My girlfriend said she wanted to have a serious talk to me about our relationship. We had a nice meal and some wine and then she started. "I think we need to decide in what direction our relationship...
According to Oxfam one pound a month can provide enough water for a village in Tanzania . So why do Thames Water charge me 50 pounds a month for my 3 bed semi?
A man dressed in a painters overalls walks into a hardware store and asks for a bottle of white spirit. The proprietor looks at him. "No. You're that alcoholic bum who used to always hang around the...
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When He finally appeared at...
Three kids in a playground talking about their dads and how great they are. The first one says, "My dad is the fastest man in the world, he can outrun a tiger." The second says, "Mine can outrun a...
A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the M1 yesterday, shedding it's load across the carriageway. Onlookers are said to be stunned, bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, shocked,...
Husband and wife go shopping in Tesco's, the man picks up a crate of stella and sticks them into the trolley "what do you think your doing?" asks the wife, "they're on offer, only ?10 for 12 cans",...
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists...
Two redneck hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their pickemup truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey," says the lone hunter, "I don't want to tell you how to do...
A man is driving rather erratically down a road. A police officer stops him. The officer says,"would you mind blowing into this breatheliser for me please sir". The man says 'I'm ashmatic, I can't do...
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him....
A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, "How can I help you?" The farmer said, "I want to get one of them dayvorces." The lawyer said, "Do you have...
Once upon a time, at a perfect Christmas party, there was a perfect meeting between a perfect man and a perfect woman. They went on a perfect date, and after a perfect courtship, they celebrated a...
I tried to cook an African casserole for dinner last night using Hyena meat and oxo cubes. It didn't turn out well and just made myself a laughing stock.
An Irish farmer today blocked vets from entering his farm to cull his cattle suspected to have bluetongue. Farmer O'Donnell said "none of his cows have mobile phone's so how can they have bluetongue?"
I am about to give notice to my employer. What infomation are they allowed to keep about me and howlong can they keep it? can I ask to see it destroyed in my presence. I have no trust in my present...
I am about to give notice to my employer. What infomation are they allowed to keep about me and howlong can they keep it? can I ask to see it destroyed in my presence. I have no trust in my present...
