marval Member Profile in The AnswerBank

Staying Young ?

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about an exciting new procedure called "The Knob" which would involve attaching a small knob to the back of her...

Rondy

The Genius

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "8 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly...

SparklyKid

Thank You Nhs

Laser treatment scheduled for 3.20 today, out by half past three. One eyedrop to dilate pupil first then chin on on laser machine rest. No sense of any feeling just hear some clicks. I am now looking...

ChillDoubt

2020 Cannot Get Any Worse...

Not normally one for sackcloth and ashes but having already lost one NHS colleague to Covid, tonight another friend and Theatre colleague has died in a hit and run incident after finishing work, I’d...

Blake_Wildfong

Who's Hungry?

Who's hungry? I'm going to make Spotted Dick and if you're hungry, I'll share it with you.

Musictv2019

Birthday

Today is my birthday.

Arrods

Law Of Unintended Consequences

It's China's fault. They gave us Covid 19, leading to missing seeing grandchildren. After a long gap, we arranged to meet up with them. Arrived at meeting-up point, Mrs Arrods couldn't wait to exit...

Fanriffic

Sweet Caroline Banned

Due to the latest Covid-19 restrictions - my local pub has banned 'Sweet Caroline' by Neil Diamond from the Karaoke Jukebox. So there will be no: Touching Hands, Reaching Out, Touching Me, Touching...

Jomlett

Pardon?

I went for a hearing test yesterday and the doctor said 'Can you describe the symptoms'? I said 'Yeah, Homer is a sort of yellow colour with bulging eyes'....

tiggerblue10

Reasons To Be Cheerful

My turn to do a RTBC........... My offer on the house I saw on Saturday HAS BEEN ACCEPTED!!!!! Website now shows 'Sold RTC'. Wooohoooooo......I'm so happy :o)))))))...

Bazile

Do You Know Who I Am

https://ibb.co/rwZZtNK...

Canary42

The Gambler

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to...

Rondy

The Cranky Wife

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me”. Then she hid under the bed to see...

retrocop

Covid Business Losses :-(

And finally...It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses. A local Bra Shop has gone bust. A Mining Company has gone under. A manufacturer of food blenders has...

maggiebee

Breaking News

Nelly the elephant has tested positive for Covid. When asked where she got it, she replied "Trump, Trump, Trump"...

Theland

Cabbage?

Cabbage? A curse or a blessing? Hated it as a kid, now love it! It used to be the horrible green stuff lurking on the side of my plate. Shoving it around with a fork didn't fool anyone! ''Eat your...

murraymints

Happy Birthday Wiltsman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ0N3TIYuwo&t=97s MANY HAPPIES WILT XX...

tiggerblue10

Viewing A House Today

Contract signing for my house with the buyer is imminent but I've had to take a 5k hit due to issues identified as a result of the structural survey. That's 2.5k off the asking price as they put in an...

SparklyKid

Today Is Our Wedding Anniversary.

We don't do cards or gifts. I bought her a cadburys flake, result....

Bobbisox1

It's A Long 'Un

A rabbit walks into a Newcastle pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?' The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese...

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