I phoned the wife on the way home from work and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips but she just grunted. I think that she still regrets letting me name the twins.
A midget cowboy goes to see his doctor. "Doc, I've got this pain in my testicles. I think it may be a hernia. Could you check it out?" The doctor examines the midget cowboy, ponders for a moment, then...
A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede £100." The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer. The centipede...
Awful weather conditions today. I've just visited my 80 years old neighbour to ask her if she needed anything from the shops. Turns out that she does so I've given her my list as well. No point in...
A deaf old man goes for a checkup to the doctors with his wife. Doctor, ''Mr Roberts, I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample please''. ''What did he say dear?'' says old Mr Roberts....
Every time an Indian walks into the chief's teepee he sees that the chief is masturbating. They finally realize this is a serious problem, so they fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living...
Two irish nuns were walking back to the convent late at night when they saw a suspicious man coming towards them. “Quick” whispered one of the nuns. “Show him your cross and he may leave us alone.”...
A wise Chinese man once said, "It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realise there is always a way to solve problems without using violence."...
SPORTS COMMENTATOR SLIP-UPS (Some old but still funny) 1. "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter) 2. "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch...
Mick pulls up at the traffic lights and begins to roll his window down. There was a stunning looking woman in the car next to him. She smiles and rolls her window down as well. Mick says, "Have you...
A Newfie is visiting Texas and starts up a conversation with a Texan in a bar. The Texan says 'Where are you from? ' The Newfie says 'Do you know where New York is?' The Texan says 'Sure I know NY.'...
Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman go for an interview for a job. There was a written test and one of the questions was 'Give the collective name of a group of animals'. The Scotsman wrote down a...
Registration on the first day back at school. Ahmed Al Sheriah“here” Mustafa Al Sheriah“here” Fatima El Bindiri“here” Ali Acmah Shabeeb“here” Ali Sun Al En. No answer Ali Sun Al En? Little girl at the...
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote the 'Hokey Cokey', died peacefully at the age of 83. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble...
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient...
1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine as good weather. 2. The only sausage you like is square. 3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at secondary school....