male masturbation

[liquidspace]

Can any guys give me some perspective on this? I live with my bf and he masturbates when I am not there and it is a real issue for me - big time. I know people will say yeah its not big deal etc but for me it is.

In addition to this he has also been phoning sex chat lines, I dont care about the money spent aspect its the hurt thing. The thought of him getting off while talking to complete strangers really hurts me.

He knows how I feel but says that it is no big deal, he can live with what he does.

Im finding it hard to live with - I cant make myself feel ok about it.

[Supernick]

I think that you're viewing masturbation as a very negative thing, when the vast majority of us would disagree strongly. Were you brought up to believe that it's bad, or wrong?

I masturbate more in a relationship to be honest. Having more sex just makes me more turned on all of the time. Especially at the start. I would never choose it over sex, but if that isn't available then what's the harm?
I think it would be false for me to claim that all men are masturbating over their girlfriends/wives all the time, but again I don't see a problem. A bit of porn etc is just a fantasy, and no different in my opinion to just fancying someone of the TV.

[Goodsoulette]

He shouldn't be putting you down. Im not a fan of fighting fire with fire, you need to be clear about how you feel without losing the plot.

Don't choose a man who makes you unhappy, you have children and someone will come along and make you and them feel wonderful. My ex made me feel rubbish and I thought I would be lonely forever, it even put me off getting rid of him for a year. I have since found that I am not going to be lonely forever.

You have a family with or without him, he should cherish that you have let him be a part of something so special.

As for sex, try thinking outside the box. Maybe he is into something that he doesnt think he can ask you for. This might be why he phones sex lines. Cross dressing? Bondage? Watersports? It could be midgets on horseback for all you know? Dress up chat to him about whilst you are getting anughty and you might get an answer, if he has a fetish this often overtakes the fetishists life and could be causing all the problems if he isnt getting it. His fetish could just be sex lines though, in which case I imagine he needs help.

[redcrx]

masturbation - almost all men do it

putting their girlfriend down and critisising their children - the right men dont do it.

It sounds like you have more than just the masturbation issue with him.

Why put up with his attitude any longer? get out and move on

[Miss Inquiry]

I'm totally fine with the thought of Mr I having fun on his own, however I think your perfectly right to have a problem with him phoning chat lines.... tell him how you feel darling, you don't deserve to be hurt by the actions of a person you love, talk it through, see why he feels the need to calls them, see if maybe you could work round it, send him a few "interesting" texts, surprise him when he gets home... ect. I'd be more concerned with sex once every 3 weeks.

[missrandom]

Make him go to counselling, book at appt, tell him he is going, or you will leave him. believe me so much could get sorted out with counselling.

[liquidspace]

ok thanks for all your answers

[redcrx]

but its been about a year since LS last posted on this very topic. surely if not sorted yet ten thats much more than communication problems Goodsoullette?

[peppy]

I think the most telling thing about your post is the heading, MALE masturbation.
This leads me to believe that either you don't do it ( which I find impossible to accept ) or you have double standards.

I'm not asking whether you do or don't, that's your business and nobody elses. But if you do, but not as regularly as your bf, then isn't it just a question of different appetites ?

I do it LOADS more than Mr.P, and he has no problem with that, it keeps me happy, and as long as we are there for each other when we both want to be ' together ', where's the harm ?
And as for phoning chat lines, it's just titillation, expensive but harmless.
However, if you REALLY have a problem with it, let him know big time, it sounds as if you've casually mentioned it and he's brushed it off. Papering over the cracks never works, sometimes major reconstruction work is called for.
If you're meant to be together you will rebuild it .

Good luck, and be confident x x

[Skreecheeboy]

Yes but why stay with an abusive partner when he's abusive to your kids? My step dad was a complete @rse to us, counselling isn't worth it. Get out and move on I say.

[missrandom]

yes counselling is worth it, it breaks the cycle of "abuse". I mean couselling for the way he treats her/the kids, not for masturbation, which is normal (either male or female)

[liquidspace]

We dont have communication problems, we have very good communication problems. Its MY problem in that I struggle with accepting him getting off on images of other women or getting off talking to other women.

I dont see it as wrong or dirty - I just want to be able to accept something that I cant change. I just wish he would come to me for sex rather than his right hand. Guess I am wrong.

[Goodsoulette]

I dont think she has just casually mentioned it peppy, she asks him when she gets home, she knows when he is lying, thus sounds like a daily source of arguments.

Red, a year on, if communication was cack then its still going to be cakc now. To be honest they dont sound right for each other but we dont know!

[liquidspace]

sorry I dont mean "we have good communication problems" I mean " we have good communication" typo.

[missrandom]

redcrx a year isnt really that long, when your there. Our probs have lasted 5 years before ive been pushed to breaking point and decided to sort it out. he bf is obviously struggling and they probably owe it too each other too at least try, not running and jumping ship straightaway.

[liquidspace]

I have been with him five years. I care about him , this is just one issue.

[Skreecheeboy]

Think you need to sort your priorities out love. If he's abusive to you or your kids like you say then that is the number one problem in your life, stop bumping your gums about not getting laid and double click your old mouse button for once!

[liquidspace]

He isnt abusive to my children, he moans to me about them not having a job or not doing enough in their life etc.