Here I Know I Am Having A Bad Day But

[rowanwitch]

I wish the buzzard that has been circling the block would clear off. He's making me nervous.
Seriously been asleep most of the day, didn't want to be awake in a world without Dave. First time it's hit me like this, two months today. Seems like forever and no time at all. No sympathy required just saying....I will be back to happy and positive tomorrow I expect

[woofgang]

Not sympathy here but definite empathy. You will feel what you feel when you feel it and we will be here when you want to talk.

[wolf63]

Are they related to vultures?

It is totally understandable that you miss Dave and your normal routine with him around, getting in the way and on your nerves.

Sleep is good, I hide under the duvet when the world gets really scary but, eventually, I have to go and face my demons and the cats again.

Take care of yourself. ♥

[baza]

Just take one day at a time, no platitudes, just hang in there.

[Mamyalynne]

Sometimes, often when you least expect it, it whacks you right where it hurts - you will bounce back a bit ((♥))

Buzz off Buzzard :-)

[marval]

Sorry you are having a bad day Rowan. Hope you can perk up soon, and the buzzard buzzes off.

[baza]

Did she get the car MOT'd ?

[hereIam]

Grief is a strange thing, it can attack at any time bringing both physical and mental pain and it affects us all. To be fair two months is no time at all (in some cases, two years is no time at all), it just has to be ridden out. I love buzzards.

[rowanwitch]

Trouble is I keep being told he 'll always be with me.... no he's gone, I can't feel him, I can't imagine him, even the photos could be a stranger. I don't dream of him, I make plans, I keep going. What else is there.
I contacted the charter boat company yesterday about scattering his ashes, I think that was a reality check

[hereIam]

After my Mum had died, I found a little note written by her for me to find. It very nearly finished me off, but in it she had written that she is in my heart and will always be there. Very true.

[rowanwitch]

I am such a pragmatist I don't do sentiment or spirit in the sense of beings or presence. I want to but logic and science says not possible.

[237SJ]

I found this helpful because it explained how I was feeling and what I could expect to feel (all of which is completely normal)
https://www.pah.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Bereavement_support.pdf

[rowanwitch]

I used to teach this stuff, got death and dying qualification even.
This happens to me when other people die too. It's as if they are edited out, so I can carry on. It's just this time I want to feel the loss because he was so important.

[DTCwordfan]

we can all have down days, rowan, to be expected.

[Patsy33]

Part of the grief process. Some days hits you like a ton of bricks. Hope you will feel stronger tomorrow. x

[Mamyalynne]

As I gallop towards 10 years Anniversary I can well remember the gut wrenching feeling when people said - 'You're amazing, how you are carrying on and coping' , a combination of guilt and panic.

There is no real guide book Rowan as you know.

[rowanwitch]

I know, there is no alternative to coping but I am too good at it, always have been. I think AB is the only place I let weakness show

[woofgang]

Oh I coped and carried on because I was completely numb. TBH in respects, I still am. Here's a bit of science for you which may give comfort. I like it....I think at least most of it is factually true.

"You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him/her that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let him/her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her/his eyes, that those photons created within her/him constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith. Let them know that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly".

Aaron Freeman

[Lie-in King]

((Rowan)) - it isn't weakness, it's humanity. x