Trying To Get Help For Elderly Mother

[Psybbo]

A social worker said I would have to be assessed as to why I couldn't do it. Is this normal?

[gness]

Neither my brother nor myself were assessed when my mother needed help at home, Psyb.....

But if they insist just act the amadán.....♣

[Psybbo]

Thanks Gness, it took me by surprise

[woofgang]

no, not true. You have no responsibility to care for your mother. BUT carers are entitled to an assessment of their own needs which is what he/she may have meant.

[Psybbo]

And that wouldn't be difficult at the minute

[DTCwordfan]

want me to come over Psybbs? - one meeting and I would have them thinking you are barking!

[Psybbo]

Thanks woof

[Psybbo]

DT, I am barking, I wish I could be more like you x

[gness]

I'll bet it surprised you......if you could meet your mother's need you'd be doing it......she needs professional help....you're not a professional.....

For your sake now...get as much help as you can.....x

[gness]

No! You don't wish you were like DT.......different circumstances completely.....

Don't be judging yourself by what others do......you have to do what's best for your mother and more importantly for you!

[trt]

What exactly is you and your mothers situation Psybbo,

Do you work, is your mother unable to look after herself, is she disabled or sick, and on her own?

You need to be more specific, if you want more advice I think.

[Psybbo]

Gness, I've got 4 carers going I, I don't know what more I can do. She complains non stop and wants to die and to sit with her is soul destroying

[Psybbo]

trt, my mother will be 96 in June, we have never got on well. I am 70, diabetic (type 2) and nothing has ever been good enough for her

[gness]

Psyb....no matter how many carers I arranged...whatever I did to help was no good at all.....no pleasing her....she was horrid and nasty. The visits...the cooking and cleaning wore me down.

Like you I felt responsible and guilty if I couldn't do everything....but it came to a head when she tried to stab a carer with hidden scissors.

In the end I stopped responding so much...for my own sanity. As you know she's in a home now......I visit once a week and that sits very well with me.

There comes a time when you have to ditch the guilt and look after yourself.

[gness]

Psyb...what's the next step and what are your options?

[Psybbo]

Right I'm off to bed, thanks for your help

[tinkerbell23]

Never in my life have i heard that. You do not have to be assessed x

[gness]

You sleep well now.....and when you get up you're going to be putting yourself first...okay?....♣

[Psybbo]

I'll e-mail you tomorrow, Gness

[gness]

Me neither,Tinks.....but from experience I can tell you they will try everything to make you take responsibility that you are neither fit nor experienced enough for.....x

[gness]

Here all day, Psyb......lifting turf as we Irish do....☺