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Hymie

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Hymie

Santa’s Visit

I asked my young nephew if he had seen Santa deliver his Christmas presents early this morning. He replied ‘No, it was too dark, but I heard what he said when he stubbed his toe on the foot of my...
08:09 Sat 25th Dec 20211 answer, last by zebo 15:50 Mon 27th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Christmas Eve

When her husband arrived home early from work on Christmas Eve, the wife hurriedly opened the bedroom window and instructed her lover to jump out the window. ‘What, are you crazy?’ said her lover,...
14:20 Fri 24th Dec 20212 answers, last by Patsy33 19:23 Fri 24th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Must See Youtube Video

But not if you are Cressida Dick, Boris Johnson or TTT. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y18CrgFdh4...
14:15 Fri 24th Dec 202139 answers, last by Hymie 22:08 Fri 24th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Even Wikipedia Is Too Risqué For Ab.

I see my post with a link to a Wikipedia article has been removed by the thought police. If you want to see the article for yourself – it is the last article under ‘Did you know...’ on today’s...
20:14 Thu 23rd Dec 202111 answers, last by douglas9401 22:21 Fri 24th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Christmas Guest

Grandma phoned out of the blue, inviting herself to stay with her daughter and family over the Christmas break. On arrival at her daughter’s home, her grandson greeted her excitedly announcing ‘Now...
21:13 Wed 22nd Dec 20211 answer, last by Patsy33 23:03 Wed 22nd Dec 2021
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Hymie

Psychiatry

Psychiatrist to patient – ‘I’m really pleased with the progress you’ve made recently.’ Patient to psychiatrist – ‘Last week I was Napoleon Bonaparte, now I’m a nobody and you call that progress?’...
19:30 Tue 21st Dec 20211 answer, last by DTCwordfan 19:38 Tue 21st Dec 2021
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Hymie

Christmas Shopping

Me - ‘Boss, can I take tomorrow off work to go Christmas shopping with my wife?’ Boss – ‘Certainly not.’ Me – ‘Oh, thank you very much, I knew you’d understand.’...
20:16 Mon 20th Dec 20215 answers, last by Georgiesmum 18:18 Tue 21st Dec 2021
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Hymie

Changes To The Highway Code Coming Into Effect 29 January 2022

Some of you may not be aware of significant changes to the highway-code, soon to come into effect. One of the major changes is that vehicle drivers turning into a road are to give way to pedestrians...
10:16 Sat 18th Dec 20215 answers, last by bhg481 19:17 Fri 31st Dec 2021
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Hymie

More Private Eye Number Crunching

Zero parties Boris Johnson insisted had been held in Downing Street last December, as he announced an investigation into 18 December event to ‘establish all the facts’. 3 further parties that have...
07:41 Sat 18th Dec 202121 answers, last by naomi24 16:28 Sat 18th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Private Eye Number Crunching

£1,640 – Average spend per UK household on home improvements in 2020, a record thought to be due to lockdown making us spend more time at home. £112,549 – Spend by Boris & Carrie Johnson on home...
07:12 Sat 18th Dec 20218 answers, last by drmorgans 07:40 Sat 18th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Wife’s Christmas Present

Earlier this month, my wife dropped a heavy hint as to what she wants for Christmas. She said that she dreamt that I had given her a diamond necklace as a present and wondered what the meaning of the...
20:06 Fri 10th Dec 20211 answer, last by Patsy33 20:14 Fri 10th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Boris Johnson

Over the last few days there has been a plethora of posts on AB critical of Boris Johnson. It would appear that most ABers have woken up to the fact that Boris is a totally inappropriate person to...
16:20 Thu 09th Dec 202157 answers, last by ToraToraTora 09:56 Sat 11th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Private Eye Number Crunching

40-50 People who attended staff Christmas party at 10 Downing Street on 18 December 2020, when Tier 3 restrictions said that ‘no events should take place, no mixing of households indoors’. Zero...
22:52 Wed 08th Dec 202136 answers, last by bobbinwales 10:15 Thu 09th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Santa’s Test Flight

Since Santa flies over American air-space, he is required to under-go annual certification to fly by the Federal Aviation Administration. The FAA inspector arrived at the North Pole to see Santa...
22:58 Tue 07th Dec 20217 answers, last by emmie 08:15 Wed 08th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Flash Car

The boss showed up at the Christmas party driving a top of the range Ferrari. ‘Wow!’ said one of the junior employees ‘that’s an amazing car.’ ‘Well,’ said the boss, ‘if you work hard, put in all your...
21:36 Wed 01st Dec 20214 answers, last by Patsy33 13:39 Thu 02nd Dec 2021
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Hymie

Correctly Operating Computer Systems

This DM article interested me (not just because the Post Office was involved), but that the Law Commission agreed to a change in the law to a presumption of correctly operating computer systems. I can...
22:44 Mon 29th Nov 20219 answers, last by Steeeveee 10:29 Thu 06th Jan 2022
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Hymie

Blind Date

Last weekend, my friend set me up with a blind-date with his sister. Despite his assurance that she was attractive and intelligent – I was concerned that I might find her unattractive and be stuck...
08:47 Sun 28th Nov 20214 answers, last by devayaani 13:33 Mon 29th Nov 2021
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Hymie

Pure Cremation

Earlier today my wife, mother-in-law and I were all watching TV when one of those cremation adverts came on; at which my mother-in-law announced that she would quite like to be cremated, to which I...
13:42 Fri 26th Nov 20212 answers, last by Hopkirk 00:17 Sat 27th Nov 2021
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Hymie

Christmas Shopping

A couple went Christmas shopping with their three young children in tow. After hours of traipsing around toyshops and hearing their kids ask for every item on the shelves, they were totally fed-up....
20:58 Wed 24th Nov 20212 answers, last by zebo 12:27 Fri 26th Nov 2021

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