This man has been stratospherically selfish with your love and affection and friendship - he deserves none of them.
The fact that he patently doesn't want you as a partner, but persists in this dog-in-a-manger attitude of punishing you if he thinks you wont be there on tap for him as and when he requires.
You have done the hard part - breaking off with him. Now comes the seriously hard part - getting used to your life without him in it, which gfiven the vast amount of time and emotion you have invested, feels impossible.
It's not. Even though right now you feel as though life with him - as hellish as it was - still beats life without him, this is an illusion. When you are in the early stages of grief for a relationship, you focus on all the good parts, and how you feel lost without those 'good' times.
It's now when you realise how powerful the concept of denial really is.
Ignore your emotional mind - it has not concept of what is going on, it just feels, and right now it feels seriously bad.
Focus on your rational mind - your posts demonstrate clearly that you are aware of how fruitless this situation is, and how damaging it is, and continues to be.
You have to tell yourself, out loud looking in a mirror helps - that you are worth far more than this miserable individual's token selfish feelings, and that you can survive perfectly well without this kind of faux crush in your life - and that is what this is, and you know it.
When you build up your self-esteen, which will take time, you will feel able to face the world as an individual, and that strength will seriously improve your next relationship (yes there will be one!) and ensure that you are far more balanced and less needy next time around.
"What doesn't kill us makes us strong" said Nietsche - but what he forgot to mention is that before it makes us strong, it nearly kills us for quite some time!
You will get past this - you are a strong valuable worthwhile individual with love to give - you just need to know that, and then find someone who deserves you - this man is clearly not it, and never will be.
Keep posting - we are all here.