male masturbation

[liquidspace]

Can any guys give me some perspective on this? I live with my bf and he masturbates when I am not there and it is a real issue for me - big time. I know people will say yeah its not big deal etc but for me it is.

In addition to this he has also been phoning sex chat lines, I dont care about the money spent aspect its the hurt thing. The thought of him getting off while talking to complete strangers really hurts me.

He knows how I feel but says that it is no big deal, he can live with what he does.

Im finding it hard to live with - I cant make myself feel ok about it.

[888sally888]

All men have fun on their own and I dont think you should bw overly concerned.

As for the sex chat lines, that is a different thing and I must say I would not accept this at all.

[Goodsoulette]

Are you prepared to have sex with him everytime he wants to masurbate? Are you willing to talk dirty to him when he wants that? Is porn acceptable?

Its a fact of life, Im afraid. I think this will continue to be an issue until you get over your insecurities. Maybe a trip to relate is needed. How do you know he masturbates when you arent there??????

[nat_84]

I think i would feel the same as you... not necessarily the masturbation thing (unless it interfered with our sex life) but more the "sex chat"...

Do u still have a good sex life with him?

The cost of sex phone lines would bother me too if i was paying half.

xxx

[redcrx]

i thought the last time you asked about this youd said that you didnt mind him doing it and that it was purely because he was doing this in preference to having sex?

Have you spoken to him about it?

if he cant change this and you have such a problem with it then it looks like its make or break time

[liquidspace]

I cant offer him sex instead of masturbation as he does it when Im not there. Im very willing to do anything he wants, he just seems to not want it, he prefers his right hand.

We dont have much sex, only really when he has a few drinks, maybe once every 3 weeks and that mainly consists of me pleasuring him.

I know he does it when Im not there because he usually tells me, I have such an issue that I ask or I can tell when he has and when he hasnt.

How come people think that sex chat lines are not ok and masturbation is. It is still the act of masturbation and him looking and thinking about other people.

[redcrx]

masturbation isnt always thinking of other people. what makes you think that?

If he has told you that he does it and is basically saying it to upset you then get out of the relationship.

[Goodsoulette]

but they aren't people he is going to be touching. Sex chat lines are a problem for some because it involves talking to a real person, unless its a story type line.


You two really sound like you need to see a therapist (not words I would say often). If it cant work, find someone who will make you feel happy. 99.9% of men you will date will masturbate, you have to get over this issue, I would imagine he might not feel like having sex with you if you are nagging him about having a crafty hand shandy. I can understand your issue with him not having sex with you often but the masturbation should be left and I really feel that is your issue.

Do you initiate sex at all?

[Skreecheeboy]

How do you know what he's thinking about when he has a chug?

[cascarelli]

liquidspace, do you never masturbate on your own? Never? I wouldn't have a problem with a partner doing that, can't see what's wrong with it.

I would have a problem with them paying for sex, through a chat line or whatever though.

[liquidspace]

trigger - I cant make him feel like I feel, If I do it he says it doesnt bother him, it wouldnt would it, it just means he has a good reason to do it himself!

redcrx - I think masturbation does involve thinking about other people, I know he is not thinking of me when he is watching porn or whatever! He does not say it to upset me.

He wont go to therapy, he has much bigger issues than this that he wont go to therapy for!
We talk all the time about everything so communication isnt the issue.
I do initiate sex, most times if he doesnt feel like it, thats it. Once I lay naked on the bed when he came in and he said "yeah very nice but the football is on"

[Goodsoulette]

hmmm bigger issues.


Right, does he talk down to you? ( I ask this because my cousins partner is the same and he says things like I cant go out with you because you embarrass me )

Is he abusive? Physically or mentally?

Does he lose his erection during sex? This is no reflection on you whatsoever by the way!

[Skreecheeboy]

Well wait till after the football! What a nightmare girlfriend you'd be! The whole world doesn't revolve around sex you know! It's you that seems to have a problem with it, just get over it you prude.

[liquidspace]

YES he does talk down to me, he thinks he is better than me.

He does go out with me, he is not embarrassed of me but is v subtle with put downs, remarking about I always look tired or I have put on weight or going on about my children (not his), nothing is right etc etc. He is under stress (a lot of it self inflicted)

No his erection stays there ages after he has come.

[Skreecheeboy]

Sorry, I lost it a bit there. The chugging is a very trivial matter. Phoning sex lines is just wasteful and lame. You should still lighten up but I was a bit harsh calling you a prude when I don't even know you. sorry!

[liquidspace]

Im not a prude, you dont have to be rude to me.

[Joe_the_Lion]

liquidspace.

When your boyfriend is not there do you ever go to the toilet? Once a month do you have a period or ever cough when you have a tickle in your throat?

Personally I find these things disgusting and wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The point I am making is that whacking one out is as natural as other bodily functions. Most mammals do it. Monkeys jerk off in cages, dogs rub up your leg and even give their gonads a little lick.

He is hardly going to stop because you disapprove. May I suggest you just accept it.

If not, I can assure you 100 percent of men do it. Even vicars.

I agree the phone thing is a bit much, but it is a multi-million pound industry so he is not alone. But it is harmless fun. Nobody gets hurt and some tom in Cuba is earning a living without walking the streets.

[Reverandfunk]

Liquid - Get rid! Putting you and your kids down aint fair, and people in glasses shouldnt throw stones, forget about the chat lines and masturbation bit, he sounds like an ar5e.