BiddyGrotto

[Robinia]

It seems we're not getting any changes on AB 'til after xmas so I've set up a grotto for us. Sorry it's a bit like a scene from Great Expectations but I've sprayed a few cobwebs silver & blown the dust off me doileys so please come in & sit down.
What do all the biddies/grumps want to find in their wrinkly stockings this year then? Do you like all this festivity or will you be the grumpy gran/grandpa from hell this year?
Please feel free to take a present out of the bran tub as you leave by the way. Contents may be unidentifiable....oops sorry...be varied.

[netibiza]

I think you are all mad. Am trotting off at a stately pace, wearing bonnet and shawl to gently do my shopping. It's absolutely pouring down here - anyone want to swap countries. Only 1 bus an hour to Ibiza Town - won't drive in the rain (or dark, or sun or night or day) Reserve gear is very handy - car stays in garage. PS dotjhawkes is in CB with a bottle of Gran Marnier - I've told her to bring it to us.

[Robinia]

Mornin all! Shurrup whinging Vinny - you've all week to go yet...and the Izal was on the wrong way round btw, it goes over the bit of string - not under...tut, men! Oh and don't blame me for the 'deposit' I haven't been eating the bran.

Sorry I didn't get back for the toddy shaneystar I was busy knitting a cardi for the BabyBorn I've bought my grandaughter...I'll pop it the Aga to warm it up again.

Stand by everyone... if neti's been shopping in the rain all day in a soggy bonnet she's going to be in a great mood!

[netibiza]

Came home wet and frozen then discovered had run out of gas bottles - so Miss Daisy had to drive to replenish them else there'd be not fire to put on (I'm not into this log lighting nonsense - leave that for Mr N when he comes home) quite a firghtening sight Miss Neti driving a car with full gas bottles rattling around int he boot - def a fire hazard!!!! Bet you are all glad your gas comes through a pipe.

[Robinia]

Best not talk about 'gas' neti with all these Biddies & bran about - it's a lethal concoction.

How's the tub going btw? Found a few bits to top it up....half a tin of ZamBuk....Max Factor Creme Puff in a dodgy orange colour....Dolly Blue bag - only used once...tin of Mansion polish...rattle...mmm bit dried up.....

[gessoo]

Gas through a pipe Netti? No such luck. I've no mains drainage either or street lights or pavements. In fact, the mains water only got connected in the 70's!!

I hope this thread goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on.................................. until Ed. grants us a section!!!

[netibiza]

Hey gessoo - we have no sewer pipes either, only a cesspit, no street lamps, and certainly no pavements - do you live near me by any chance?? Mains water only connected 7 years ago (due to a lot of bribery and skullduggery with the local council). But I love living here.

[Robinia]

Evenin' gessoo - have you been 'out the back' since you arrived? Has Vinny done the lav properly? I've got a sneaky feeling he's thinking of paying somebody else to do it but he won't fool me...I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking.

[netibiza]

I have given a map to In a pickle so he can come into the Biddygrotto. He's making out that he's only young but I know. Make him welcome - no Robinia get off his lap.

[gessoo]

Tried to find the Lav, Robinia, but it was pitch black - will those lights ever get sorted? Anyway, I did manage to find an old bucket behind a bush, so used the 'bucket and chuck-it' method. Unfortunately, there was a large scream when I chucked it, so think some unfortunate biddy ain't too happy!!! I best keep a low profile.

Wish I did live near you Netti!!!

[VINNY100_2]

Blimey geesoo,hope you dont pay rates...mind you..round these here parts..we still catch the local stagecoach...and when its kicking out time in the local inn..they chuck us on the back of ..a horse and cart....!

job going cleaning lav..good pay and...um...well...there's no pay...but you do get to sit on Robinia's lap...and dip your hand in her bran tub....(didnt know they called it that?)...( :)

[Robinia]

Oh heck gessoo it was probably IAP that you hit!! Neti you'd better apologise profusely & tell him that the Biddies normally greet visitors with a hot toddy not a hot tiddle!

snaps Vinny's beard against his chin.....When you've done the lav Vinny I think the sink in the scullery needs unblocking - somebody's been emptying the teapot down it. I normally empty it into a bucket outside the door.....oops...gessoo, that bucket you used.......??

[netibiza]

yes I though IAP would fit right in - well I'm off to beddy byes - sooo tired with all this excitement. PS I'm bringing my own chamber pot tomorrow so won't have to fumble in the dark and gessoo won't thump me.

[woofgang]

morning folks, got some bad news I am afraid, went out to use the lavvy last night, it was dark so I lit a candle, like you do, anyway I think vinny must have been using that leftover mansion polish on the floor and left the lid off the tin, what with that and the <ahem> fumes from the high fibre diet....well there was this loud noise and flash of light and a short sharp shower of...rain and the lavvy is gone.

If anyone finds it in any of the other sections can they plese return it? We won't need to re-plumb, we'll just balance it on the edge of the hole, it'll be the world's deepest earth privy.

Oh and here's some liquorice allsorts for the bran tub, I've picked out all the soft ones, but I did wash me hands first

[netibiza]

morning woofgang - so it's you who has been smoking in the lavvy - nothing else can have caused the explosion. oh and by the way that isn't the bran tub - that's whats left of the porcelain bowl!!! Ho hum am off to look in the real bran tub if there's anything left cos all the cork chippings have been eaten!!!!

[gessoo]

I spent ages fumbling around in the dark looking for the lav Woofgang!! I thought I could smell wood smoke!!! Well, I am glad you have solved the mystery for me.

Welcome IAP. I'm so glad you have found us. I do hope it wasn't you I slung the bucket contents over last night!

Vinny, yes I pay rates and very high ones at that. All we get for it is 2 darn great wheelie bins that we have to drag down our long shingle drive every week. The rubbish gets taken every fortnight and the 'recycling' on the alternate weeks.

Now off to a lunchtime Christmas 'do' with my work colleagues - probably my first and last 'celebration' this year. Baa Humbug - roll on January and Barcelona. See you Biddies and Old Farts soon.

[netibiza]

gessoo in case I forget to tell you. When in Barcelona say "Bon dia" (good day) Felices Fiestas (season's greetings) and Molts ans e bons (always said in January it's have many years and good ones) I have written it phonetically for ease.

[woofgang]

oh tha's okay, just pick the sweeties out and wipe em off a bit, wrapped up in crepe paper they''l be fine

[netibiza]

Spelling of crepe woofgang not crap by any chance???

[VINNY100_2]

Wellcome IAP.now you can share all the flak we get from the biddys.This might come in handy..

here

( :)