the council.
The judge said in his ruling:
"Sorry, but... No Pane, No Gain."...
I walked into a car showroom last night. I said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.” He said, “We don’t have a Volkswagen Golf...
Judge: Mr Murphy, you were clocked doing 73mph in a 30mph & you were driving in the middle of the road. What do you have to say for yourself? Paddy: Well I'd just hired the car & when I filled out the...
I was sitting in the pub with the wife and said "look at those two drunks over there that'll be us in 10 years time"
" you bloody idiot that's a mirror you're looking at" she said!...
My Grandad warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema....
Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home in Ireland were turning one hundred years old.... The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100...
A married couple are sitting in the living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you.” “Is that you, or the wine talking?” asks the husband, surprised by this...