My girlfriend has been working as a magician's assistant for a number of years and has picked up a few tricks. I came home early from work the other day to find her dressed in her magician's assistant...
My wife is in a right mood. Someone has stolen a pair of her pants off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers, she just wants her twelve pegs back............
Just walked out of Asda and saw this woman crying her eyes out saying that she's lost all her holiday money. I felt so sad for her so I gave her £50. I don't normally do things like that but I had...
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was £100 her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the...
A Russian soldier runs up to a nun. "Please let me hide under your dress, I'll explain later." The nun agrees. A moment later two military policemen run up and ask "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"...
A man with one leg missing lands a job at a top brewery. A spokesman for the unnamed beer company told reporters "We've put him in charge of the hops."...
Paddy wanted to sell his car so his mate told him to wind the mileage back a bit and he would get a better price for his car. He saw him a few days later and asked how he had got on. Paddy said that...
My girlfriend has been working as a magician's assistant for a few years now and she has picked up a few tricks. I came home from work early the other day to found her dressed in her assistant...
Statistics recently released from The United Nations reveal that: Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between 50 and 75 years of age, will, on average, have sex two to three times per week, whereas...
My wife came in from the garden slamming the door and yelling that next door's dog had been in our garden and left dog poo all over the place AGAIN! I told her to calm down, get the shovel and throw...
Think of a number. Multiply it by 3. Now add 5. Take away the number you first thought of. Now add 7. Subtract 2. Add back the number you first thought of. Now, close your eyes. . . . . . . . . . . ....
Paddy the policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His sergeant starts to yell at him. “You are ruining the police reputation, go home and change the shoes.” Paddy goes...
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a...
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot...
Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers...
Q What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? A Elephants are grey and grapes are green. ________________________________________________ Q What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants...
Two friends who had a double wedding 8 years ago were talking in the pub. One said ”Why is it that we both got married on the same day 8 years ago and I have 8 kids and you have none?” His friend...