BiddyGrotto

[Robinia]

It seems we're not getting any changes on AB 'til after xmas so I've set up a grotto for us. Sorry it's a bit like a scene from Great Expectations but I've sprayed a few cobwebs silver & blown the dust off me doileys so please come in & sit down.
What do all the biddies/grumps want to find in their wrinkly stockings this year then? Do you like all this festivity or will you be the grumpy gran/grandpa from hell this year?
Please feel free to take a present out of the bran tub as you leave by the way. Contents may be unidentifiable....oops sorry...be varied.

[VINNY100_2]

Robinia..!!!!!Do you have to excercise when your waiting for your bus..( :)

here

He..He.

[Robinia]

Bloomin heck woofgang - I've just dashed in on the way back from the shops, bursting for the lav & you've despatched it all over the AB!! Had to tiddle in IAP's tin hat - sorry 'bout that.

Not getting much of a welcome are you IAP but hello anyway & so glad you found us. You can now be in charge of afternoon teas. neti made me a sausage butty last night & it was very erm, interesting....do they make retired donkeys into sausage by any chance?

Have a nice lunch gessoo - I'm sure you'll enjoy it once you're there.

Vinny - don't think woofgang's mishap gets you out of lav duty!!

[Robinia]

Yes & I'm a black belt judo expert too Vinny....be afraid you cheeky monkey!!

[netibiza]

At Robinia's absolute insistence her is a re-print of an Xmas poem to hang on wall by coat pegs.

Twas Christmas Day in the workhouse, the seaon of good cheer,

Men's hearts were full of gladness, and their bellies full of beer.

In walked the Workhouse Master for to decorate the walls, he wished them Merry Christmas and they answered back b*lls

This angered the Workhouse Master, who swore by all the Gods,

He'd stop their Christmas pudding, the saucy lot of s*ods

Up spake a little pauper, his face as bold as brass,

We don't want your Christmas Pudding, you can stick it up your a*se.

[Jude123]

Hi all. I'm here again. Just got in from work and had to log on to see what you've all been up to. It think this thread is brilliant and I have a really good laugh reading it. I'm not as imaginitive as all of you but believe me it's great the way you get on the way you do. My Christmas Present to you all is a brand new portaloo. Should arrive any time now. Enjoy!!! :o)

By the way picked up my new car ( a few thousand posts back) and it's luurrvly!

[gessoo]

Ooh Jude123 thanks for the new Portaloo. It's just arrived. Vinny thought it was a Tardis and thought he had been chosen for the next Dr Who series 'Doctor Who and the Biddies from Hell'. He was quite upset when I pointed out it was our new Lav! Enjoy your new car Jude. Hope it runs better than the Biddybus!

Loved the photo Vinny sent us of Robinia doing her exercises. Made me giggle.

[Robinia]

Hi Jude - glad you're happy with the new car! Thanks soooo much for the NoooLooo - is it one of those that opens automatically tho'? Could prove interestin' with all the gear that we Biddies have to battle with - trying to find the poppers on me cami-knicks is a nightmare.... might need to put a delay on the door opener.

gessoo I think Vinny is often on another planet - or he will be if he doesn't stop accessing my personal photos.

[Jude123]

Oh Yes nothing but the best. Self cleaning as well when you come out so no more mops and buckets!!!

[woofgang]

You have to do it wiv a cockney accent

'twas Christmas day in the Harem and the eunuchs stood around

Fahsands of lovely women lay stretched out on the ground

Up came the fat old sultan, striding through marble halls

He said "what do you want for Christmas lads?"

and the eunuchs all said ..........

Tidings of cohomfort and joy, comfort and joy.......

Boom! Boom!!

[gessoo]

He he!! LOL

[netibiza]

He he I'm going hang around in the nooloo wif na clofes on and get a shower when it auto cleans. Ignore the door if it opens and closes wif me inside.

[Robinia]

lol woofgang ....look ahht - we'll 'ave Babs Windsor 'ere in 'er Aladdin gear next, cor blimey guvna.

neti you'll come out smelling like Evening In Parazone.

[netibiza]

Hey Vinny - that isn't Robinia doing her exercises - she's inspecting her stockings for holes.

[VINNY100_2]

Netti,she might be checking out her "alan whickers"mind you,she's got a nice pair of bacon&eggs.....is that syrup of figs,she's wearing...!Id better keep stum or are be brown bread....( :)....ed..starts srcatching her ...bonnet...?

glad you like Robinia's photo geesoo.....ha.ha...*:(

[netibiza]

I should think Ed's completely flummoxed by all this, so ignoring the lot of us. Remember that the Biddies in America all have facelifts et al so look blooming luverly compared to this motley crew. Bet they've never heard of directoire knickers.

[VINNY100_2]

Two old Biddies are outside their nursing homes, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old Biddies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Geesoo: What in the heck is that?

Robinia: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn?t get wet.

Geesoo: Where did you get it?

Robinia: You can get them at any chemist.

The next day, Geesoo hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all an old biddy, but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

?Doesn?t matter, Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.?
( :)

[woofgang]

lol Vinny

that was a luvverly one!

tell us anuvver one

just like the uvver one

tell us anuvver one

doohoo!!

[Robinia]

Haha very good Vinny - cheered me up this mornin'.

Erm, as we now have a luxi-nooloo for the BiddyGals - (oh did we forget to mention that Vinny?) I thought it only fair that we should get together to provide an Old Lads Lav. So I've drawn up a design & the builders are installing it this afternoon. Have cut the Telegraph up with pinking shears specially.....LadsLav

[woofgang]

umm, not sure if I trust them when it gets to the chuck it part of the procedure but i think the frilly edged newspaper is a festive touch, however DO NOT try taking it a step further and using the colour supps, way too slidey!! The outsides of christmas crackers (the crepe paper kind) are colourful and more absorbant but make sure you peel the decoration off first and that the banger has been banged, also the dye runs!!