Jealousy?

[Scarlett]

When I was 18 and at uni I had a special male friend who would come and visit me in my room- we'd talk philosophy through the night. I was very flattered by this and hoped it might become more than platonic over time. Then one day my friend Gill stopped by as my male friend was visiting. I sat and watched her flirt and giggle and preen and flatter him. The next day they were going out, I lost him as a friend and that was that. 30 years on I have a special male friend who I do everything with- hope it might become something more; and my lodger is now doing the same thing- giggling, flirting, being tactile. I want to punch her. He, of course, loves the attention and probably fancies her a lot more than he does me. I am not proud of the jealousy I feel. Any thoughts on what I should do?

[TWR]

If the bloke was as much as a friend as you think he is, he should not do that, I presume you talked about the Uni Issue and what has happened before Scarlett? If you have, this bloke is not worth your time, get yourself out & enjoy yourself, life's too short.

[Scarlett]

The friends with benefits thing doesn't work here ummmmm. The girl seems angry and upset with him most of the time. She feels clearly that they are a couple, despite what he claims. He's got the sex he wants and she puts out to try and keep him coming back. It's worked till he met me and now he's with me all the time - but it's still platonic.

[Scarlett]

TWR no I haven't mentioned the uni issue - it would make me seem jealous, wouldn't it? Hence asking advice on here! I had a friend, he got a girlfriend, I lost that friend.

[ummmm]

If he's been honest with her then it's her problem. She could always stop having sex with him.

[Scarlett]

Yeah ummmm she is in love with him. Plus she's very young and immature.

[237SJ]

"She`s in love with him plus she`s very young and immature". Yes, and he`s taking advantage of that. Are you sure you want to be with this guy?

[Sammy48]

I have read through this thread and would just like to ask you Scarlett, have you ever had a relationship with a guy, I mean sexual ?

[TWR]

Close the door on Sex " Simple"

[ummmm]

Reading your other thread are you 20 ish years older than him?

[Scarlett]

I have had relationships yes and I am a fair bit older! Not 20 though.

[ummmm]

I just wonder if he thinks you wouldn't be interested in him.

[Scarlett]

Perhaps cos I do think he is in awe of me. But I can't make it much more obvious than I have already. I've already been uncharacteristically forward!

[2sp_]

Men can be quite simple creatures when it comes to matters of the heart. He maybe thinks that you only want friendship as you've never made any moves or shown that you want more. Then someone else comes along that makes her desires obvious and he plumps for that option.

I think you need to up your game with him, let him know that you are interested in more than friendship. He can't read your mind, so you need to actually tell him.

[islasmum]

How old is he?

[ummmm]

In Scarletts other thread she says he's 27.

[Scarlett]

27 islasmum.

[islasmum]

I think that you should make it very clear to him that you are interested in takng the relationship further and do it soon before he succombs to your lodger! If he doesn't want to know then it is a pity, but at any rate you will know where you stand with him.Maybe try going to bed with a few less clothes on?

[whirlyhurly]

Oh don't lower yourself, keep your self respect.

[ummmm]

Well I hope it works out for you and you find the courage to tell him.

I really don't think it will ruin your friendship...he should be flattered regardless of how he feels.

[Scarlett]

Thanks everyone. Good advice as always. I'll let you know what happens, if anything!