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Someone said - I think about giving up smoking - that you have to try again and again and again until it sticks, until it works. Like my entanglement here, I seem to have to have lots and lots of endings until that door truly does stay shut.
Dear Reader, I got the present from him - a really nice necklace - but that made it worse, as he felt this gift, his first for over two years, was all-encompassing. His 'get out of jail free' card, to which he could refer to for years ahead as his Big Big Effort. (Never mind that I've given him thousands of pounds over the years - when you've been starved for years, any morsel is a miracle).
The weekend away at his brother's farm in Wales for Valentine's? No mention of it. So I gently brought it up, and suddenly I was pressuring him, pushing him, stressing him out. I took that as a no, then - a drunken idea that sounded good at the time. Like so many of his fantasies.
Then his wife upped the ante and gave him daily hassle about wanting him to leave, to sell the house and move on. He spoke every day of his distress, while I tried to shake his shoulders from afar to make him see that she's been threatening this for 5 years because it presses all his buttons. I was and still am astounded that he takes it so literally every single time.
So I called his bluff. Told him that is life is unbearable there, and his wife wants him out, and he's rowing with his son frequently, I'll give him the money to pay her off and buy her out. Or buy us a house ourselves.
His response? No - can't risk your money. And sorry - but life is so bleak at the moment I can't begin to think of our own future plans. And - my wife's just frustrated because she's been off work sick for 6 weeks.
He walked into my albeit amateur trap and thus confirmed once and for all that he doesn't want me, he wants her, yet needs me as the friend, ego boost and emotional support that she clearly isn't.
Another ending, folks, and this time I told him I won't change my mind again.