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At the supermarket checkout, Susan emptied her basket of meals for one and single sized packs of everything onto the conveyor. The man behind her said "Can't be much fun for a single girl like you"...
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I put a deposit on a seagull today.... ....dont want to buy it, just getting a little of my own back....
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My girlfriend had her meatloaf pants on tonight.. On the front of them it says 'I will do anything for love' but on the back it says 'but I wont do that!'...
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Fascinated by this. Allows you to read much faster than you do at the minute. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-filter/10687464/Could-this-app-allow-you-to-read-War-and-Peace-in-a-day.html Scroll...
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Kens wife called him into the Kitchen one morning and demanded that he made love to her immediately. After insisting on exactly 2 minutes of foreplay they made love right there on the Kitchen floor....
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Just need an outlet...... my poor cat has been found flat out next to his food bowl. It looks like he may have choked on his food because there were absolutely no other signs of ill health - only...
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Hearing a noise in the early hours, Mike got out of bed to investigate. When he got downstairs he could see his next door neighbour in the moonlight dragging a large heavy carpet across his lawn. As...
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What do you give to the moggy with the best looking rear end? A Catastrophe...
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6 year old Jenny went to her aunties wedding, she whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the...
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Dave walks sat down a the bar, ordered 6 doubles, drank them all and ordered 6 more. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the barman asked him. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t...
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A lucky little old lady was down at the bookies again collecting her winnings. The bookie was thinking that he might have to ban her because although she sometimes picked the odd winner, today was the...
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An old wino staggers into a bar and the barman orders him to get out. He agrees but only if he can have a cocktail stick. The barman gladly hands him a cocktail stick and the wino staggers back...
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I spent a good 2 hours defrosting the fridge last night.... or foreplay as she likes to call it.
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Walking down the street the other day I heard a group of people singing 21 today... 21 today. I was curious to see if it was a Girl's birthday and if she might be a bit hot but the fence was too high...
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I got a big shock when I found out my hair-dryer wasnt waterproof!
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I just cant stop watching this idiot
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Some sportsmen believe that if you abstain from sex before a game then you play better.... My girlfriend must be training me to be world class.. :0[...
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I was so tired last night i fell asleep in the fireplace ... slept like a log...
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I put this in the jokes section because I thought you guys over here would appreciate this murder mystery.... Check this out http://coolpicsbro.com/m/4973/...
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That using a 3d printer I should be able to print myself some paper!

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