Jealousy?

[Scarlett]

When I was 18 and at uni I had a special male friend who would come and visit me in my room- we'd talk philosophy through the night. I was very flattered by this and hoped it might become more than platonic over time. Then one day my friend Gill stopped by as my male friend was visiting. I sat and watched her flirt and giggle and preen and flatter him. The next day they were going out, I lost him as a friend and that was that. 30 years on I have a special male friend who I do everything with- hope it might become something more; and my lodger is now doing the same thing- giggling, flirting, being tactile. I want to punch her. He, of course, loves the attention and probably fancies her a lot more than he does me. I am not proud of the jealousy I feel. Any thoughts on what I should do?

[elliemay1]

//The next 3 times I went to the house he made himself absent ..//
Just wondered what you did when he wasn't there?

[ummmm]

I agree Kval and there's a good chance they've seen you at your best and worst.

[kvalidir]

It's a large house, I was there on other matters- he owns it and I used to see him about a lot generally. I didn't just turn up at his house because I fancied him and lurked about like a weirdo lol.

[tamborine]

With respect kval, Scarlet is aged 48ish. Well past teen flirts & dating.

[ludwig]

Have the following conversation..

you : We're pretty good friends aren't we?
him : Yes, I suppose we are.
you : Do you ever wonder if it might be more than that one day?

..if at this point he laughs and say 'naaaa, course not you silly sausage' and ruffles your hair as one might do to a cheeky scamp, that's not a good sign.

If however, he looks a bit embarrassed and says something like '...err I dunno - I never really thought about it...don't see why it couldn't'
That's a definite good sign.

At any rate, it moves the issue forward in a positive but not too forceful or desperate looking way.

[ummmm]

What do you mean well past dating?

[elliemay1]

Await a backlash after that comment, tambourine!!

[ummmm]

No ones too old to flirt and date.

[tamborine]

Bring it on ;)

[RATTER15]

"Well past teen flirts & dating."

I think if anybody is ever past that it is a sad day!!

[kvalidir]

With respect Tambo, the man I am currently seeing is far nearer Scarlett's age than mine, so I think my advice is perfectly relevant, and if you think I'm prone to hanging around the swings in the park, guzzling White Lightning whilst waiting for the local glue sniffer to take a interest in a quick fumble you've mistaken me as well. 48 is not too old to date, I think everything I said is perfectly valid to Scarlett.

[RATTER15]

Well said kvalidir!! anyway, White lightening really is grim!!

[jennyjoan]

With respect to you Kval - think that guy is way too old for you.

[tamborine]

Scarlett has done the prems since she has known the man for sometime. Sometimes women need to take the bull by the horns. (Replace u for a). Lol

[kvalidir]

...and some men would think that was crude and naff and run a mile as well Tambo ;-/

[tamborine]

Oooo kval, not all young men are as you describe.

[ummmm]

No Tambo, but some are.

[Scarlett]

The idea of taking all my clothes off... erk. No. I just couldn't. I'm way too self-conscious. It's not so much that I want to have sex with him, I just completely adore him and think it would be awful if he went off with someone else because I didn't find out if he thought I was viable. What I need is for someone to tell him on my behalf, and that way it isn't embarrassing if the answer is no. We carry on being friends and I move on.

[kvalidir]

Agreed Tambo, they certainly aren't, but I hardly think suggesting someone has lunch together is 'teen flirting' either- I just couldn't make sense of your post tbh, and you did suggest that at 48 Scarlett was too old for dating which is crazy, and then suggested since she knows him already she's done all the prelim and ought to just grab him by the bits and drag him off if she fancies him. I think all that is quite crazy tbh.