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starone

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starone

In my next life

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you...
13:42 Tue 27th Sep 20115 answers, last by JonnyBoy12 21:13 Tue 27th Sep 2011
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starone

Multi-tasking

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the...
13:23 Sat 24th Sep 20114 answers, last by wildwood 21:37 Sun 25th Sep 2011
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starone

Australian Speaking Clock

Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk immigrant led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.....
22:11 Fri 23rd Sep 20114 answers, last by marval 10:58 Sat 24th Sep 2011
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starone

If the plural of roof is roofs

(not rooves) which I think it is, shouldn't the plural of dwarf be dwarfs and not dwarves? Will someone clever at English please enlighten me?
00:23 Fri 23rd Sep 201131 answers, last by douglas9401 19:12 Fri 23rd Sep 2011
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starone

Getting Even

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier...
19:40 Wed 21st Sep 20111 answer, last by marval 21:07 Wed 21st Sep 2011
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starone

Drunk

An inebriated gent is stopped by the police around 1:00 A.M. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effect it...
15:29 Mon 19th Sep 20112 answers, last by notasyoungasiwas 15:32 Tue 20th Sep 2011
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starone

Married four times

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just got married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be...
21:28 Sun 18th Sep 20114 answers, last by albaqwerty 14:27 Mon 19th Sep 2011
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starone

Curtain Rods

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time...
22:52 Sat 17th Sep 20113 answers, last by keithlbw 09:30 Sun 18th Sep 2011
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starone

Grandma's Birth Control Pills

A doctor who had been seeing an eighty year old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed...
19:33 Wed 14th Sep 20116 answers, last by RATTER15 22:04 Wed 14th Sep 2011
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starone

Too tired

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the...
18:04 Wed 14th Sep 20114 answers, last by wildwood 22:28 Wed 14th Sep 2011
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starone

How to wash your cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl... 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement put...
10:52 Wed 14th Sep 201115 answers, last by keithlbw 21:49 Wed 14th Sep 2011
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starone

Biology Test

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term test. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was...
07:06 Sun 11th Sep 20113 answers, last by Hymie 09:51 Sun 11th Sep 2011
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starone

A Quick Joke

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he...
22:11 Fri 09th Sep 20114 answers, last by marval 09:36 Sat 10th Sep 2011
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starone

Didn't know where to put this

Couldn't put it in Business and Finance because it is just for my personal use. Anyway, what I want is some small notebooks about 4 ins wide by 6 ins long with ruled pages. soft covers and not those...
18:38 Thu 08th Sep 20117 answers, last by MsEVP 21:07 Thu 08th Sep 2011
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starone

Who's in charge?

> > All the organs of the body were having a meeting, > Trying to decide who was the one in charge. > > "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the...
13:08 Wed 07th Sep 20112 answers, last by bluebirdino 15:34 Wed 07th Sep 2011
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starone

Can you make pastry

with Olive Oil? If so, what proportions do you use to 500 gms of flour. Thaks for any help. I know ABers know everything so I am very confident I shall get an answer....
11:45 Wed 07th Sep 20118 answers, last by piggynose 08:08 Mon 26th Sep 2011
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starone

Two ladies talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi, Wanda! 2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm...
08:29 Tue 06th Sep 20118 answers, last by moonraker558 08:18 Thu 08th Sep 2011
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starone

Hope someone can help me with this

I bought something from an eBay seller which cost me £24.95 paid for via PayPal. The item was damaged and so I complained to the seller. I wrote to him twice and he didn't answer so I opened a...
22:38 Mon 05th Sep 201115 answers, last by mjwman 18:21 Tue 06th Sep 2011
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starone

Very tall trees

Can anyone tell me the procedure when there are very tall trees at the bottom of the garden not in my garden but the one backing on to mine. I would like to ask the owner to cut them down to a more...
07:52 Sat 03rd Sep 201110 answers, last by ladybirder 21:41 Mon 05th Sep 2011
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starone

Blonde Bombshell

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was...
09:42 Fri 02nd Sep 20114 answers, last by SlackAlice 20:30 Fri 02nd Sep 2011

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